" Feel this skin.... Are you going through it?"

Let me catch everyone up on what's been happening in my life since last I posted. I went to straight to work at my "real" job after completing my freelancing gig with the modeling agency without having a day off. My gym schedule was also thrown off but I managed to have some good times with friends over the last couple of days, I will bullet point to get in as much as possible.

• Paris is Burning: All the children to the floor!! #3 bought this movie on Friday since it was finally released on DVD. We spent Friday night watching it and it was funny to watch this movie after so many years and finding out that my gay vernacular was affected by this movie. We decided that we have our own house and the house is named Jose. I am Divafina from the House of Jose. Also it was queer to find out that almost everyone around me bought that DVD, from Roommate to Friend and others. It was a voguing weekend.." Are you going through it?"
• Caught smoking: So I started smoking again in Japan and it came back with me. I haven't made it a big deal, but #3 caught me smoking a cigarette on Saturday while I waited for the crew to make it to dinner. I felt like I was seven again and my mom caught me with a cigarette in the backyard, there was a moment where I forgot that I was a grown man and not a child. It's nice to have people care about your health. I know that I will quit again, especially since I almost passed out on the treadmill yesterday.
• Hooligans and beer: Sunday was a busy day at the store and I finally got a chance to go out and catch a movie with Tam. We had been trying to catch the movie Green Street Hooligans with Elijah Wood. I enjoyed the film, it was like a Football Fight Club, at least that's what Tam said. I have to remember that I live in New York now and that I have to get used to people talking through that whole thing. During very emotional and intense moments people would cat call the screen with "Frodo" or " My Precious". It was not needed, but we dealt with and almost froze to death inside the theatre. Tam and I then went to drink beer from tap because we were inspired by the movie. As we were walking to the bar we noticed these two piercing beams of light that shone into the sky and I was reminded that it was the fourth anniversary of the 9/11. I stopped to take pictures and my camera didn't do it justice. Tam and I got drunk off of beer, and had some great talk about my future and what I want to do, he told me that if I was offered a job with the modeling agency then I should take it because I was happier doing something that used and showcased my talents. It was just great to hear some good feedback from a friend and co-worker. It also marked the fourth anniversary of my fathers' artificial heart valve operation, so I called him while I walked home and wished him a happy fourth birthday, since he was dead for a few minutes during that operation and he was sort of reborn with a new heart.
  
• Day off...of everything!:I had the day off on Monday with plans to go to the gym and walk around and enjoy my day in Central Park. Well I received a call from my friend who worked at the modeling agency and he called to tell me that I was being offered a job with the his agency. I cried, it was weird being offered a job that you didn't go after, so of course I said yes and I planned to call on Tuesday so I could meet up with his boss and discuss pay and benefits. After that call I couldn't leave the apartment, I was freaking out, I started to doubt myself and my abilities and had to stay inside and watch television. But once Roommate came home he brought back down to earth and helped me through my episode.
  
• BBQ and The Cock: Went to the gym on this day off and got called into the modeling agency to have a meeting with the director. She made me wait for almost two hours before we had our meeting outside over a cigarette. Called #3 and went over to his place where we decided to go out and have dinner and drinks and celebrate my good fortune. Tam met up with us and we got a little tipsy and ended up at the Urge and the New Cock. Tacky Go-Go boys and one with an eggplant dick kept #3 entertained. Tam was right about this job and he was supportive with my decision to drop down to on call at the store. Stumbled home drunk and passed out.

• Humid and gross: Went to work late, it is mugging. There is another hurricane messing up out weather here, and it's effecting my joints. I'm turning into an old lady who swears that they can feel rain coming from their knees, which I do. Deposited a check and came home early from work. Just chilling and catching up with friends on the phone. Happy to know that this is my last week at the store and then I get to start my new gig. Also think that it's funny that some of my friends have started blogs after reading mine, want to welcome them to the blogsphere, even if I did have to help them name one. I'm off to bed..love you guys...df

And back to life....

The show finally went up last night and it was one of the most thrilling, exciting and stressful things that I have ever been involved with. I felt like everyone and everything was either yelling or being forced upon me and the few of us that were assisting with the production. I can't go into detail right now because I'm exhausted from having to work today at my "real" job and not get anytime to recover from the maddness that is a fashion show. I was home last night by 11:45 and in bed by midnight. I haven't slept much and I just got home from hanging out with #3 and I'm about to head to bed. It's just hard to go back to slinging stupid samples when I was just being fabulous with the glitteratti last night...back to life...back to reality... night df

GET ME GUCCI!!!

I'm having a blast working at the modeling agency, I just wish that I hadn't went and got myself a small cold. I'm old enough to know my body, but I still don't listen to it as much as I should. I came home from work yesterday around 6pm. That was early for me, considering we've been putting in 13 hour days. I was feeling a little bit under the weather all day, we had SO many fires to put out yesterday, but out of all them I was most stressed out about the task that I was made to do. You can call it my Queer Eye curse, my whole gay life has been about women thinking that I can do things that all faggots should be able to do! Like I should know how to sew, or cook, or do hair. I can't, I'm not that gay. I also HATE to go shopping, it's true, I'm a power shopper. Get in and get out, don't try anything on because that takes to much time. So for some reason my boss( who's fucking fierce!!) decided to trust me with getting her dress for the show, you know the one that she's going to wear on the red carpet.
"Jose!! Call Prada, Gucci and whoever and tell them that I need a dress!! And HURRY!"
" Okay!, (trying to sound capable and secure) Which one? What color? "
"Jose, YOU'RE GAAAAYY, you decide"
End of conversation, and the way she rhymed Jose with gay, she made both the AY sounds long and shrill. Jose is Gay, I haven't heard that since elementary school, and even then it was because I looked up the word gay in the dictionary and it meant happy, so I, wanting a bigger vocabulary than everyone else adopted the word and started using it.
"Jose, you wanna come to house and have nieve?" My boyhood friend would ask.
" I would love to come over and have some ice cream, it makes me GAY!" I would exclaim with such vigor and youthfulness.
Little did I know that ice cream does not make you gay, it makes you happy and fat, but not gay. Sucking dick makes you gay, and that wouldn't come into my life for another seven years, so I became Jose is GAAAY. Not because I liked boys, but because ice cream made me gay. I was asked by the teacher why I was telling everyone I was gay and I had to tell him that it meant happy.
"Jose I KNOW what gay means, but also means something else...." Long pause as I looked up at him with tears welling up in my eyes( I always hated when men taller than my dad talked to me, and Mr. Rendon was waaaay taller than my dad).
"What?.....What else does it mean Mr. Rendon?" I had asked meekly,I was scared that I was in trouble, what was the big deal. I can't be happy? Was it a crime to be gay in 1986? Apparently it was, because he got all red in the face and then took a long look at me. I mean a loooong hard, trying to figure me out look. The one where you look at those magic picture where you have to squint, get you're eyes out of focus and then sneeze to see the pansy in the garden. That's how he saw me, the boy with the matching two piece burgundy sweat suit, the top had a hood with no sleeves, very 80's, very now. And the shorts matched, but I had started to outgrow them and my legs were a little too long for them by then, but I insisted on wearing them together because they were a set and I didn't want them to be apart. My hair was styled with so much AquaNet and DEP gel that it was harder than cement, I had to have to highest waterfall like bangs in the world, even then I knew that my hair was an asset. I was wearing some sneakers that I think we got at the swapmeet, but I kept them nice and clean. The deal breaker, the one that made my picture jump out at him, was when he got to my shoes he noticed that I wearing what my little brother so now affectionately calls Bitty socks, you know ankle socks. I didn't want to wear long tube socks they look out of place, so I got a pair of my sisters socks, the kind she wears with shorts. Only hers had the little trimming around the sock in pastel colors, pink, yellow, baby blue, lavender. I chose the most masculine color she had available that would match with my outfit, LAVENDER. It even had the little pom pom on the end of the sock, that hangs over the back of the shoe. After that stare that seemed like a life time, but really was only a nanosecond, I shifted my weight, put one hand on my hip and brought the other one over my eyes so I could look up at Mr. Rendon and not get blinded by the sun. There on the black top, on the Four Square painted lines, Mr. Rendon figured out that I was a gay. Not ice cream happy, but dick happy. He told me to stop calling myself gay and he left it at that. I let it slip away and never thought about that moment until much later in my adolescence when Jose is GAAAY became an accusation and insult.
So I sat at my desk completely stunned, who do I call? I've never done this before, she'll fire me. Five minutes go by before she calls me on the phone to ask if I've found her a dress, or if I have any ideas. When I tell her that I don't she yells at me to bring her that latest Vogue, I go and find it. It's September 2005 and it's HUGE, a fashion issue with Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover. I notice that if this gets thrown at me it's going to hurt. She grabs it from me and starts looking through it like she's looking for a spell or incantation to ward off evil spirits.
"Look Josssaaay, she her? I want something cute, small, I want to show off my legs!"
"I was thinking a nice black pant suit? Very strong and sexy at the..."
"PANTS! Hell no! Josssaaaay, I've got great legs let me show them off while I still got them!"
She hands me the book, thankfully, and my job now is to scour the magazine until I find her the dress. Why me? I suck at this, I flip page after page. Damn these current fashions! Twenty minutes go by.
"Jossssaaay, where are we with that dress?" She beckons from inside her office.
"I've tabbed the pages with possibilities, maybe Valentino, or Prada or..."
"NO, I want to be sexy, all of these are shit. Keep looking, make me look good Jose."
"Okay!" I said though I had no idea how I was going to do this, all the other assistants were off shuttling the young models from shoots and castings and I was left alone. I'm on the internet trying to look at websites when she comes out of her office to look at the Vogue once more. I opened it for her to a page that I hadn't gotten to and there was this beautiful silk navy blue long sleeved dress that this actress was wearing on page 541. It had a nice plunging kneck line and it was perfect for her.
"YES! That's it, I love it! Where can we get?" And by we, she means me. I quickly scan the page and look for a name, anything, what is it? YSL? Dolce and Gabbana? WHAT! I notice then the caption while she's looking at the other magazines, it's....GUCCI!
"It's Gucci, the dress is Gucci." I tell her this thinking like a poor Mexican boy would, like it's a dream dress and it's only found in magazines, not in your closet. I sounded like I let her down, you know liked I failed. She looked over at me with this nonchalant look and said.
"SO? I love Gucci, Get me GUCCI!"
"But the dress is $1,000!"
"Jose, the dress is me, Gucci is me, I need this dress. Call them and tell them that I need this dress."
Well I guess she told me, so I started my search which would last the rest of the day. The Gucci boutiques in NYC did not buy the dress Niemen Marcus did, but there are no NM in NYC. When I tell her this she doesn't care about the cost have them send it to us. I call around all afternoon and no one can find the dress that's on page 541 of the latest Vogue, she even went home early yesterday and called my cell phone while I was home to ask about the dress. I've been on the phone with so many different store and personal shoppers that today I was scared to tell her that I didn't have a dress. Thank God my friend who got me the gig was at the office today when she called. He's her real assistant and I'm just filling in for the time being, he got on the phone and told her that everything was going to be alright and that the boutique would have something similar to that and to go shopping on Sunday. She was happy after that, I was pissed, but she was happy. I still can't believe all the pressure that put myself under and the problem that I thought we had wasn't that big after all. I ended up coming home early and just resting in bed the remainder of the afternoon. I'm all high on drugs for this cold and can't wait to fall asleep, I just had to write this. If you guys get a chance, page 541 on the new Vogue, had a kick ass dress that you can't get anywhere in the U.S. night....df

