La Divafina

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Hello? Is this thing still on???

Here I am.. I was dared to resurrect this ancient tome from my not so innocent youth.

What does one write after such a long absence?

I'm still in NY, it's almost the end of the year.. I'm turning 45 in two weeks...fuck.

When I started this blog I thought it was going to be a history of my time in NYC, I thought that I would be documenting my life as a performer, auditioning and doing various gigs around town. Little did I know that my life would take unexpected dips and turns. I still work in fashion (not sure how I managed that magic trick, but I did) I moved back to Cali for a brief stint and moved BACK to NY three years ago.. I've been living alone since 2014, no more Roommate after 11 years, though we still hang out and a still very codependent LOL.

At some point someone looked over and actually told me I knew what I was doing and to my amazement, I actually believed them, finally no more Imposter Syndrome. I am no longer the new kid, the assistant or junior agent. It's wild. Unlike my life now, which is no longer wild, no more crazy stories and lives I live on the weekends anymore. I will be nine years "Cali Sober" in February.

I no longer blog but I do tweet @LaDivafina and use Instagram @Divafina and various other outlets to get my thoughts and crazy out there.. I do have a journal on my phone that I try and update when I can but life, you know?

We are on the other side of global pandemic and we just barely made it over, the beginning was rough, my family was hit hard by COVID19 and I don't think my family or the world will ever recover from the insanity that was a worldwide shut down. For almost three years our lives have been masks, swabs, vaccines, booster shots, Antigen and PCR tests, antibodies count, more vaccines, monkey pox, blood tests and social distancing.

Still single.. but I have a therapist going on 12 years and he says that it's ok to be single and some people will not find one true soulmate but instead work on their relationships and chosen family.. and that's what I do... I surround myself with amazing people that lift me up and make want to be a better person. I have the gym, my gay men's choir, my softball team and more!

Did I ever think I was going to be 45 and thriving in NYC? Nope.. but here I am LOL!

I can say this, I somehow used my bruja powers when I made a post back on Wednesday March 16, 2005, a whole 6 months before I started working at Elite Models.. I was still dancing, singing and auditioning while working at Sephora.. here is an exerpt.

I am going to make a bigger statement once I move. I'm going to make a change, for the better. I can feel it. I got a couple of positions at work that I want to go for and I have a good chance to get them. And I know that I want to be part in some way shape or form of the fashion industry. I don't how, but I will, and I will make a big contribution.

Anyhoo, MerBear dared me.. so here it is.. My eyes are watery and my nose is itchy from dusting off this old ass journal.. digging her up from the dirt where I left her... love and light and all that shit.. xxdf.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

NEW JOB...NEW IMAGES...

HEY GUYS..
GOT A NEW JOB..
HERE'S WHAT I'M WORKING ON!!

XOXOX
DF

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Back...

Sorry for the long absence, but it's been a tough few weeks. Can't get into the specifics, but thanks to my new therapist I'm working through a lot of things that I never could address before. SO much has happened in the time since I last posted, a bit too much to rewrite, but I now know that I am worth so much more than I gave myself credit for, seriously.

I'm in a bit of a melancholy state right now, due to the crazy cold ass weather outside my window, more snow and wind blah, blah!

Therapist tells me that writing in this blog is very therapeutic for me, so I must make a bigger try to write down my crazy thoughts.

I've given up alcohol again for Lent...my yearly self-imposed detox, it sort of snuck up on me this time. At least I'm not in Europe, I'm home...resting.

Anyhow. Here is a song that for some reason popped into my head a minute ago that I thought that was appropriate for this mood.

Alanis...

xoxo

DF.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

DIANDRA @ ELITE

LIVING!!!

DF.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Fuck it..

" I just handed in my resignation.." My co-worker told me, I was shocked and speechless, which is very hard for me. I was also jealous and seeing red. A million thoughts swirled in my head, especially since her and I became really close on my first day, she kept asking me all these questions and asking me what to do when I finally had to tell her that I didn't know that since it my first day and she said that it was her first day too! Instant office BFF.

" What agency are you going too?"

"I'm not, I'm retiring..moving to Perth in Australia to work as an organic farmer, I bought a ticket and I hope to be gone for two years." I was in awe of her, and sad for me. Not because I was losing an office friend, but I was jealous because it wasn't me leaving. She's 26 and she doesn't want to wonder what else is out there, this was her first job after college and she didn't want it to be her last. I totally understood it and was envious with her determination and bravery, I used to be like her, I used grab life by the horns and bend it to my will, I had dreams.

I'm proud of my friend for throwing her hands up and saying "Fuck IT" and running away and finding herself..and that got me to thinking... How many Fuck IT's are we allotted in our life? How many times can we throw our shit in a duffle bag and find a new city or country and start all over..how many? One..two or three times? Are you considered a fuck UP for never committing? How many times have I actually said it? I've said it numerous times, too many for some peoples taste, hell I even think that I used up some of my Dad's and other family members that never left California. I threw my hands up and said Fuck IT to school and became a dancer, and started doing shows, went on my first tour and then ran to Hollywood and then I packed up my shit and ran to Chicago. I was young, in my early 20's and that shit is acceptable then, my dad calls it La Aventura, the adventure that every young Mexican man takes to find himself, though it's usually to find field work in America. So using my father as inspiration I landed in Chicago and struggled and cried and had a great time. I was making a life for myself when I started auditioning for shows again and landed a tour with Sesame St. Live...and once again I packed up my luggage and hit the road..for THREE years! I went around the world with that show and learned a lot and when the time ended I threw my hands up and moved to NYC with my best friend and started auditioning and working as well as being on scholarship at a prestigious dance studio..barely making ends meet. I then retired from performing with an injury and didn't say Fuck IT..just FUCK! What am I supposed to do now!? I worked at the cosmetics store and I was doing well for myself for a while and I still wanted more when I landed my current gig..and I said Fuck it and joined up with the fashion brigade and have been there ever since.

As I hug my friend for what could possibly be the last time I whisper in her ear everything that I was feeling for her...Pride and jealousy and I told her to run. RUN and never look back. And as I walked to the train I wondered do I still have another few Fuck IT's left? I'm 31 now, and I think I'm working on settling down, but I still think that I have a few more left..don't I? At least one..right?

df.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

catching up..

been dealing with shit at work.. of course can't/won't type about it here. I decided that this blog wouldn't be going down that direction anymore..but I will say that I am working really hard to rise about everything...that's all..

that being said..let me give you a run down of what's been inspiring me..

OBAMA! YES! We watched at work and cried our eyes out...now go change some shit! and make it happen!

I helped #3 with a photo shoot that I styled, he colored and Friend did the hairs and #3 lil sis did the posing in front of the camera...was pretty major..

I got the BlackBerry Bold and I'm learning how to use it...I think that it maybe too much phone for me...we'll see..

I want to send two shout outs..

First to my lench..you're my rock and I love you more than my luggage..

Kuddles..for listening and helping her through the fog..

xoxo