It's been 20 YEARS...

I can't believe it... I'm five days late but this old dusty blog turned 20 years old on Feb 1st. Somehow I made it back to Hell's Kitchen, I live alone but Roommate lives around the corner. I am still a model agent, albeit now a Director. Reading my very first post is comedy and shows how new and innocent I once was lol. Currently in my office, trying to survive yet another fashion week....now I'm feeling my age. I'm 47...can you believe it?? The nerve!! LOL! xx DF

https://divafina.blogspot.com/2005/01/i-am-la-divafina.html

Hello? Is this thing still on???

 Here I am.. I was dared to resurrect this ancient tome from my not so innocent youth.

What does one write after such a long absence? 

I'm still in NY, it's almost the end of the year.. I'm turning 45 in two weeks...fuck.

When I started this blog I thought it was going to be a history of my time in NYC, I thought that I would be documenting my life as a performer, auditioning and doing various gigs around town. Little did I know that my life would take unexpected dips and turns. I still work in fashion (not sure how I managed that magic trick, but I did) I moved back to Cali for a brief stint and moved BACK to NY three years ago.. I've been living alone since 2014, no more Roommate after 11 years, though we still hang out and a still very codependent LOL. 

At some point someone looked over and actually told me I knew what I was doing and to my amazement, I actually believed them, finally no more Imposter Syndrome. I am no longer the new kid, the assistant or junior agent. It's wild. Unlike my life now, which is no longer wild, no more crazy stories and lives I live on the weekends anymore. I will be nine years "Cali Sober" in February. 

I no longer blog but I do tweet @LaDivafina and use Instagram @Divafina and various other outlets to get my thoughts and crazy out there.. I do have a journal on my phone that I try and update when I can but life, you know?

We are on the other side of global pandemic and we just barely made it over, the beginning was rough, my family was hit hard by COVID19 and I don't think my family or the world will ever recover from the insanity that was a worldwide shut down. For almost three years our lives have been masks, swabs, vaccines, booster shots, Antigen and PCR tests, antibodies count, more vaccines, monkey pox, blood tests and social distancing. 

Still single.. but I have a therapist going on 12 years and he says that it's ok to be single and some people will not find one true soulmate but instead work on their relationships and chosen family.. and that's what I do... I surround myself with amazing people that lift me up and make want to be a better person. I have the gym, my gay men's choir, my softball team and more! 

Did I ever think I was going to be 45 and thriving in NYC? Nope.. but here I am LOL!

I can say this, I somehow used my bruja powers when I made a post back on Wednesday March 16, 2005, a whole 6 months before I started working at Elite Models.. I was still dancing, singing and auditioning while working at Sephora.. here is an exerpt.

 I am going to make a bigger statement once I move. I'm going to make a change, for the better. I can feel it. I got a couple of positions at work that I want to go for and I have a good chance to get them. And I know that I want to be part in some way shape or form of the fashion industry. I don't how, but I will, and I will make a big contribution.

 Anyhoo, MerBear dared me.. so here it is.. My eyes are watery and my nose is itchy from dusting off this old ass journal.. digging her up from the dirt where I left her... love and light and all that shit.. xxdf.

NEW JOB...NEW IMAGES...

HEY GUYS..
GOT A NEW JOB..
HERE'S WHAT I'M WORKING ON!!


XOXOX
DF

Back...

Sorry for the long absence, but it's been a tough few weeks. Can't get into the specifics, but thanks to my new therapist I'm working through a lot of things that I never could address before. SO much has happened in the time since I last posted, a bit too much to rewrite, but I now know that I am worth so much more than I gave myself credit for, seriously.

I'm in a bit of a melancholy state right now, due to the crazy cold ass weather outside my window, more snow and wind blah, blah!

Therapist tells me that writing in this blog is very therapeutic for me, so I must make a bigger try to write down my crazy thoughts. 

