He was ordered just for me..

Have you ever met someone and they made you take a quick inhale? There is this photographer that I've been working with and up until last night I hadn't had the pleasure in meeting him. His phone voice to me sounded like he was older, so when he walked in last night to touchbase and give me some pictures that he had been trying to drop off for over a week, I took a gay inhale. He was perfect, like someone had ordered him just for me. He was a little bit shorter than me, had beautiful skin and teeth and the greenest eyes that I've ever seen. His hair was buzzed short with a contagious smile,and was around my age. I was so happy that he had stopped by at the end of the day, there was no one there and I was free to flirt and be charming. He stayed for a minute and when he left I was surprised that I had maintained my composure. I swear that I fell in love right then and there, he was smart, creative and cute. I saw us walking around Rockfeller Center during the holidays and the thought made me smile. I haven't been this enamored with a person in ages. I gushed with my coworkers and as I was walking to the train I saw him outside and I waved and kept on walking, afraid of making a fool of my self and bothering him since he was on his phone. When I got home and told this story to my roommate he told me I should have asked him out for a cup of coffee and kept the conversation going, but since I've been out of the dating loop for a while he said that I would need to practice. So to my surprise there was this sweet email this morning from him telling me that he was happy to finally meet me face to face and he was looking forward to working with me in the near future. I'm taking that email as a good omen, I even wrote him back a quick email being flirty but not too flirty telling him that I was glad that we had met as well. I want this one! Someone out there better cast a love spell for me, it's been too long since I've had boyfriend. We'll see....night. DF

This past week...

DUDE!! I've been either too lazy or tired to write what the hell has been going on in my life. Every time that I get on the computer and begin to blog I suddenly get writers block and can't. So here it is Black Friday and I have the day off so I'm going to do my famous bullet points to catch everyone and myself up.

• Harry Potter: "Potter Stinks!" I got a chance to watch this movie last Friday with a bunch of my gay friends and I gotta say I was a bit disappointed with the movie. I'm a HUGE Potter fan, thanks to Chris, and I even spent the prior week re-reading all the books so I could have all the Potter trivia in my head. I even went on The Sorting Hat and found out that if I had been gone to Hogwarts I would have been placed in the Griffindor house. So I went knowing that there were going to be changes for the movie, but there were SO many changes that I can't even mention. Visually it was great and the acting has gotten better from the kids, as well some of the boys turning into young men and getting HOT! All I've got say is Harry in the tub!! Boy, you better call me in three years!! So now I can't wait for last novel and the fifth movie.
• Old Friends: I had an old friend that flew in from Michigan to have Thanksgiving with me, she flew on Wednesday which I had off and I spent the day with her walking around and being a tourist.
  
• RENT: The movie, I saw it on Wednesday night with 8 other gay boys who have been waiting for a long time to see this movie. I love this show, I've seen it 23 times! I was in High School when this show opened and my friend Angel and I couldn't get enough of this show, we learned all the words and bought all the magazines that had anything to do with RENT. And when the show opened at the La Jolla Playhouse in '97, Angel and I were there first! We would spend the night outside and buy the $20 tickets for the front benches which is the only way to see the show! He and I saw it 17 times that year, the cast got to know us and so did the house managers. I've also auditioned for the show a few times and received some call backs and all that good stuff so this show is very close to my heart. So I was AGAIN disappointed when the show opened with the songs in the wrong order and then some of the lines that were sung in the show became dialogue. It was filmed in San Francisco and most of the time you could tell that it was, but it was cool to see the neighborhood that I run around in on screen. I'll spare you the full on review and just say that I was happy the movie was finally made, I just wish that it would have stuck closer to the show. I missed some of the songs, but I enjoyed some of the choices that were made.
• Giving Thanks!: I had Thanksgiving dinner with my friend from out of town and her friend and it was very nice. A gourmet dinner, it cost a pretty penny but someone else picked up the tab so I was more thankful for that! I came home and then rushed over to hang out with Hollywood at her place since Roommate was upstate yet again for another major holiday. At Hollywood's place they had made a traditional dinner and I got here in time for dessert. Hung out and got really drunk and came home and passed out. Last night was so much better than last year when I bought a pie and watched the parade on television by myself, I cried a little. So this year I give thanks to my new and old friendships as well as my new job and feeling groovy.