Have I arrived??

I'm a little bit drunk, tired and fighting a cold. I know that these pictures say a thousand words. We had welcome /birthday party for the models and one in particular. Her name is Melissa Haro, the young cute chick from last seasons Project Runway. It was her 18 birthday and her friend Austin Scarlett arrived to celebrate, I had to take a picture and chat with one of my favorite designers, I mean, we didn't have much to talk about, seeing as he's practically a vampire and I'm a witch , but I made it happen. The other picture is another up and coming model from Brazil who's name I can't remember, but look at her! She's hot! I need to go to bed, but I had to upload this pictures because no one was going to believe me. And those of you night owls may recognize The Park off of 10th Ave. Here in NYC. I couldn't believe that it was a restaurant, I had only gone when it was a gay-seedy-fun club. I had a blast because it was VIP and private. I could get used to this...df

Models, models EVERYWHERE!!!

I've been working 13 hour days helping my friend out at the modeling agency. They, we've, have a HUGE fashion show that is coming up next week. I'm helping out by being a production assistant, and for those of you who don't know what that is, it means I'm everyones bitch. I do whatever they need me too. It's a great oppurtunity and I'm learning a great deal. I just wish that I had more time, I'm to tired to go the gym nor do I have time to hang out with anyone. For example, Esmeralda was broken and her replacement was sent to me on Monday, I just last night finally had the chance to pick up the new Ipod from a friend who was keeping it safe for me and i reloaded all the songs onto Esmeralda the sequal. It took all night to upload over 2,000 songs. I didn't know how much I had become to depend on my Ipod to keep me from interacting with people on the streets of New York. I can't really type right now, I'm actually at the modeling agency and as I write this there is this giraffe of a blonde being taught how to walk before she goes out for casting for fashion week. She needs help, and everyone knows that I can walk, but they're not paying me to teach, I'm here to learn....and answer phones.... Anyone ever read the Devil wore Prada? I'm living here, and she wears Gucci. I love it!! By for now...df

Some Pictures from Japan...

This was one of the pages from a childre's coloring book that was giving to me from one of my cast members, it really is Found Porn. I don't think that the people who drew this had me in mind, nor do I think I even have to point it out how homo this is...or do I?

The toilet on here is not your ordinary run of the mill toilet. He has a bidet added to him and I named him Henry. He is probably one of the things that I'm gonna miss the most, he even had a seat warmer! I need to get one of those. I post more as time goes on, have fun...DF.

I did it for the SHOES......!!

I've been back from Japan since Monday night, but I've been having so many little novela dramas whilst I've been home that I can finally commit to writing most of what happen this past week. Are we ready kids?? Okay here we go!!

• Sayonara- We closed the shows and then I decided that I wouldn't come back and I told management that I would not be joining the show for the European leg of the tour, which was rather difficult to do, but all I had to do was feel how my leg and hip felt and I knew why I had left the "Street". Besides more than half the cast wasn't coming back and this cast was the best of the worst and the worst of the best. I couldn't have asked for a better group of performers to work with, they were all professional and could work it out!! The last show was INSANE!!! I wish that we would have taped it because we were all on fire! The show had three original cast members that helped to originate the show, including me, and we made a pact that this was the last one. I mean four years of marching is a long time, AND I got four pairs for brand new tennis, I totally did this tour for the shoes!
• The long journey home!- Well, on Monday after waking up with the craziest and worst hangover from the closing night party. Those of us that were leaving then got our shit together for this trip, we were to take the bullet train from Osaka to Tokyo then a another train to the airport. The trip all in all took four hours, then we had to get our luggage that had been shipped ahead and reorganize our bags so we could check in. The lines were CRAZY!! Thanks to the Northwestern Strike all our flights were a little, what's the word? Fucked Up!! We didn't know what was going on, after checking in we had some McDonald's, our last meal as a group, and went on in to get checked again, then head through immigration. Well we made it through and I thought that I would have sometime to go the bathroom and take care of the kids. Well they started to announce all of our flights and we had to give each other quick hugs and sad " See you laters...". Which I think was good cuz if we had had more time it would have been over! The plane was packed and I had the aisle seat, but I was sitting next to two little Asian girls that were part of a group that was coming to the states to no doubt come shopping in my store and ask for samples. Anyhow, I'm already upset, disoriented, hungover, sad, bloated and sleepy. All I want to do is take a small nap, but as soon as we get going and we're in the air I start to fall asleep wouldn't you know that both of them had tiny bladders!! I let them know that I was very unhappy, but I did it was a big sigh and an evil look, which those of you know can freeze a bird in the sky. But did that stop them? Nope, throughout the flight they needed to get up and use the john, so I didn't get to sleep. I did get to watch three movies that I wouldn't have otherwise, Guess Who?, The Ice Princess, and Madagascar. We finally flew into Detroit, because heaven forbid I get a direct flight home, two hours before I had left Japan. I had gained 26 hours!! I was confused to say the least!! Cell phone worked and I started calling my peeps!! I was so excited to hear everyone's voices, but I had to wait another four hours before I could get to fly home. Stupid strike!! I had been awake by the time that I got home after taking a shuttle home from La Guardia, ( which took another two hours) over 40 hours or something unheard of like that. I got to catch up with Roommate and give out his presents and went to bed, after taking the best shower ever!!
• The rest of the week- Got up on Tuesday at six in the morning and was still jet lagged, Rommate and I had " Get it DONE Tuesday", which is when most of our chores get completed, I unpacked, did all my laundry, cleaned the apartment, and hung out. I was supposed to go hang out with Tam that day but I fell asleep around 8pm and didn't wake up until the next day. Wednesday I woke up and went to the Apple store to get my Ipod Esmeralda looked at, she had stopped working when we were on the way to Nagoya. I had a little moment when the guy told me that she had basically died and needed to call HP to get a new one sent out. Went to the gym to get rid of the six pounds that I gained in Japan, damn those carbs!! I came home and figured out that my computer is fucked, every time that I launch Explorer it shuts down and I lose all my work, which is what kept happening with the blog. I'm now on Mozilla and I am in love!!
• Work!!- Since I've been gone, my store has been cutting hours like crazy. Thank GOD, that I went around the world to earn my rent money, because I only got 20 hours this week! It has to do with us not making our goals, but I'm supposed to be fulltime. I'm not some high school kid, I gots to pay my bills. This is were my good friend Ryan comes in, he's the one that we used to sublet from, he booked me a freelancing gig with his modeling agency helping them wrangle their models and just be his assistant. I was able to get my time off from my store, and frankly, they're so happy that I got this. I'm helping them by not coming in to work. I'm hoping that if this works out I can do some more work with them in the future, this will be good exposure. Especially since I only worked one hour today before I was allowed to go home since it was SO slow.
  