I've given up alcohol again for Lent...my yearly self-imposed detox, it sort of snuck up on me this time. At least I'm not in Europe, I'm home...resting. 

Anyhow. Here is a song that for some reason popped into my head a minute ago that I thought that was appropriate for this mood. 

Alanis...

xoxo

DF.

DIANDRA @ ELITE

LIVING!!!

DF.

Fuck it..

" I just handed in my resignation.." My co-worker told me, I was shocked and speechless, which is very hard for me. I was also jealous and seeing red. A million thoughts swirled in my head, especially since her and I became really close on my first day, she kept asking me all these questions and asking me what to do when I finally had to tell her that I didn't know that since it my first day and she said that it was her first day too! Instant office BFF.

" What agency are you going too?" 

"I'm not, I'm retiring..moving to Perth in Australia to work as an organic farmer, I bought a ticket and I hope to be gone for two years." I was in awe of her, and sad for me. Not because I was losing an office friend, but I was jealous because it wasn't me leaving. She's 26 and she doesn't want to wonder what else is out there, this was her first job after college and she didn't want it to be her last. I totally understood it and was envious with her determination and bravery, I used to be like her, I used grab life by the horns and bend it to my will, I had dreams. 

I'm proud of my friend for throwing her hands up and saying "Fuck IT" and running away and finding herself..and that got me to thinking... How many Fuck IT's are we allotted in our life? How many times can we throw our shit in a duffle bag and find a new city or country and start all over..how many? One..two or three times? Are you considered a fuck UP for never committing? How many times have I actually said it? I've said it numerous times, too many for some peoples taste, hell I even think that I used up some of my Dad's and other family members that never left California. I threw my hands up and said Fuck IT to school and became a dancer, and started doing shows, went on my first tour and then ran to Hollywood and then I packed up my shit and ran to Chicago. I was young, in my early 20's and that shit is acceptable then, my dad calls it La Aventura, the adventure that every young Mexican man takes to find himself, though it's usually to find field work in America. So using my father as inspiration I landed in Chicago and struggled and cried and had a great time. I was making a life for myself when I started auditioning for shows again and landed a tour with Sesame St. Live...and once again I packed up my luggage and hit the road..for THREE years! I went around the world with that show and learned a lot and when the time ended I threw my hands up and moved to NYC with my best friend and started auditioning and working as well as being on scholarship at a prestigious dance studio..barely making ends meet. I then retired from performing with an injury and didn't say Fuck IT..just FUCK! What am I supposed to do now!? I worked at the cosmetics store and I was doing well for myself for a while and I still wanted more when I landed my current gig..and I said Fuck it and joined up with the fashion brigade and have been there ever since.

As I hug my friend for what could possibly be the last time I whisper in her ear everything that I was feeling for her...Pride and jealousy and I told her to run. RUN and never look back. And as I walked to the train I wondered do I still have another few Fuck IT's left? I'm 31 now, and I think I'm working on settling down, but I still think that I have a few more left..don't I? At least one..right?

df.

catching up..

been dealing with shit at work.. of course can't/won't type about it here. I decided that this blog wouldn't be going down that direction anymore..but I will say that I am working really hard to rise about everything...that's all..

that being said..let me give you a run down of what's been inspiring me..

OBAMA! YES! We watched at work and cried our eyes out...now go change some shit! and make it happen!

I helped #3 with a photo shoot that I styled, he colored and Friend did the hairs and #3 lil sis did the posing in front of the camera...was pretty major..

I got the BlackBerry Bold and I'm learning how to use it...I think that it maybe too much phone for me...we'll see..

I want to send two shout outs..

First to my lench..you're my rock and I love you more than my luggage..

Kuddles..for listening and helping her through the fog..

xoxo

df

Victor-Victoria

Hop on the Spiral BITCH!

This is a new fashion/art/music/whatever and everything blog that one of my children started!

Go give him some clicks! Divafina said so!  xoxo df.