It's cold right now and I'm just chilling with my Roommate watching videos. I'm meeting up with Nanalene in a few to have a bite and say goodbye since she leaves back to Michigan in the morning. Not much more to write about...DF.

The Madonna....

Living in New York is like having Madonna as a Fairy Godmother that every once and a while shows up and bestows all the faggots across the land with lavish gifts and fierce beats. Today is the official release of her new album Confessions on a Dance Floor. I've been lucky enough to have had the pleasure of listening to the entire album on a loop for two weeks thanks to the Gay Mafia at work. They somehow nabbed an advanced copy and have subjected us to "The Madonna" as one my of coworker calls her, over and over again. I was also surprised when said Mafioso gave me a copy of the bootleg on the condition that I go out and get a "real" copy later on.
"Jose, do like The Madonna?", Mafioso asked me with his real British accent that sounds almost fake but is real as I was cropping pictures for some model, while her newest single "Hung Up" played for the tenth time that day.
"You mean this? Her?" I pointed up, confused and wary because he never talks directly to me. And when he does have something to say he very cunty about it so I proceeded with caution.
"YES, you silly boy. You like it? I think it's fierce and I can't wait to get the real copy. What do you think of it, this new album?"
"I like it, the beats are simple yet intricate and the songs tend to have lyrics from old songs that she has had in the past. I think I like also because it's...what's the word? Familiar, yeah. That's it." I held my breath and waited for his verbal aria against what I had just said.
He then looked at me like he finally realized that I was person with an opinion and not some kid that he yells at to do favors for him.
"Hmmm, do want me to have the art department burn you a copy? I can do that you know, I'll have them burn you a copy..... on one condition."
"What's that?" I asked sheepishly afraid that I was going to have to do something embarrassing in front of the whole staff.
"I'll give you a copy for your listening pleasure, but you have to promise to go out and buy a real copy so you can have the liner notes for your homosexual collection." All this was said with his fey British accent that reminds me My Fair Lady, only gayer.
"I promise!" I breathlessly whispered with an my own gay version of his accent that surprised me.
He went off in a rampage to get the art department to make me a copy and then later gave me the CD in front of the Gay Mafia as they all approved and made me promise once again that I would indeed go out and get a copy. I've since been loving this album, it hasn't stopped playing on my Ipod. Madonna made this CD so that all the songs flow into one another like one continuous song that never stalls or breaks. I especially love the video for her first single and one track called "I love New York" which she sings about her city that she left behind before she gave up her Queendom to become Euro-trash.
Even though this is the kind of CD that my friends and I would have played while we were coming down off of ecstasy, it's still great music to play on the subway while inside your head your life is a video on Mtv.
"Time goes by, so slowly....Time goes by, so slowly...... I do love the Madonna!"
DF.

And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?