Well that is about it, I think? I hope that everyone is caught up. I'll be posting some pictures from the trip later on. I'm home now, bored, #3 is not here, Colorado is nowhere to be found, Roommate is at his Kabbalah meeting and going over to Flacas house in Queens. I'm nervous about tomorrow with this new gig, hopefully I can hang. Love you guys!! DF

Nagoya-Osaka...

I haven't had internet access for a couple of days now and let me tell you that I wouldn't have had time anyways to write. After the party on Sunday we all went out to go dancing and get some drinks. We all got down up and we went OUT!! I spent around 1,000 yen, which comes out to about 100 dollars. I was SO drunk that I couldn't walk or talk but somehow I was still trying to go around and ask the people at some straight bar that we were at if they knew where the gay bars where at. All I kept getting were some blank stares and quick and hushed excuses, the only thing I found was this beat down tranny who ended thinking that I was cute and kept buying me drinks, shit, I'll sit with a tranny for a spell if she buy me some Coronas. The next day we went off on some great adventure and had some fun..I'm gonna bullet point the rest because I'm not on my computer and can't load up pictures.

• I Hart Bullet Trains- We took the high speed bullet trains to Nagoya from Tokyo and it was the must eye catching ride ever, we saw the country side and the ocean as well as some amazing houses. The ride was over two hours but the train was so clean and passenger friendly that it puts anything that the U.S. has to shame, the only thing that we couldn't stand was that for some reason, in most parts of Japan, the don't believe in air conditioning.
• Earthquake on stage!!!- In the northern part of Japan there was a big earthquake about 7.5 on the Richter scale. We are so far south, luckily, that we didn't feel anything, we were on stage when it happened and only felt some weaving and we thought that we were just tired form having to do three shows in one day again. I didn't get a chance to call everyone and tell them that we were all alright until a day later when the news hit the U.S., but as you all know, I'm from California, I eat earthquakes for breakfast.
• TIRED!!- Slept for 12 hours last night, and had a travel day today. I got most of my shopping done for souvenirs today at an antiques market infront of temple in Nagoya. And I also got the rest done here in Osaka. I got some great things for some lucky people back home. I ran out of my per diem today, and I think that I did well considering all the stuff that came out of it, namely a camera and all of the crap for other people. I gotta get off this thing my time is almost up...write more later..love df

Harajuku and all the rest...

We didn't go out last night as planned. In fact, we got home and passed out and woke up at four in the morning to finish packing. We leave the lovely city of Tokyo in the morning and our producers have sent our luggage ahead off us via a FedEx type of company. We are to travel to the city of Nagoya on Monday by train, which is two hours away. We had to pack an overnight bag with the stuff that we would need. We're off to the Harajuku district today, it's a must! I need to get some gifts for the clan back home, my Roommate would have a fit if I didn't get him something fierce from there. I think that tonight we are all gonna get smashed, Sake anyone? They put the offer for the European leg of this tour, it would start the middle of December and possibly go until March, if not then it would end the beginning of January and start up again in February. We've done 24 shows this week, and it would basically be the same schedule over there as well. I can't do that to myself, not anymore. I feel that I've accomplished SO much in the past year since I've been off this crazy ride. I finally have a life, got some great friends, and am happy. This tour has helped me realize how good I have it, and that all my hard work has paid off. So I'm calling this my farewell tour. I am Cher this time and since I called that last one the final, I can come back and call this my farewell tour. I'm having my closure with this show and I feel more than okay to do this, I'm in better shape than I was when I left tour and I have to keep getting better, and being on this thing does not let me accomplish my short range goals, let alone my long range ones. I gotta run, I got one more show to do..see you guys in Nagoya..love df.

Still Standing..

We have been worked to death!! We already have one girl out of the shows due some weird blister thing that got really infected over the course of two days and now she can't walk on it without pain let alone run around in a stupid Muppet costume. I haven't written 'cuz we don't have internet access at home, and here at the theatre I'm trying to stretch, eat, and rest before and after each show. Today is Saturday and I've already performed two shows, we got one more and we'll be happy. It's supposed to be Japan's gay pride here this weekend after having a two year break. I'm not sure if we're gonna have the energy to go out and be faggy, but I have to go out and trip the light fagtastic sometime in Tokyo, everyone tells me that I'll have a blast. I'm still loving this city, and country and culture. Our promoters have treated us like gold while we've been here, there has been almost no need for us to go out and buy snacks. Every couple of hours some new type of food just shows up on the tables, be it juice, pastry or some alcoholic jelly shots. Our live performers family members keep bringing us some interesting traditional Japanese snacks that are either hit or miss with us, but hey, when shit is free, we ain't complaining.
We all have been having a great time here, I'm SO happy to be here. Every morning we wake up and can't believe that we lucky enough to be where we are. One other thing, apparently our promoters have also brought another show here besides us at the same time. Chicago, the musical is here with us and at the same hotel. I was hoping to meet some of the cast, but it turns out that some of them were kind of rude and bitchy when they found out what kind of show we were. Now, don't get me wrong, if you're bitchy and fierce then you got a reason to be bitchy. But when you're bitchy and more or less mediocre. Well then, that's just plain ugly. We got to see this show( for free, lord knows I don't pay for theatre, I AM theatre DAMMIT!) and it was not what I expected. I lived next the Chicago in NYC when I lived in Hell's Kitchen. I walked past it at least twice a day to get to work and home. And I never once went and saw it, I saw the movie, that I thought was hot. So I guess I was expecting some fierceness, there were some that gave you a little something-something. But other than that I was kinda bored and not impressed with the guys or some of the girls that were on stage. Except the leads were good, the lady that played Velma could sing, but dance, well, she's no Bebe. And the other woman who played Roxie, she had good timing, reminded me of a Goldie Hawn/Pattie Lupon. She could kinda dance, but acted her ass off. The chica that played the Kitty part, she had legs for days and amazing technique. Of the boys I only liked Tyce Diorio, and that's because I took his class when he was teaching at BDC. I gotta run, I can't seem to be able to post pictures from the last night, so I'll try after the show. Love you guys..df

Another Opening, Another Show!

So we opened this morning to a three show Wednesday. It's harsh, but all the performers on this tour are veterans and can get through it. It's sort of the like the march of the dinosaurs, everyone is awesome at what they do, but we are also old and snap, crack and moan. We've all been in costumes for a while and know how to work it. Anyhow, today our live performer Rei, pronounced Lei, gave everyone in the cast a traditional Japanese gift when you open a show. It was a cute black box with her name and good luck on the cover in her language. Inside was real sushi, not the kind that we're used to back home, you know California Rolls and such. This was full on stuff that was still moving and came neatly packaged like it was from a picture. The only person besides my Asian roommate to eat it, was I think, me. I decided that when I got off the plane I would try almost anything from this culture, and since I'm a Goonie, am not afraid to try new things.
Here are the pics from me eating it, I finished all of it. I feel fine and a little proud of myself. I just hope that I can finish the next two shows without hurting myself. We also have an opening night party from the promoters and I will try not to make a fool of myself. Hopefully the sushi won't make my body freak out. I gotta run, write more later, I'll be taking pics at the party..love you df.

Lost in Translation...

I'm finally able to get on the internet. Our hotel doesn't have access, and my wireless card wasn't picking up shit, but at the theatre it's smooth sailing. It's actually 10am on Tuesday August 9, 2005. I'm a whole 13 hours ahead of New York City. It's weird trying to adjust to the time difference as well as the language barrier. I love it here, the people are so nice and polite. The streets are amazingly clean, there are NO trash cans to be found, so you have to carry your trash with you until you come across one, or take it back home. I even saw the cutest little garbage truck with the cleanest ever sanitary workers, they pick up your trash and then sweep and wash your sidewalk for you, it was SO considerate. I will add some pics later when I have time, I'm actually about to have rehearsals for the show, we have our finally dress tonight and we open with three show manana...I'm gonna die here, it's early morning and it's already 90 degrees outside. Let me just say that the hotel here is five stars and it's wicked cool!! The pics are from the hotel and the electronics district, Akihabara, where I bought my nifty new camera.
I'll add more pics later...gotta run..Sayonara!! df

I MADE IT!!!

I'm here in a JAPAN!! Actually I'm at the Tokyo airport waiting for the rest of my group to arrive. I haven't had much sleep, it's a twelve hour time difference here and for some reason people think that I speak and understand Japanese. I guess I must look Asian with my tired eyes. I hated flying Northwest Airlines, the flight attendants were horrible, except for the one gay guy who I had yell at some kids that were fucking with the bathrooms. The movies didn't work and neither did that pain killer with the two bottles of white wine that I had. I could not fall asleep. Funniest thing that happened before we took off, I was praying with my rosary and I forgot the prayers, couldn't bring up any memories for Hail Mary, or the Our Father. I kept jumping in and out of the flag salute and some prayer in Spanish that my grandma used to make me say when I was little. I'm tired, and we are on our way to airport....Sayonara!! DF.

Almost there!!

I had a delicious weekend. I went upstate on Saturday with #3 and Dad along with his friend Red. I'll write more about that experience when I get the pictures from #3 so you can see how butch I was climbing rocks and being one with nature. I was SO Goonies!!! I work until Wednesday and I leave for Japan on Friday, I can't believe that I'm going. I got my passport back with my work visa from Japan last Friday and it's almost worth going on tour again just to collect those stamps from around the world. I'm off to bed, I'll have to get the pictures back from my trip cause you won't believe it, even when you see it...night df

When the world's as hot as July, it's the world against you and I.