Hoponthespiral

THE SEPTEMBER ISSUE-ANNA WINTOUR STORY

OMG!!! Can't wait to see this!

source: fashionologie

The song that was on my radio when my dad gave me my first car keys..

This song brings back MANY memories of sitting in a car begging Lencho for gas money.
Yellow Ledbetter.. enjoy df.

LA GRACE JONES!! LIVING!

THERE'S A PLANE IN THE HUDSON GURRRL!

NEW YORK (CNN) -- A US Airways plane with more than 150 people aboard was down in the Hudson River on Thursday after taking off from LaGuardia Airport, and everyone aboard is off the plane and alive, officials said.

Flight 1549, headed to Charlotte, North Carolina, may have experienced a bird strike -- when a bird or flock of birds is sucked into the jet -- according to FAA spokeswoman Laura Brown.
Passenger Alberto Pinero said that within a couple minutes after takeoff, "you just heard a loud bang and the plane shook a bit."
Passengers could smell smoke, and "the plane just started turning. ... We knew something was going on, 'cause look, we were turning back," he said. Everyone on board exited the Airbus A320, the Federal Aviation Administration said.
"Somehow, the plane stayed afloat and we were all able to get on a raft," Pinero said. "It's just incredible now that everyone's still alive."The pilot radioed to air traffic controllers that he had experienced a bird strike and declared an emergency, a New Jersey State Police source told CNN.

Pinero said rescue boats arrived immediately. Live video showed the plane bobbing in the water and moving with the current. City fire and police, plus U.S. Coast Guard units, were responding, and a ferry was dropping life jackets into the water.

The plane approached the water at a gradual angle and made a big splash, according to a witness watching from an office building.
"It wasn't going particularly fast. It was a slow contact with the water that it made," said the witness, Ben Vonklemperer.
"It appeared not to have landing gear engaged. This was bigger than a puddle-jumper or sea plane. It was a silver aircraft and it basically just hit the water," Vonklemperer added.An Airbus A320 has 150 seats -- 12 in first class and 138 in economy, according to the Airbus Web site.

***omg..look st the people on the pinche WINGS! Waiting for them to come and pick them up! That is some Snakes on a PLANE!!!

Aye dios...I don't know how long it's going to be before I'm able to get onto a plane again..my trip to Raleigh is over!

xo df

KINA- Girl From the Gutter

Kina came out in 2000, and I instantly fell in love with the whole album. Problem was, I kept telling everyone about her and everyone was buying her but I kept losing my copies of the pinche CD! I seriously replaced it like FOUR times, twice I bought her used at Amoeba records in Hollywood, but she kept running away from me! For some reason I was thinking about this song today and I went onto Itunes to try and buy it and lo and behold, they don't make it anymore! Apparently her label dropped her and the album is no longer in print, so I had to go onto Amazon and buy it as a "collectable"..whatevers, the point is I bought it! I just dropped another twenty bucks on this bitch...I can't wait to hear the hidden track!
enjoy! DF.

The Principal's Office- Dirty Dancing

I don't know what show this is, or what channel, but I'm going to start DVRing the damn thing! I love how these boys aren't afraid of looking gay or bullshit like that... oh no I didn't feel dirty after watching them.... hehehe df.

ANTM/Oxygen Party

Last night was the launch of ANTM on Oxygen and they had a huge family reunion with a lot of the winners and non winners of the show. I went and was surrounded by most of the girls that I represent from the show and some of them did the runway show. I took a co-worker and we had a blast! Now I'm a bit hungover from all the wine and will just let the photos speak for themselves.

GORDA!!

So I know that I that I've gained a few pounds, and I've been trying to change the way that I eat and also going to the gym again so in order to help each other out at the office we are all creating goals for fittness and for the next three months once a week we are going to have weigh-ins and see how well we are keeping to our goals. Well, when it was my turn for the scale I swear to GOD that it's being hateful and vindictive and telling me a weight that was six pounds more than it was on Saturday! I'm never going to eat anything solid ever again, I'm going to become inhuman like Karl Lagerfeld!