I've had a full weekend! I met up with Tam, #3 and Dad for dinner and drinks on Friday after work. We decided to try out a new place so we went to Tortilla Flats in the West Village. The food was good and the company was great, it's was a little loud and it was full of breeders! We were the only gay people there and it was totally apparent, we were more than happy to pay the bill. After that I rushed home to clean up a little bit before Roommate came home on Saturday.
It was nice to see him again, it was also nice because he is totally relaxed after being in the mother land and going home. I got up and ran to work at my old job where I agreed to work for half a day once a month to keep my discount. I was on fire, being there and knowing that I would get to leave in a few hours made the day pass by so quickly and I spent the entire time with smile on my face. I forgotten how much fun it was to play with all the products that the store carries.
After working I met up with #3 and Dad to go catch a movie with Dad's other friend Pelon, who is a riot and fun to be with. We watched Pride and Prejudice, a movie adapted from Jane Austen's novel of the same name. People let me tell you that this movie requires you to have a box of tissues with you because it is a love story and totally sappy! There were so many little lines that I fell in love with and wish and hope that one day a man will tell me the same things. One of the line was at the end of the film and it was said by Mr.Darcy to Elizabeth whom had just agreed to his proposal, " And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?". He said this only after she asked him what he was going to call her when was completely in love and devoted to her, and he said Mrs. Darcy. Pass me those tissues please! #3 and I were a complete mess and walked out with puffy eyes. Afterwards we walked all over creation to have great Chinese food, I was in bed before midnight and was asleep until Roommates befriend stumbled in at 2am drunk of his skinny ass waking me up, he's lucky I don't sleep with a knife under my bed like my Grandma does or he would've been sliced!
Slept in today and ran over to have a good brunch with #3 and Dad, walked around a bit and went and caught another film with Tam. This time it was another book that was adapted to a film, Jarhead. I don't know about Tam, but this film was pretty intense. I honestly went to go see it because my husband Jake Gyllenhaal is in it, not to mention a bunch of other HOT men that walk around naked almost the whole movie. But I also got a some insight on the first war in Iraq, I didn't remember all that they covered because I was a kid when that shit went down. I was in 7th grade and all I can remember is the television coverage. Jake was great in the movie, was nice to see him show some emotion, as well as Jamie Foxx. I don't know what else to write, was home by 7 and just decompressed and watched some television. All in all, it was a chill weekend. Roommate is in Queens and I got the place to myself, can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to come on in a few. Goodnite...df

Making the Band

My Roommate and I love this show! It's on MTV on Thursday nights at 10pm. I love eating junk food and watching Diddy let these poor girls have it!! The last couple of episodes it's been all about dancing and him sending the worst dancers home. Well today when Dominique felt like she was going to be sent home, Diddy had them sing solo. Well HUNY! Miss Dominique opened up her mouf and sang "How did you get Here" made famous by Debra Cox, and she bared her soul! She sang like her children needed an operation and she had to make the money on the corner! I just sat here and I started to cry, I felt like she took me to church! I felt the spirit, and so did Puffy. He made her stand by herself and she basically received immunity from being sent home. I can't wait for the real band to be selected.
My dad wants me to look into flights to Mexico for Xmas, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm off to bed, I can't wait for my Roommate to come home, this place is a mess! By his standards at least.
Night..df

Barely there

Woke up this morning feeling really good, skipped to work and just handled everything as best as possible. Today went by SO slow, I wanted to leave in the middle of the day because there really wasn't much to do. I kept myself busy with little projects but I would finish those and then have nothing to do, I can't wait til Manny gets back tomorrow morning. Came home and put my pajamas on and made pasta and watched television. Bored, so I guess I'll give you guys another heart wrenching poem that I thought was SO deep back then, but now it's just pathetic. So here we go!

Drink You Away written March 7, 2003

i want to drink you
away.
poison the memories
and pain.
wash away your smiles
and caring words.
drown your beautiful
eyes in a pool of
indifference and liquor.
tequila seizures
vacillate me from sobs to
laughter.
as my Mexican roots take
hold...and shake me
with their hairy fingers.
growing ever stronger
grasping at the weeds
of your love and
constricting my heart
from feeling...I am numb.
waning eyelids blur you
from my vision.
slurred words hide my
hurt.
an empty glass is
my enemy..
a drop of water is
not to be had..
in the end i
stagger to sleep..
on a bed..on the floor..
a park bench
makes no difference.
my comfort for slumber
is smoky clothes
and hair..stale breath..
acidic belch.
the only sure thing
i can count on
is the head and
stomach ache when
i wake..
i want to drink you away.