Those are lyrics from JaRule's song What would I be without you?, I remember that song because I was in Chicago when that song dropped and it made SO much sense then. Up until then I had be living in SoCal and never had a real hot July. Well kids, the summer of '01 has nothing on the summer of '05 in NYC!! The shit here has been to darn hot! I walk around in a haze with my tongue sticking out like some puppy, only I don't have a leash or a hot guy to walk me around my neighborhood. I've been very good this week with hitting the gym before work and trying to eat right. I can't believe that four years ago this week I had packed up all my shit in Chicago and ran away with the people on that block that we all grew up with. I'm also very excited that I'll be on the way to Japan a week from manana. Am I scared? I don't know, partly because this is the first country where I'm not going to know the language and the culture will be foreign to me. So I can't wait to feel like everyone else did when we were in Mexico, Puerto Rico and all over the Southwest. I don't know what else to write, it's Thursday so that means that I have to work the early shift on Friday and my body is telling me to get ready for bed. I have a full weekend planned, I'm meeting friends tomorrow afternoon and then hanging out with the girls in the evening. On Saturday we may be going upstate to go hiking, I know, me hiking! It will be cute and lovely and totally worth getting out of the city. I read a cool quote last night, "Tourists don't know where they've been, travelers don't know where they're going."-Paul Theroux wrote that and I thought that it was very fitting..aight guys...night love df

Blast from the Past

I've been a horrible blogger and haven't written much. I just took a break from the internet for a couple of days and didn't feel like logging on to anything. I've been doing the same BS, you know working and going to the gym. I'm broke and it's FUCKING HOT!! Walking around is torture. I had a good week other than that, I had a great surprise from an old friend this weekend. That beautiful man to the left is one my oldest friends from back home. I've known him for about ten years. PMK as I like to call him, is a from a great and innocent part of my past. We were 18 when we met, and though we've drifted apart there for a while I try never to miss his birthday or send him shout out when the holidays grow near. The last time that we saw each other was in NYC over two years ago and we made up for lost time. We have the same close friends from back home and since we are the farthest away from them it's great to get together and reminisce. He is as smart as he is beautiful, he's just finished his first year of med school and is getting his MBA at the SAME TIME!! I met up with him on Friday, after I went to work early and hit the gym hard. I had to, this man runs marathons, is personal trainer and has been known to be a model! So after we caught up we went over to #3's house and came down to the village and had dinner, and had to much to drink. We then came back to #3's and Colorado's house and kept on drinking. That picture up there was taken before dinner and the subsequent ones that I can't show tell the whole story. Apparently I got camera happy and I took over a 100 photos of a bunch of nonsense, but it was so much fun. I don't remember getting home, but I do remember calling out and throwing up all morning. By the time that I had gotten home I had been awake for over 24 hours, I was a mess, but it was worth it to hang out with PMK. Love you man!!
Moving on with today. I thought that I was to start an advanced level training for my job tomorrow morning, but it turns out that I was given the wrong info and it was for today. I'm a little bit upset, because now I have to wait for a few more months to be recognized as an expert in my world, even though I feel and know that I have the knowledge. Thanks again to #3 for keeping me in check. Not much else to write, I'm going to Japan next Friday and I'm melancholy about it, I'm just not excited by it. I'm a freak, I know. Roommate is in Queens and this place is a little quiet, but I'm taken advantage of it. By the way, look at the pic of me up there!! How skinny do I look? All that working out is paying off!! Aight, love DF.

The King of IKEA!!

So I finished Harry Potter on Sunday morning and all I can say is whatever!! I was expecting more after waiting for two years for that damn book and then I stay up all weekend to read it. I even read part of it in the dark while waiting for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That movie sucked too! Anyhow, I went home early from work and hung out with friends, I drank too much and partook in some illicit materials that kept me up in the early morning light of Monday. Monday was chill, spent the day recovering from the night before, skipped the gym for some sleep. Hollywood called me up, and I went over to see her place for the first time. She lives right around the corner, and I've been in my place for about two months. We watched Annie Hall, ate pizza, drank rum and cokes. And then her roommate came home and we proceeded to smoke some mota and watch television. We were a mess, laughing at each other and having a great time. I came home around 11 and I passed out by midnight. Roommate woke me up this morning with his cleaning and setting up some of the IKEA stuff that he had bought for our place last week. Well since this is get it done Tuesday I got up and we went on this journey to pick up his boyfriend's car and drive over to the IKEA in Jersey. We picked up some shelves and came home, in traffic, and started to put some things together. All I have to say is that my Roommate is the KING of IKEA, he can put anything together that comes with crazy hieroglyphic instructions. At one point he showed me that I needed to help him because the instructions showed a second person helping the first with the project. He was amazing with his little tools and his electrical drill, I was a great helper and I have to say that we were proud the job that we did, if you could have seen the ugliness that was this apartment before we used our queer eye you would have to told us to be homeless. Got to work manana, trying to get the gym before slave time..love you..df

It's HARRY POTTER!!

I went to work early this morning and ran to the gym. Came home and hung out for a bit, took a nap and watched a movie. I don't want to even pretend to understand Ocean's Twelve. What the fuck was that movie about? Anyhow, today was Flaca's birthday and Roommate and him went out to celebrate. Roommate also brought home the latest installment of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I've been waiting forever for this book, and I actually thought about calling in sick to work in the morning so I can finsh reading it. I'm such a dork..night DF

He ain't heavy...

Not much has happened since my last post, nothing interesting at least. I'm loving the fact that I can walk to work, so I can notice all the things that I take for granted. I got my first review with my job after four years of working for this company off and on. I also got a raise, it was only $1.46, not what I was expecting but at least it was something. My review was as I expected, everything about me is fine, smart, blah, emotional, has bad days, needs to be more positive. I've been having those since high school, somethings never change.
My father is in Guadalajara with my youngest sibling, they are on vacation together. I can't help be but a little jealous of all the time that my brothers have all gotten with him. I really wish that I would have had the dad that they have now. I didn't get the fun supportive dad that shows up to all your little league games. I didn't have the father who picks you up from school and knows all your friends, takes you everywhere and treats you like a prince. I got a totally different guy, I guess after SO many kids he finally got it right. My brother, the littlest one, my fathers' namesake. He got it all, not the physical, but the emotional. I'm sure he never gets hit, or gets scolded, or gets let down. He doesn't get stood up for the movies or juggled around with different family members when other things come up in my dad's life. No, not this one, he's happy. He likes to go all the place that my dad does. He loves the junkyard, the swapmeet and the yard sales. All the places that I was forced to go to as a kid. I'm sure he has never felt embarrassed by him, my Apa, my idol. He got the dad that's tired of fighting, the retired dad. The one who doesn't have to work so had anymore. The one who makes sure he does his homework, the one who cooks for him and is proud of what he accomplishes. He gets the physical, I get the phone calls. I don't know my little brother and sometimes I know that I keep away from him because I'm jealous of all that he has. He basically is an only child, he didn't grow up with so many screaming kids, he got older teen-aged siblings who waited on him hand and foot. I'm the far way brother, the one who never calls or writes. The one who doesn't know his birthday, who he sees once a year. I'm the one he will never catch up too, not in my fathers eyes. I see him as lucky, and I'm sure he sees me the same. He tells me that he hates to be compared to me, and tell him that I would gladly trade lives and go back home. My dad, one day he will be gone, and I will be left with a little clone of him. One who'll be able to claim all the gold chains and bracelets with my dad's name on them. He will keep the belt buckles and cowboy boots. He will know how to get around Tijuana, the town that I loathe. I will have only memories as will he, of two entirely different men, who were one in the same. I had the father I would stay up all night for, to make sure he was alright. I got the man I would have to go into catinas and drag out. I had the dad that you would have to pick up and take to bed after a night of rancheros and too many beers. I had a dad that would look and me and tell me to not grow up to be him, and he would spit on the carpet and pass out. He got the sober dad, the together dad. Was it the better, or the deafeated dad? Whatever it is, we all got him, and we're his sons.

I don't know where that came from, but it needs some work. It's a good start, I need to go to bed..night love df.

Fantastic Four?