I hate HUH!

df.

LIVE FOR THIS!!

Ok, So way back in the summer of 1997 my bff Lencho and I became the first Rent-heads on the west coast when RENT opened at the La Jolla Playhouse for an extended run. We went opening night of previews and cried and sang our hearts out so much that when the cast came out and we were of course waiting, one of the cast members was like " We just had to meet the two loud Latinas sitting center, we were focused on both you two during the whole show!" Which wasn't hard because the almost the whole house was filled with blue haired season ticket holders who were walking out during the show at various stages, either when boys kissed boys, or girls on girls or bad words were screamed onstage...it was genius. I was 19 years old and doing my first professional show at the San Diego REP and I felt like I was on the right track and I was inspired, but I fell in love not just with the show but with Neil Patrick Harris who was playing the lead character of Mark Cohen and he was SO good that I instantly fell in love, so much so that the next day Lencho and I went back to see the show and bought the whole cast sunflowers boquets as they exited the show. Such a great memory...Lencho and I ended up seeing that show like 15 times that summer and had a blast doing it..
I'm adding the Doogie Howser MD remix from this weekend's SNL..

Hawaii!!

So I know that it's been a long ass time since I've written in this ancient tome..but you know.

She's been hella busy with life and shit and honestly went through a bit of depression that she is fighting I am fighting my way out of, slowly.

Changed the header image, thinking about changing my tag line, since I am no longer a boy and feel much more of a man at 31 now. Maybe I'll change it later, but I have been thinking about blogging for a very long time now and I will try to get it going again. But for now I'm just adding the video of my Xmas, Bday and New Years vacation in Hawaii!

Aloha!

Df.

SEASONS CHANGE

So I've been having some good couple of weeks, especially since the weather has changed! Currently NY is in the middle of some nice weather, it's basically the calm before the heat stroke that will come and smother all us here and make us sad, sweaty messes in the up coming months. But for the time being I'm enjoying the nice weather that reminds me of growing up in Cali. I've been in a really GREAT mood the past couple of days, I think that it has to do with feeling like I'm getting on in life, or is it just getting older or more complacent? I used to feel like I if I wasn't moving that I wasn't going to amount to anything, but this weekend all I wanted to do was sit on my new couch and watch cable, you couldn't have FORCED me to do that 10 years ago, hell's NO! Maybe it had to do with the four day weekend that we had thanks to labor day, who knows?

Anyhoo, I'm in a great place right now in my life, I actually have a command on myself and my emotions and basically my future. Sure, life would be a bit easier if I was making a few extra pesos, but I know that I will be taken care soon, I just have to bide my time and earn my stripes.  Roommate and I are friends again and that's good, we were at odds for so long, but I think that we have figure each other out for the most part. 

It's past 10 pm and I'm in my pajamas and I'm getting ready for bed, I had a full day today. I woke up hella early and got work a lot earlier than usual, and I had me a busy, steady day. I didn't take a lunch break and even when some CRAZY drama broke out on the booking table I just had to laugh it all off and learn from some of these other's crazy outbursts. So then I grabbed my bag and FINALLY made it back to the gym. After a few months of being scared to roll up into my expensive ass gym, it was like going home again. I took it easy and just used the eliptical machine and made a vow to start going back, so I already packed my bag for tomorrow morning. I'm going to plan to run and do some light stretching before work manana, I can't be all crazy and hit the weights just yet, hopefully by next week I'll be doing some light weights. 

I'm rambling, I know, but it just feels good to feel alive again. Want to send a shout out to my sistah girl Osito, she's been reading up and getting to know La Divafina. Hey CHOLA! Thanks for reading!

I'm gonna leave you with a FIERCE video from back in the day, I thought that it was appropriate for the title since we are changing seasons... :-)

Don't ya'll just love some Expose? night! DF..