DUDE!!! What the fuck!! I can't believe I wrote that shit! That one goes out to all my people who have ever just wanted people to leave them the fuck alone while the tied one on and cried in their beers and played that same song over and over. I, for one, would grab my bottle of Tequila and wrap myself in my Mexican flag, put on some Selena or Vincente Fernandez and just cry it out. I would light my Virgin Mary candle, and my roommate would just leave me alone. He knew that I was going to be Mexican and do some soul searching. You can blame me Dad for this trait, I learned it from him. And it always works.
Love ya'll.... goodnight...df.

Gay Sex in the 70's

After spending all day cleaning I got ready and met up with the gang at Spice on 5th Ave below 14th. We caught a showing of a documentary on gay life back in the day called Gay Sex in the 70s
It was an interesting film that took you through the history of the whole gay New York saga and it really was an eye opener for us, especially Dad, who is a fagling, having only been out for a little under a two years. I sure am glad that all the old queens that I worked with at International Male and in theatre shows brought me up right on everything queer, they gave books, movies and I had to practically give them book reports and term papers. They made sure that I knew where my people came from, it makes you that much stronger and aware.
So we had dessert and I came home and drank a few beers, watched that last three minutes of "....Housewives", I don't know what it was about, but Ms. Terri Hatcher was giving you a performance! She was trying to keep her man from leaving her and she was in a wedding dress, she ran into the street and practically jumped on top of the jeep just to keep her man to stay!! GURL!! FIGHT!! Hold on to your MAN! I thought that she was Latina running after her cholo. I could have sworn I heard her yelling "PUPPET! Don't go eh!, Pendejo, stay with me! PUPPPPPET!!!" I swear to God I was crying and couldn't hold back the tears, I have been there and I poured some of my Corona out for her, into my mouth.
I've got a cute buzz going on and I'm just trying to write a little something since I've been a loser and can't keep up. I got some calls today from people back on tour, with the show that I left. They are getting ready to go to Holland in December and it has some people that I would have loved to had worked with again, but I can't have everything can I?
I was going to post a another tacky poem but I can't right now, I'm trying to finish the fourth Harry Potter book before the movie opens, so I must bid ya'll goodnight. DF

Easy like Sunday Morning..

I'm currently writing this with tears in my eyes as I wait for the bleach and cleaning fumes to get the hell out of my apartment. I just finished cleaning my bathroom and am taking a break before getting ready to head on out to see my friends. I've had a boring week since I last wrote, except to say that Roommate is in Mexico and I'm all alone in this place, it's weird cuz I haven't been this alone for quite sometime.
Some people came over on Friday and brought beer and snacks and HG stayed over and we read our poetry and journals to each other well into the morning. I pulled out some dusty journals from the road and some bad poems about a certain someone who ripped my heart out and it just got me thinking to put some of them up here, so without further ado, some bad poetry about love lost and never regained....

Wonder written on March 7, 2003

It makes me wonder,
if I am ever to find
companionship......
again I feel lost and
abandoned
You were holding my
hand
one of the few whom
I let get close
I stopped to smell
your essence
Instead I got drunk
on your soul
When I opened my eyes,
your hand was gone
As well as my heart
You walked away
Your gait always faster,
longer than mine
Hoping that you would
come back to me
Like you did so many
times before
You never looked
back...
Afraid? No one
knows
A pillar of salt?
Maybe, perhaps not
Afraid of what would
be there....
Just me...a sea of
salty tears.....
An empty hand and
faded memories of stolen
moments that you took with
you forever
It makes me wonder..


When I write stuff down I never go and edit or rewrite it, I'm big believer in stream of consciousness. Reading all these sad things helps me keep my life in perspective, it helps me not want to ever feel like did back in those days. I was a very sad and self-destructive person. Those of you guys who were with me during those times remember the ugliness that was this person and me. The great thing is that we've become better friends since then and talk constantly. I'm loving having a chill day, love you guys...df

So a nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar....