I finally had a decent day off! After working like an illegal immigrant for the past two weeks, having a day where I had no plans other than the mundane, was a gift. I had a long day yesterday and didn't really have anything to write about, except of course watching the men's final in figure skating world championship. Was very much impressed with some of the new hotties, as well as being taking aback with how many bottoms go sailing through the air. Which is funny, because the guy who won the whole thing is some Swiss guy, can't remember his name. He's the one with the flying spilt leap. I thought that I saw him while I was walking home and when I mentioned it this to Roommate he walked right up to him and asked him if he was an ice skater. Of course it wasn't him, but he was mighty fine and straight to boot!
When I was on my way to the gym I dropped off my clothes at the fluff and fold, my bag was over 22 pounds! What? How many underwear do I own? It won't be ready until after 6 tomorrow evening, I'm going to have to get creative for work tomorrow, cuz Momma ain't got no clean chonies. I also went to get a Metrocard for the week and it turns out that I have next to NO money in my account. I must have miscalculated my funds and the trip to Minneapolis didn't pay well. I worked out and discovered that I didn't have my keys, so I went over and met up with Rommate and picked up his set and ended up waiting around for his shift to finish so we could catch a showing of Fantastic Four which is a one of the many comics that I used to collect as a kid. I consider myself an expert on the FF so I was very excited to see this movie. I didn't like it, the story was loaded with plot holes and there were a lot of things that were changed for the movie that made a diehard fan like me, well, cheated. I was going to see this movie whether or not it was good or bad. I have to, I'm a dorky kid that played Dungeons and Dragons, collected comic books and wished on all the stars that I could see to become a superhero and save myself from my crazy family. The sequel has to be better! I have to work in the afternoon manana, I haven't closed in forever. I hope that I remember how. Goodnight..df

I Krump for Jesus.....

I've had one day off this past week. I'm trying to makeup for the trip to Minneapolis, so today when we realized that I had basically caught up with the overtime and holiday pay etc., they sent me home a little early. Thanks to the heavens above, I was a little irate and evil today. I walked home and enjoyed the hot weather and sun and came home to find Roommate and his SO hanging out. For lack of a better name I'm gonna start to call him Flaca, he and I went on the roof to smoke a cigarette and look out over the city and talk. Roommate and I decided to run and catch a showing of the David Lachapelle movie Rize, it's an amazing documentary on the Los Angeles area dance movement called "Clowning" or "Krumping". Apparently after the Rodney King riots in the early 90's this guy created this party crew that would do birthdays and basically keep the chilren off the street. Anyhow the story shows how the movement branched out into the " Krumpers", who were once part of the clown groups. They even have this thing called the Battle Zone where they battle rival crews in front of practically all of Watts. What I loved about the movie, besides the pyrotechnic dance moves, was the realness of the people. They were so uninhibited by Mr. Lachapelles' camera that it made them endearing and some of the stories made me tear up a bit. Best line in the movie was Dragon's mom saying that she loves that he Krumps and that she Krumps as well, only she Krumps for Jesus. Go see it!!
Well, let me quickly tell you what happened last night as it was a delicious evening as well. After a long day at work I met up with Leeto and his friends in the West Village. We had a gay ol' time, sitting outside of the Duplex drinking and cat calling at all the boys and laughing at all of the tragedey that comes a walking by on a Saturday evening. There was one great moment when a very brave and misguided soul walked by in a bad auburn wig that was slightly askew, dressed in a brightly colored red carpet no-no ensemble, who's only redeeming quality was the fact that it all was at least in the blue family. As he lumbered on by I happened to think of only one word, BRAVE. To have the bolas to walk in drag in New York is hard, but to do it in BAD drag is fearless. I turned and quickly told my evil queen posse, not to say a damn word! " That bitch threw rocks at the cops at Stonewall! She fought so we could sit outside right now to be catty and campy!" Well she was old, and tired, but damned if I'm gonna let some bitchy queens take our openness for granted. After that little moment of clarity the hooch took over and we set our eyes on the cute men that happen to be walking by, and HONEY!! I loves me some summer in New York. I also walked around and smoked some mota and was in bed by midnight, I am getting old. I gotta work in the morning, this next week is gonna be a another bear, I only have one day off this week, AGAIN!! Roommate went out tonight and I'm jealous, I would have gone as well, but I need to be fresh for manana. Night...df

I got, SteamHEAT!!!

I haven't been very good this week with writing everything down as I should be. I'm not gonna make any excuses, when I get home from being me sometimes it all I can do to just turn on the computer and check messages, let alone compose something witty and entertaining. I've had some crazy dreams this week, as well as some nightmares. Mostly the bad ones stemmed from the train bombing in London which sent me into post 9/11 anxiety, I didn't ride on the trains all day yesterday. I finally rode one today after work to the gym. Speaking of gym, I am having a difficult time approaching boys that I think are cute. Like today, I just came off the treadmill after running for two miles and this hot blonde haired, blue eyed, papi blanco was stretching. I was sorta out of breath so I didn't really notice him until I was folded like a pretzel and I happened to look over and he was in the same stretch as me. Now I thought, " Well here's another dancer working it out! Cool, cute too!" Only he seemed to be following everything that I was doing, I was really into my stretch and my music and come to find out I was having a stretch off to see who was more flexible. Um, I'm OLD! I was just using the "oil can" to get my weary joints from freezing up on me, and here is this curly haired Adonis trying to make me work harder. I played along for a while, naturally, until he started doing his splits and all that good stuff and I was over it by then, so I went and started on my shoulders. It was a good day at the gym, especially in the locker room. There were some shenanigans going on today! It must have been the rain and the cool weather that made these boys go crazy with each other. I walked into the steam room, the one with all the signs warning us that we will be thrown out for inappropriate behavior, it's also the one that they added TWO 100 watt bulbs that burn through your eyelids when you close them to relax. Let me give a quick disclaimer, I like to steam my body, my gym doesn't have whirlpool, so this is the next best thing. I also have no desire to lose my membership, this is NYC, it's hella expensive to find a suitable gym that can accommodate what the above average gay man needs. Anyhow, back to the ranch, the boys were not shy and had no trouble getting friendly with each other. I may not join in, but it sure is nice to watch sometimes!! I mean, I AM a gentlemen, far be it from to tell them to stop enjoying themselves!! Heehee...Aight folks there is your escandalo for the day, love DF..

P.S.
Want to send a shout out to my nigga Lencho, keep your head up homie.
I love you and I always gots your back!!!

Manhattan

So I live in the Lower East Side and my gym is in Midtown, on 54th Street. And I work in SoHo, which as you can see by the map, they are not very close to each other. I mean, I live close to my work, and I used to live close to my gym. I woke up early this morning with the cartoon birds chirping in my ear and so did Roommate. We wanted to go to the gym and so we got up and left the house by 8am, I had to be at work so I thought that I would get a great workout. I didn't get to the gym until 9am!! I was not in a good mood, I was mad that I would have to cut my workout short so as to still get ready for work. So anyhow, the workout went really well and I was all pumped about going to the store. It was totally chill and all my favorite people were working and it made the time pass faster, also I had a lot of catching up to do since I had been away. So after work I walked home and got caught up with some friends on the phone and just enjoyed my time in my neighborhood. Roommate is in Queens and I have the place all to myself, so I'm just catching up on some alone time. I got some upsetting news from my Tia, she told me that her longtime friend is really sick with complications from his addiction to crystal meth. He had open heart surgery and possibly had a small stroke as well as losing all his teeth from the drug decaying them away. I didn't really know him, but I've heard his name for so long that I felt as though he was part of our family. It made think and worry about my own friends who are out there "partying" and can handle it, I wish that could here this story and know that my Aunts' friend is not even 40. Sorry that this last part was such a downer, but I had it on my mind and I had to let it out. I gotta bounce, I'm gonna try and get to the gym in the morning. I also need to look into switching gyms, to maybe Crunch, like I'm not gay enough!! NIGHT...df

The 5th of July...

I finally got a chance to rest and hang out today. I had a full day with going to work and then the gym and hanging out the Clan on Tam's roof for the fireworks on the 4th. I spent the night at #3's and Colorado's place and #3 and I spent the day together. We got up late and had lunch in the Upper West Side and watched the movie, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I had bought the book on my flight back from Minneapolis and devoured it in two days. I was happy with the movie, even though there were changes galore on the movie version. Had a good day, being lazy. Came home and FINALLY got to see Roommate after not getting a chance to see him since I've been home. He told me this story if him battling a dragonfly when I was away, and we just laughed and caught up with each other. I've got a full week, I'm working to make up hours and I'm gonna try and hit the gym extra hard. I'm off to sleep...night df.

I'M HOME!!!

I am so exhausted from the rehearsals that I just endured. We worked almost everyday and I only got one day off, which consisted of me being a FG and getting drunk. I found myself reverting back to my old habits that I had towards the end of my last tour, which didn't make me so happy. I'm feeling a little bit off, it's gonna take me a while to get back to normal after the whirlwind that I just flew out of. Meeting up with some people that I haven't seen in years brought out the whole " Remember when!..." sickness, which I wasn't immune to. All we could do was look at each other and reminisce on younger, dumber, crazier times when we had no cares in the world. I'm glad I went, the show is gonna be good in Japan, I just couldn't wait to get home to my routine. I came in last night and hung out with #3, Colorado and Tam. Roommate is upstate with his SO and rarely spends a holiday with me, he'd rather go up into the wilderness with the people he doesn't belong to. I feel bloated, fat and my feet hurt from this trip. I'm gonna work manana, happy 4th to me. I'm jumping back on the gym wagon and not eating all this week to try and undo all the mess that I eat and drank last week. I can't write all my thoughts down this instant so I'll have to back track all this week. Until then I'm happy to announce that I spent today falling in love with New York again and she took me back in with open arms..Love you..df

Planes, trains and automobiles.....