So last night reminded me of this joke.
"A nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar!"
Well, that was spot on description of me and my friends last night, running from party to party. It took us three hours to get Miss Kuddles Karano ready for the ball, but we got it going. All in all it was a great night, I was SO tired and a little under the weather but we made it happen. My outfit was a last minute thrown together creation and I had some funny reactions. I had some people want to take me home and more often than not some really cracked out people wanted to confess their sins to me, it was a strange night all around. We went on the subway at one point when the traffic was too much, also trying to fix #3 corset on the subway with people watching on the train. We went to three parties and were on the VIP list for all of them, which was great when you got boys with heels and wigs, luckily the Great Pumpkin blessed us with some warm weather. The night ended with me leaving Kuddles with her friends as I walked down Ave. C and passed person after person that just waved at Blanca the Nun.
Friends I'm sick in bed right now, I left work early, I think that the Syrup smell from earlier in the week got me sick. I want to send a shout out to Katie from work who reads this blog while she is bored. Love you honey!! I'm off to bed, you gotta love Nyquil. Df.

HAPPY HALLUJUWEEN MUTHUFUCKA!!!

Tonight is Halloween, it's a Holigay. Other than Gay Pride, this is my
people's other holiday. I had a jam packed weekend that I don't have time to
get into here, but I will tell you the funniest thing that happened to me. I
was filling in for someone on this modeling and acting panel, you know where
smaller agencies send their talent to possibly be picked up by a larger
agency. It was on Saturday and it was only for a couple of hours and it paid
me $150, I was all over it since it was quick money. I felt like an
imposter, not to long ago I was at the same kind of auditions trying to make
it. I was at the very end of the panel and I was sort of upset that I had
spent a lot of time picking out the right outfit that said "I can make all
your dreams come true!" but I also wanted it to say "You should have worked
harder!". I wore all black and a big black scarf and my glasses and my hair
was tussled in that I'm artistic and gay but I didn't spend to much time on
my hair, but I really did. Everyone else walked in looking like they were
asking for change on the subway and I could feel their bitchiness, I kept
quiet the whole time. These were some bad auditioners, bad monologues and
very green. I felt sad for them so I started to leave almost everyone
detailed notes on there pacing and beats, line readings and energy. I kept
thinking that I would have liked to have had this feedback when I was
struggling so I was scribbling away when I noticed a name on my sheet that
brought some bad feelings for it, but I couldn't remember why, then HE
walked in. There was a friend of my Roommates who's own roommate a
struggling performer whom I met over last summer. I thought he was a cute
Jake Gylennhaal doppelganger, only his was blonde and over six feet. But he
had those same blue sleepy eyes and crooked smile that I instantly wanted,
so whatever Lolo wants, Lolo gets. We had met at this gay bar and he, of
course, had no money and for some reason at the time I did, so I got him
drunk. We made out the whole night and when it was over we promised to call
and see each other again. Well the next day he called ME! We replayed the
previous night together and made plans to see a movie and grab a bite, well
I got dressed in my cutest outfit and waited, and waited, and waited. He
never called or returned my messages or phone calls, I think me redialing
over and over again might have scared him, you think? I was pissed because I
had spent a lot of money on his ass and didn't get any of it, so I let it
go. I saw him again a couple of months later and he tried to say that he was
sorry about that night and if he could call me again, I said okay knowing
that he wouldn't and he didn't, end of story..right? So I'm writing down
some notes and looking down at my paper and I hear this voice that I
instantly connect with the name that I was angry at, enter this dopey
looking kid that looked like the hot guy that I had met in my haze at the
bar, but it wasn't, it couldn't, could it? SHIT! Here he was in broad
daylight, not bar light, and he was less than breathtaking, a lot less, more
like a burp, or a hiccup. This was the guy that threw me for tailspin for a
couple of weeks? He walks in and introduces himself and recognizes me and
stops short, I wave and smile and thank the Gods for karma. I settle in for
what I know will be a shitty monologue and I am rewarded with a long drawn
piece of shit that I couldn't help but smile when he was done. I think he
thought that I was impressed, I was,but not with him. I was impressed with
the cosmos, and what sense of humor it has. This kind of shit only happens
in the movies, most of my friends stated, the movies and me.
I LOVE NY!! I'm off tonight to a bunch of parties, I can't wait, it's gonna
be FUN!! I'll have picks by manana. Love you guys..DF.

The Windy City..

If this blog had been a plant or a pet it would have died along time ago, so if you would please my patient and loyal readers, do this blog a favor and clap! Clap and bring it back to life, for you see, this blog is written by a fairy, therefore it is a fairy. Repeat after me, "I do believe in Fairies, I do! I do!" Aaaah, there, all better. And on with the show.
I was in Chicago over the weekend to see one of my best friends in the whole world get married. Hee Hee was the first person that I met when I moved to Chicago back in '01. I was working at tacky beauty store and I was made to sell useless paraffin wax dippers for people to use in their homes. I was stationed by the hair salon with a table and the unit, and I was supposed to make these people think that I was expert at what I was selling. This was the only job that I could at that time so I pretended that I was playing a role in a play and this was acting. So I read the directions in 10 minutes and off I went, at first reading the directions verbatim and dipping peoples hands into the hot and aromatic rose, lavender or raspberry scented paraffin. It was very therapeutic and I noticed that people loved that I was also massaging their hands. Also at that time I was a hot little number, I was thin and looked like a million bucks. A tall Latin boy from California in the middle of a Chicago winter was like seeing a Monarch butterfly in the snow. I was well groomed and did not belong in January in the Midwest, so I used displacement to my advantage. I was great at improve and started making up shit that sounded good!
" With the magic of the non-stick heat ring you not only melt the wax but you also release the aroma therapy benefits of the fragrant oils that are trapped inside, do you smell that?"
I would then grab her hand and gently bring her towards the melted candle and brush my hand towards her nose, fanning the ersatz aroma therapy towards her nose.
"I think, I think I do feel calmer?!" The middle-aged mother with the white sweatshirt and the puff-painted red nosed reindeer would look at me. I in turn would flash her my west coast smile that was movie star all the way, one of the many smiles that I posses in my arsenal of looks and glances. She was caught off guard by my dimples and the way I playfully rubbed her other arm and told her, " In Hollywood all the celebrities keep their hands soft and beautiful using a unit just like this one, it would also help you too. It would help take off dead skin cells and make your hands look younger, also making your hands appear as if you've never done a honest day of work in your whole life! You can kiss dish pan hands goodbye!" I would then throw my head back and laugh a little wicked laugh, like I was letting her in a movie star secret, ringing up the box I would walk her over and tell her that if she had any problems with it she could always bring it back, no questions asked. I sold over 15 in a matter of a days. I later found out that they had ordered a lot of these machines but couldn't sell them, so they had sat in the stockroom for more than a month until I came along, it was sort of my test. To see what this pretty boy was made of, I proved my self to all of them. Enter my friend Hee Hee, I noticed this cute lady walk in and stand at the edge of the crowd that would gather as I would melt unscented wax and then use our own essential oils that the store carried to mix and customize my own aroma therapy. This was actually out of necessity than imagination, we had run out of the scented wax and they wouldn't let me open any more of it for the demos, so I started using the other oils that also weren't selling and also started upselling. She walked up and wanted her hand massaged, I wasn't going to give her the sermon because I had learned that some people just wanted me to touch them and not want to buy this contraption. I started by lightly massaging her hand in silence and then went to dip her hand in the melted wax.