I traveled to Minneapolis yesterday and I have to admit it was an experience. I had to take a cab to 34th st. and take a train to the Air Train and then took a plane to Minnesota. It was cool to meet up with a bunch of folks that I've worked with in the past or people that I've heard about that are really hard workers and talented. So let me give the run down of what was going on. We got here and then we went out to lunch, got pretty tipsy, bought some alcohol and then went to the pool. We also went out and bought some groceries and I spent $85 on food and such so being a "Fat Gurl" is a must with old Roommate. Today we had our first day of rehearsals, and Honey! Let me tell you that the show that I left over a year ago is different. I'm having to bite my lip and not say anything, seeing as how this is not my show anymore. I wanted to say so many things but I couldn't, I was a very good boy and just nodded and did the choreography. But let me tell you that my body has not been throught his before, the studio we were in was hotter than hell and there are only six people in the cast as of right now and we just rushed through the show. So now Tour Roommate and I had a great dinner and we popped open two bottles of wine and I'm feeling real good. We are just sitting around talking to each other and I'm feeling real good. I'll write more manana...love ya'll DF

Workaholic...

Telling you guys that I've been busy is an understatement. By tommorow I'm going to have worked 8 days in a row. I'm leaving for Minneapolis on Thursday morning and I'm not getting a day off until possibly after the 4th of July, which I have to work to make up the time that I'm losing for going to this rehearsal. I went and saw my friend Leeto in Broadway Bares on Sunday night and it was fantastic. I really want to write more right now, but I'm a tad exhausted and I know that I'll have a grip of time on in Minneapolis when I'm nursing my weary bones after a year from muppetry....night..df

CHANCLAS.....

Shit, thank the heavens that I've lost weight this summer, I don't think that I could stand another season with my legs rubbing together and me being slow and out of breath from all the stairs that one has to climb in this jungle gym we call NYC. I've been busy with work and going to the gym, I'm seeing some great results and I can't wait to get to Minneapolis for rehearsals so I can start to shed more pounds from a week of hardcore dancing. I'm being brave this week and I'm wearing more things with cut off sleeves and flip flops around town. Once the intial gross factor wore off about wearing chanclas, I fell in love with the way that they cool you down. I still haven't mastered running or climbing up stairs with them without losing one or having it fall off and land a few steps below in front of many strangers. I've learned to ask for my Prince Charming and call myself "Cinderella", much the dismay of my fellow strap hangers who probably just roll their eyes at the trendy gay man with dirty feet. A lot has happened and here are some thoughts and bullet points to get everyone caught up.

• Roommate and I have been working our butts of with this apartment. We've been painting and doing some home improvements all by ourselves. It's funny how we grew up with the most handy of fathers'. Roommates' Dad is a mechanic while mine has worked in everything having to do with manual labor or tools. Between the both of them they can fix anything. So it comes to no surprise to no one but ourselves that we ended up being handy as well. I guess I did learn something those times my father was screaming at me to hold the flashlight, or to hand him a certain tool. Fixing up this place with our own hands makes it that much better, I love walking into a clean bathroom that I helped paint and clean, as well as to practically gut, and feel accomplished.
• I'm nervous about going to back the "Street" and my old way of life. Especially since the guy who broke my heart when we toured together is going to be in charge of wardrobe, and his current partner which will end up being being his ex-partner after this current tour with be there as well. It's gonna be an interesting ride, I hope I remember to bring the Dramamine.
• I'm actually happy right now, I'm in a very good place and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me around the corner. I'm doing really well at work. I was nominated to go to an advanced skincare class and I passed my pre-test with flying colors. Watch out now!!
• I'm afraid to go to auditions. I never used to be and here I am in the theatre capital of the world and I can't get to the audition. I'm going to have to work on that one. I think I've put a lot of emphasis on my weight, and now with it almost gone I'm scared that my crutch is not going to be there. ^shrugs^

Well that's about it for now, I've got to be at work at 6am. I love ya'll! DF.

Umhmmmm.....

The past couple of days have been fun and interesting. Spent time with friends and hung out and had fun. I had a weird experience yesterday that I have to tell you about. I was at the train stop with Roommate after spending the afternoon with him, we had brunch and walked around and got to know our neighborhood. Anyhow, we were waiting for the train and I noticed this HOT guy out of the corner of my eye. Now let me tell you a little something about my type, have you ever seen the ads for A&F or American Eagle? Well yeah those boys are my fantasy type, the kind of guys that can make me write bad checks, the kind of guy that would make me learn how to cook and sew for him. So yeah, this guy had it all, blonde hair, tan, blue eyes ( I'm a sucker for BLUE EYES) and a cute skater boy style. So I'm standing there and I feel him looking at me, and I'm thinking that finally I'm getting my powers back with men. I form this hypothesis that maybe this guy is into me! I look over my shades at my roommate and we start to have a telepathic conversation over this guy, he looks at me and motions over with his eyes at him and I raise my eyebrow to let him know that I already saw him and am on the hunt. Basically telling him to back off. So I'm sending out all my Cheetah powers out there, casting spells left and right, trying to ensnare him with my charm and aloofness. I see him shuffling about and looking sort of shy and afraid to ask me something, I stand there striking a pose, so he comes over and asks me what my tattoo means. So I tell him the funny story and he introduces himself to me and tells me that it's nice. I'm flirting, being really funny and interesting and looking over at my roommate who seems impressed that my powers had returned. When all of sudden out of left field he hits me with this ginormous mallet!! He starts to talk about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I fight the urge to tell him that the only Jesus I know is my Tia Chuy and my cousin Jesus who lives in Los Angeles and my Tia who lives IN Guadalajara. He asks me about my views on life, etc. I start to zone out, there are trains whizzing past and I can't really hear what he's telling me. Something about Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains, and all I'm thinking about is how do I get him home and make my roommate leave us alone for a while. But of course a cute guy has to got to have some hang-ups, his just happened to be the King of Kings, and it wasn't Budweiser. The train finally came and he got on with us to keep on preaching the word, luckily we were only two stops away and we said our goodbyes and promised him to keep his words in our minds, and as we stepped off the train my roommate and I with our psychic link still intact reached for each others hands and held on like lovers full well knowing that he was watching from the train as we walked away hand and hand. Just like God intended us too, I'm sure that his mouth was on the floor and he might have shook his head in disbelief or disgust, who knows or who cares for that matter. He might have shrugged his shoulders and then started speaking to the scary black man standing next to him, telling him how he liked his hat and tricking him into a conversation about his savior. I still would've gave him head though, I mean I am going to hell, at least he thinks so, he told me. So why not go for a REAl good reason.
Goodnight all...love DF

I'm cool....I'm COOL...

Been busy, as usual, all week. We have cable and internet again, so life is getting even better in this apartment. We put up the A/C and took out the radiator to give us more space in the living room. I'm already tapped out with money, even after my Dad sent me some cash. I was able to get things that I needed, and honestly not having a decent grocery store in our area is really putting a strain on us for food and what not. I can't wait to get the rest of our items out of the boxes and set up. I swear that I had all this great inspirational shit that I had planned to write out, but right now I'm really just enjoying NYC, it's an experience walking around my new 'hood checking out the people and the styles that come with this territory. I had my roommate cut my hair to be like the cool kids, and I must say with all the weight that I've been losing I am now getting looks and glances at the gym and on the street. I had forgotten what that was like, funny. When I was in my prime I took my body and looks for granted, I knew that men looked at me and that I could basically walk into bar and hook up or get approached for my phone number. So when I gained all the weight I realized that I didn't have those powers anymore and I basically went into hibernation with my sexuality. I became that chubby, quick-witted, loud friend that makes the everyone laugh and drinks entirely too much. Now I am older and I hope that I've learned my lesson and start to open up and stop being the aloof one who just stands there and sips his drink with an arched eyebrow. Cheetah is awake and she's ready to roar and pounce, it's been YEARS since I've even dated anyone and I think that it's time I get myself back on the market. I'm tired and I have no idea what I'm talking about, I work late manana and I can't wait to sleep in...love DF

I am a GOLDEN GOD!!