" You're not gonna give me your speech?" She asked a little bit disappointed.
" I thought that you've already heard it a couple of times, so I thought that you just wanted your hand touched." I was a little wary of her by now.
" No, I like when you smile, where are you from anyway? You have an accent."
"An accent?" I cocked my head to one side and continued prepping her for the dip. She touched upon a very sensitive thing that not many people know about, my voice. I've always been very aware that I had a higher voice than most men, always teased growing up about how fast I talk. You see my first language was Spanish and in my culture we speak very fast, but I had to go to speech therapy for years and I worked very hard to get rid of my stutter and accent that most kids from the area that I grew up in had. To me it showed no education and lack of sophistication to point to a chair and sound like you were saying "Pleeze, seet in dee share" I hated that I had to tell the teacher the difference between that chair and share. I sit in the chair and I share the chair. Very hard to manage when you are in the second grade and scared of adults.
"You don't sound like you're from around here." She had noticed that I was thrown off by her question.
"Like where? Like what country?" All I was thinking was that here I am in Chicago and I'm rubbing on some bigot that was probably about to tell me to go back where I came from. I had to quickly think about what how would I handle the situation, would I be composed and educate her? Or would I yell and talk shit, or my personal favorite, throw the wax on her head and walk out into the snow and cause a huge scene and telling the store to shove this job up their asses.
" No silly, what state." Her turn to laugh, " You don't have a Midwestern accent."
"OH! I'm from California, from San Diego born and raised." I blushed a little.
" What are you doing here?" I went on to tell her that I ran away from home to try and make in Chicago and that I eventually want to move to New York, but thought that this was far enough away from home but close enough to New York to make on my own. I found that we instantly bonded and I could tell her anything. She stood at my stand for another 40 minutes and I ignored all the rest of customers so we could get to know each other.
" You're gay right?" Great, here it comes! We were just hitting it off and now I've to try and come up with another scenario to make a statement, if she is a homophobe how can I let her know not to fuck with a queen from the westside? By being honest.
" Yes I am." And I smiled at her the most sincere smile that I could muster without looking like I was in a showchoir or pissed of at her.
"GOOD! Are you dating anyone? If not there is someone that you have to meet."
And that's how Hee Hee and I became best friends in Chicago, the guy that she had in mind ended up being the first guy that I dated there as well. That's another story for another time. Her wedding to her guy was beautiful, it was an Asian theme and I wore a Kimono that I bought in Japan. I stood on her side and was her man of honor. She was radiant that day, even though outside the wind and water off the lake battered the window, she with her happiness made everything and everyone feel safe around her. She is like an older sister to me and I was so happy to have shared that with her and her now husband. I will write more later, as it is almost 1:30 in the morning and I haven't really slept. I don't know where I was going with this story, but I'm glad where it went. It was awesome to go back to Chicago where it all started and see how far I've come from being a scared little Mexican in the cold and not knowing where my next meal was coming from. I've got a ton of stories to tell ya'll, night..df