DUDE!! The past two days have been crazy and HOT!! I had to work on Sunday, but it wasn't a regular work day. I had to come in at 8pm and work until 5am. We had inventory and it sucked!! I was so tired by the time I go there, I had went to brunch with #3 and got pretty hammered and then went Cd shopping and got to take a small nap and off to work I went. AND the night before I had gone out with Tam and #3 and Colorado to their place and watched Finding Neverland, it was a good movie and I can see why it was nominate. I was walking to the F train and I ran into Andrew Goetz of Malin+Goetz and to got to chat with him for a bit before heading down in the bowels of a steaming NYC. So back to today. I get home around 5 and it's hotter than all those years I spent in costume, because we haven't been able to set up our A/C do to these ghetto bars that cover our 6th floor windows! Who the hell is gonna break in our place anyhow? So I put on a small bathing suit and called it a night! So this man starts ringing my bell at 10am to let him in, he's here to remove the bars, what! I'm practically naked and sleep deprieved and all I can think is this place is a mess so clean up. I let him in and he proceeds to saw some bars off to make way for our A/C. I call up Roommate knowing that if he doesn't come home to make this guy do it his way, then I'll never hear the end of it. Roommate argues and gets his way, I don't get to sleep anymore and I take off to have lunch with Friend. Lunch was good, since it was hot as twat and we decided to go catch a movie. We watched Lord of Dogtown and it took us back to California and the boys we used to crush over in Junior High. I rushed home cuz the sky was black as tar and it was about to fall rain on our heads. It's scary to watch New Yorkers brace themselves for a downpour. It's like farm animals before a twister. As I'm getting off the train it falls agua and people are scared by it, I don't care and I start to walk home and my Dad calls to tell me that he wired some money and that I had to go pick it up. Yeah to grocery and spending cash. I get home and take a small nap and then Roommate and Boyfriend came home and we set up the A/C and the TV cuz manana we gets cable! This week is gonna be good I can feel it!! I'm currently watching Almost Famous and talking to my Tour Husband and catching up on old times. I also watched The Incredibles and I can't help to think about my life and dusting off my old costume and meeting up with old co-workers and fighting our own type of crime Which is why I'm watching Almost Famous, the scene on the tour bus when they are singing "Tiny Dancer" by Sir Elton, is by far my most favorite. Tour Husband and I had this experience on the bus with some 40 ounces and me telling her " I want to go home." And my amazing tour partner in crime, ala Pennylane told me " Fuck you bitch, your are home." And then she took a swig and I knew that I was and that we would always be friends. Miss you gurl, you'll always be MY elmo. Night everyone, I let the rain and the A/C sing me to sleep. DF

Good Morning

I've been up since 7am and I don't know why. I had wanted to go the gym, just didn't feel like making a treck to uptown then back down to Soho for work, so I'm just sitting here playing with the computer and gonna take down my laundry to this fluff and fold on Clinton that Hollywood told me about. Yesterday was not a good day, I couldn't sleep the night before I had this nightmare that a big Tsunami hit Japan while I was there and it woke me the hell up and I couldn't get back to bed. I called my aunt in California and we sat up talking until 2am my time. It was cool to catch up on all the family gossip. I had to be at work at 6am and I barely made it here and had me a Redbull and tried to be an effective employee but alas I was just there going through the motions. I also had to go to this Jonathan hair training from the star of Bravo's Blowout, a show which my roommate and I both loved to hate last year and I was very excited to possibly meet and pick his brain on some industry crap. AND of course I being who I am could not have a trying day get any better, I went to the wrong store and I sat at the training room for over 40 minutes for training that was happening up 15 blocks up and one block over! Anyhow a co-worker and I jumped in a cab and just made it in time hear him wrap up his presentation which honest to God I'm glad that I made it just for that, he isn't a good hawker but man can he be charming. I took a picture with him and I will upload it when I get it sent to me. What else? Oh yeah! My roommate from tour will be joining me in Japan, he will be playing a different part this time, but he will room with me again. I knew that casting just one more spell would work on my behalf. Oh right , back to yesterday, sorry for the digresstion. I went back to work and just couldn't function I wasn't all the there, I felt like I had partied all night and cracky was a good word for it. I had made plans to go to they gym after work but I had this horrible stomach cramp and I was getting really irate so I had to leave asap and get to bed. I came home and fell right to sleep but kept getting woken up by people or the lack of any real curtains in our new place, and me using blue painters tape to make my old blanket cover the window does not count. #3s' husband came over and he looked fetching in his diesel jeans and cute shirt, you would never know that he was from Colorado. So Colorado and I chatted a bit until #3 came by to just hang and we all agreed that this place is coming around, they also said that it was giving them inspiration to move to much larger space than where they are currently dwelling. Roommate bailed on us for dinner so it was just the three of us, as usual, for the evening. We went to this bad Mexican place on Rivington and they had bad margaritas and worse food and a mouse to boot that flew out at us at the end of our meal, probably to tell us that we had spent enough time there. We left that place and am NEVER eating there again! We we're walking down the block and I called up my friend Hollywood to come out and have a drink with me and so we stopped at the Rivington bar and sat a spell and it was a good mix of hipsters, straights and freaks. I will be going there again, one #3 and Colorado left Hollywood and Xtine and I went up the block, to this dive bar to shoot pool and drink a beer. We were horrible at pool! The cue sticks were all banged up and the people sitting along the edge of the table were mad when I would ask them to move so I could set up my shot. It was all in good fun and there was a juke box that reminded me of going to the Fun Factory in Jr. High with friends in the summer to spend the whole night there and listen to Bob Marley. After that I came home and was amazed that I had spent the whole evening on just one block, and I knew then that I love this area! I'm off to work now and we still have a lot more home improvements to do, so we hope to get those done tomorrow or Monday. Have a good day ya'll...df

Stealing the Web....

I can't write much, there is the possibility that I may get disconnected! I don't have my own cable hook up yet so I have to steal it, I feel very Anne Frank right now. I'm doing GREAT!! This place is really coming around and the neighborhood is totally chill. Work is work, I don't have a penny to my name and my phone got cut off, but Dad came to rescue. He was mad that I wasn't connected so he went and paid my cell phone bill for two months!! I LOVE my DAD! Anyhow I don't know how long I got, so I'll say night! I gotta be at work at 6am..love fina

Nuggins, Knobs and Cribbage...OH MY!!!

I had a great time this weekend, cleaning and painting. My new apartment is coming along pretty well. I'm out of money so my cell phone has been turned off until I can pay the bill, which will prolly be Friday. I don't mind it one bit, except that I'm trying to get my stuff together for Japan, so it might get a little difficult to finalize things. We also may have to wait a while for cable, seeing as we need to spend our money on things that we need, paint and new shelves or furniture. I've been spending time with #3 and husband, we had a marvelous time at the Central Park. We had a picnic and drank wine, I think I gained forty pounds! Husband tried to teach us Cribbage, for those of you that don't know what that is, it's this tacky British game that I did not want to learn. I was too distracted by the HOT boys that were playing Frisbee and throwing the football around. I'm going to upload photos later. The boys were out today! Another cool sidenote, I've been wearing #3's clothes because all my shit is boxed up and in the bedroom that we will hopefully get painted manana. So it's cool that I can fit into smaller clothes, which means I have to get new smaller clothes for summer. I am so happy and at peace right now and I have all my friends to thank for that....goodnight..df

All you need are a bunch of Mexicans!!!

I am tired!!! Carrying shit up six flights of stairs is not cute!! We hired some bootleg movers to help us and thank GOD! That our friends showed up to lend some support and their muscles!! After getting all of our stuff to the new place #3 gave us our housewarming presents, some much needed cleaning supplies, and Honey he put us all to work. He started with the bathroom and the rest of us started scrubbing off years of dirt and grime off of the floors, walls and the refrigerator! This apartment is gonna work, it's in a cute area and the view last night of the skyline was enough to take my breath away and to make me want a cigarette so I could enjoy the moment. We are off today to go and paint and finish moving in, thanks to all of you who gave support and prayers!!!
On a side note, I walked past my first boyfriend yesterday morning while I was walking to bank and I called out his name, he had grown out his hair and he was upset. But he didn't respond, I thought it wasn't him. I mean he is from the same small town in Southern California and he goes to med school in Philly, so why would he be in the city and not tell me? I called his cell phone and he didn't answer and he finally called me back and told me that it indeed was him and he was sorry but he didn't hear me and he was distressed, he was on his way to his ex-boyfriends funeral and he was on another planet. It was weird he said, he walked passed his first boyfriend to view last boyfriends body...Poor guy..freaky huh? I gotta go now kids...love fina

Moving on down, to the Lower East Side.....

I'm off to see our new PLACE!! I'll write more later...df

My life in boxes

It's still wet and unseasonably cold here in NYC. We now do not have any place to live and it's killing me and Roommate. I don't know where to forward my mail to or where I am going to wake up on Sunday morning. But we're doing pretty well considering my penchant for histrionics over the littlest thing. I'm just doing my work and letting God do the rest. I hung out Tam last night and we saw Revenge of the Sith, I'm not sure if I liked it or not, but I was happy to have closure on my youth. It was cool to have most of my questions answered and to also see the birth of Darth Vader and the twins. Our apartment is getting full of boxes and it's so fitting that every May for the past I don't know how many years, my life has changed during this month, I always have to move or run from something. So we have this apartment with all these little boxes laying around, this is who we are. Boys trying to become men who's lives fit into little containers that have no where to be put. It trips me out to think that when my father was my age I wasn't even a thought in his mind. I won't the age that he had me for about five years. What else have I forgotten? I'm going to JAPAN!!!!! I made the cut, and now I get to go overseas with a bunch of my friends and have the best summer vacation EVER! Well I'm off to sleep and hopefully conjure up some good luck. Night, df.

A lousy 88 bucks Papa.....

It is thundering outside right now. I am in the midst of a rainstorm and I think that I may have linked up with Mother Earth and am currently venting my emotions through her. I feel like a rainstorm inside right now. Cold, tumultuous and losing steam. I don't know what I am gonna do if we don't get the apartment. And what if we do? I don't have all the money, I lost a week and a pay period so now I don't have a much as I thought that I would. My Father told me that things would work out and that I could always come home if things got really bad. SHIT!!!
"All I need is a lousy 88 bucks Papa". A line from Gypsy. That's how I feel right now, I would be cool if I had another pay period to go, but alas I don't. I am short $700. I would have all the money to move but I had to pay some bills. Lord I need a miracle.
It rains in the subways here, it really does. It also snows. I am fighting the urge to go out and get ripped and puke on my shoes. Roommate started packing tonight and it sent me to a really weird place. Work was work and I am TIRED. I went out last night after being awake since the wee hours of the morning and drank a little with #3 and husband. I missed him and he always knows what to say to calm me down. I've got to work in the morning and hopefully I'll wake up in time to go the gym....night df

Even Cowgirls get the blues....

I had a good day. I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I called friends from all over the U.S. trying to get someone to talk to me. I had no luck until I called my old roommate from my second tour "Big Red" . We ended talking for an hour and it was so cool to catch up and laugh about the same things, she is currently going through same shit that I'm going through, and we swapped war stories about crazy apartments and scary Supers that we have met. BR is going to be on the Japan tour of the show that I may or not be on in August. I hope that we get to room together again, she is a "Fat Gurl" just like me, we both don't sleep and we like to watch scary movies and eat at all hours of the night.
This morning I woke up REAL late, I slept through all of my alarms for the gym and ended up rushing to get up and get to work, took a cab and was twenty minutes late. I had picked up a cup of coffee and a breakfast sandwich and I preceded to be thirty minutes late to finish my breakfast. Tam had no problem with me doing that, it was way slow and he just wanted to chill and talk. I also broke my left ear bud to my ipod "esmeralda" and I am pissed about having to pay another $40 to get them replaced.
GREAT news, I don't want to jinx it, but Roommate and I have two GREAT leads on some gnarly apartments in our same neighborhood and the Lower East Side. I hope that we get at least one of them! ( I sort of want to stay in our current area). I worked and then rushed to hang out with the gang, we had dinner and drinks and I am really buzzed and feeling groovy. The place that we ate at was Cowgirls in the West Village, Margarita anyone? Roommate gave me to do list for manana and my head hurts from reading peoples responses to a Osos' blog that I posted a response too. It was a very controversial topic about homosexuality and gay marriage, muy DRAMATICO!!!. But what do you expect with a bunch of crazy brown people and the one who love them. Roommates' boyfriend is here and he's being hella cool, we got a date to go to the batting cages this weekend and I can't wait. I'm off to sleep like my Dad did when he was drunk and I had to take off his botas, like a baby. Night my chilren'...df

Countdown...

We are running out of time. I just went and viewed a PERFECT apartment, the thing is (gay exhale) there are a ton of brokers' fees!!! What the fuck is that all about! You have to be totally freaking be rich just to move a few blocks away. At this rate the only place that I can afford to move to will be back to San Diego. It is disheartening knowing that if someone gave you the chance you would be the best tenant in the world. I also blame my current wage, if I wasn't so poorly paid, I would be able to move with no problem. I have to have faith in that everything will work out, I don't want to have anxiety attacks or shut down like my roommate. I'll write more later...love df

It's SHOWTIME at the Apollo!!

I was awakened by Friend telling me that I was his back up date for Alvin Ailey 2 tonight. The guy he had asked never RSVP'd and I was fit to fill his shoes. I told him that I would go only if work let me go, and they did. We got to the Apollo early and wouldn't you know it, it's small. On television it seems SO big, but tonight not so much. We had some crazy drink called Zombie and it fucked us up royally. So much so we had two! The performances were cool, except that towards the end I started to doze in and out and I couldn't wait for it to be over. After the show we went to #3's and husbands house, sat a spell and then had a late dinner at some dive cafe on 55th and 7th. The food was crappy and Friend went home, after we had been bitchy to each other cuz we was drunk. The food has made me sick, and on the walk home I could feel that the turkey burger I had was gonna come out of my body tonight, it was just deciding what orifice it was gonna jump outta. I came home and Roommate went to Queens, thank GOD! Not because I didn't want him here, but I had an accident trying to get to the bathroom, and let's just say my brand new Burberry chonies were ruined. I had to go and get the white briefs, had to go and try and be cute. I should've known better, but I wanted to make a statement, now I know how girls feel during that time of the month and are afraid to rock their cute undies. I'm off to bed with an upset stomach, I think that there will be no gym tomorrow. Night...df

Friday the 13th...

The weather has been great the past couple of days. I've enjoyed walking around the city and looking at the buildings that I normally shuffle past. We are still not having any luck with the apartment hunt and it's really wearing my Roommate down. He's unhappy and needy and introverted and that's not a good thing. His boyfriend is here today and of course he's making him as miserable as he is, I normally don't care, it's just that they both are here with me. I'm here the in the room pretending to be Anne Frank as they both whisper and look at a fashion magazines together. I was asked today why I didn't have a boyfriend, and all I could say was that I don't need one right now. AND I don't, see the thing is, it's spring and I can't help but look around and see all the love around me. Yesterday I was walking to the train and I saw this girl waiting on the corner looking almost incomplete, like she was missing something about her, I couldn't place it. She was wearing both shoes, her clothes were correct. She had accessories and the like, she just didn't seem right. I noticed a hot man across the street and was watching him watch the unsuspecting lady, he started to smile, she then looked up and came to life. The gentleman was her missing segment that made her happy and complete. I was sickened to death and became what the kids here on the east coast call a "Hater". We are all now in the bedroom and it's chill, I lit the Kabalah candle for Happiness and we are one big stupid family. Like a bunch of cats in a cave looking at each other and not making a sound. Just the sounds of a keyboard and pages turning.
Quick thoughts that I've had throughout the week that always seem to slip my mind.

• When did I start to carry change in my pocket that I keep for days at a time and don't spend? My father always had change, and he would use it for that. I couldn't keep change at all. It always went to something. Snacks, video games, gas etc.
• I was at the gym and the movie Showgirls was on. I was working on some machine with the music really loud on my ipod and I noticed that all the bois had stopped working out and were looking up and it turned out to be the audition scene and somehow I knew that inside everyone's head I could here them counting the music and doing the choreography, that they already knew...as do I.
• I love the new Mariah Carey album. It's vintage Ms. Carey and finally someone has her singing again!! I love it....Mimi!

Well that's it for tonight, I hope to write more later...it's the weekend and I want to have some fun. Goodnight...df

Oprah makes you cry.....

I've been really busy since Saturday and I can't even begin to write down everything that is going on in my life right now. I'll give some quick bullet points.

• Still looking for a new apartment with Roommate and it's coming down to the wire and I'm getting a little scart. I hope that we can find something soon, I'm tired of searching. I also hope that when we find a place, that I can find a way to come up with some money to put down on the new place.
• WORK!!! I'm so tired of working and working so hard not having anything to show for it. I need to possibly start looking for new employment. I feel that what I have to offer a potential employer is worth a whole shit load more than what I'm currently getting.
• I can fit into my size 33 jeans that I haven't been able to fit into since my first tour. I can't believe it, I almost cried when I could button the pants and walk around without any complications. It totally inspired me to work even harder and hit the gym more, I want to wear cute outfits this summer. And I will.
• I read two books last week. One was Dry by Augusten Burroughs, it was fantastic. I swept through that book and I couldn't put it down. It was about him getting over alcoholism and more importantly it was all true and he's based outta New York City. I also read Light Before Day by Christopher Rice. I didn't really like it that much, it was predictable and too out there for me. I can't tell you about it, because it's a murder mystery.
• And finally! Oprah makes you cry when you watch her show. Her show today was about making peoples' wildest dreams come true. The first half was about amazing high school seniors that have overcome obstacles to graduate. There was boy with no legs that was walking again, and then twins who's family couldn't afford tuition for them so they were gonna sell the house. But of course Oprah gets them all money and full tuition so they can live their dreams. I was a fucking mess, I thought that my heart was all dried up and made of stone, but Oprah melted it....thanks Oprah.

So now I got friends from tour that I haven't seen in forever coming over and I gotta get cute. I'll write more later..love Fina.

I'm tired.....

Been a real tough week, work has been hard. People have been calling out sick and I'm just a little run down. I've worked out and that is helping and had some good dinners with friends. I want to write more but I'm falling asleep as I type...more later..df

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down....

Well, it is Monday! Start of a new week and new adventures and experiences. I had a busy and fun weekend. #3 is back and I'm so happy to have him back, his wisdom was sorely missed by all. I hung out with the "crew" on Saturday sans Roommate. We went out to Pop Burger to toast #3's arrival back from abroad and also to give me my first drink in a month. I had one drink all night and I was okay with it. We also went out to dance at Spirit for some Dj's birthday and the music was sort of busted and the crowd was weird. After being out of the loop of gaydom's party scene, and being an observer and not a partaker, it was a sad, sad sight. Tam and I left everyone around 3am and scurried home 'cuz we had to be at work early on Sunday. Today I had a big to do list. I woke up, cleaned and went uptown to look at some potential apartments. They were nice, I just think for as far uptown and for the price we can get something in Astoria. Just finished having dinner with the Jose's and #3s' husband. It was quaint after work drinks and food at the Mexican joint across from us. I finally got to vent and #3 gave me some good feedback about my store and what I should be thinking about for my future. So we shall see what transpires from this. I'm home now and Roommate is asleep and I'm groggy from the two margaritas that I had....I've got another day off tomorrow and I'm don't have anything planned, except of course the gym..goodnight..df