All wet...

It's been raining since the weekend and it's now reaching 50 degrees!! Where did summer go? Just last week it was over 80 with 1,000 percent humidity. Well now we got wind, cold and rain. I'm miserable. But I'm doing good, had a good weekend. I can't write my escapdes in the blog because I'm a lady and my family taught me never to dish your secrets to mixed company, so all you slutty ones out there call me I'll give you the scoop!! I've been working long hours so I haven't had time for myself, I haven't gone to the gym in a loooong while and I feel it. I promise, that I'll go this weekend when I get some time off. I promised myself that I'm gonna cut back on all the drinking and going out. I am gonna be constructive and get some culture. I went the MOMA last Sunday with #3 and his family and had a great time. Not much else that's exciting going on here, just trying not to the let the weather get me down. I'll try and write something witty at work..love you guys..df

On the Defense

I'm getting tired of people commenting on this site and not leaving their info so I contact them back and give some information on some of the questions that they ask me. So let me clear some things up for some of you out there....

• I am 27, not 32. That post where I talked about 32 being the new 23 is about my friend Roy and his birthday.
  

• This new job with the agency is not my first real job. I don't know whoever left this comment, but it would be nice if whomever would read it all the way through and figure what I wrote was that I haven't had a real demanding job in a while. I guess the person just thinks that I don't work or something, because I've been working since I was 14. To clarify one last time, where I work now is hard, it really is and I'm not complaining. Everyone who work gets tired and has to deal with a lot of shit from time to time. Especially when you are just starting out in a brand new career, again, and have to learn everything about your position by being thrown in. I'm sure those of us that learned how to swim took time to learn how to do that, right? I wasn't jumping off the high dive and doing back flips the moment that I learned how to dog paddle. But here it's sink or swim HONEY! I'm learning, everyday I learn something new, and everyday I get that much more comfortable with this place and everyone that I work with. I may be doing the breast stroke right now, but give me some time. I will be doing some Olympic level shit off my high dive.

Exhale...........That was said with one long breath, and my neck was rolling like Tiquandra Brown. I feel better now, it's going to rain in a bit and it's still humid and hot here and it's October. I gotta run, love you guys. I gotta get back to work...df

No worries...

I'm not dead and I haven't given up, I just don't have time to do anything at this moment. I forgot how hard it was to hold down a regular, demanding job. I'm really earning my pay this time around. I'm at work right now with my immediate supervisor and I'm loving learning from him, I'm about to go shopping for one of the models right now. Miss Thing needs clothes, and I don't need to go the gym. I haven't been in over a week now and I'm feeling it, I lost my lock and can't be bothered to buy a new one, I think that I'm getting depressed. And right now there is some sort of terrorists scare in the subways system. I'm either going to walk home or lay right down on this floor and be ready for this job in the morning. I will be working on Saturday, there are a lot of things that we need to get done and we need no distractions to get them finished. I gotta run, I'll write more later....df

I didn't even have to use my AK, I gotta say it was a GOOD DAY...

That was a lyric from a rap song by Ice Cube from back in the day. Well what to say, I haven't been to the gym all week because I've been too tired or I don't have enough time. I live way to faraway from my gym. I'm going to have to break down and get a gym closer to me so I can go there in the morning and not spend 45 minutes getting there and then another 30 minutes getting to work. It will all work out, as I'm sure I will get to again. Went to work and was busy the whole day. I do enjoy working with everyone, especially the person that I'm learning under, he's seen and been through so much in the industry. We went to lunch today and he gave me some great feedback and let me know that I was doing a good job, which is what I needed to hear. I breathed easier knowing that I'm actually being noticed and it's on the positive side. Not much else to write about, we've got an early staff meeting in the morning and Hollywood came over for a while to chat and watch television. I'm off to sleep, it's been and long and good day. WAIT!! I've got to send a shout out to my Tias back home in California, welcome them everyone. My Aunts are reading this blog too!! It's the only way that they can keep up with my life, since it's so crazy..hahahha, just don't freak out when you read some stuff that you shouldn't, cuz I try not to hold anything back....goodnight everyone...df

32 is the new 22......

At least that's what my friend Roy says. We had a birthday dinner for him last night and we got most of the clan together and had us a good old fashioned Feliz Compleanos! At a very expensive but delicious mexcian restuarant called Dos Caminos. It's the same one we went to for Dads' party but in a different location. Dinner was great and so was dessert, we all ate like Fatgurls. Roy got his present that he was not expecting, his brand new Ipod Nano. He's too cool for school now and he loved it. I was on cloud nine with all of my closests New York friends with me. I've made friends for life and I'm always to grateful for the time that I get to spend with them. Here are some pictures of last night. I need to try and get some sleep, I want to and will get to the gym in the morning.
Work has been tough and I'm getting my ass kicked on a daily basis, but I'm learning so much and the days go by so quick. I'm drinking red wine and getting sleepy. More inspirational stuff later, enjoy the pics..love df

Pictures

This was a great picture of my homegirls from the Malin and Goetz party that I kept promising that I would post. And this is a picture of me and Matt Maling and Andrew Goetz. df.

Summer is over...

I've been terribly busy with my new job!! I'm having a great time being a workaholic and feeling accomplished with my day. I'm also working out again, and this time I'm gonna lose those last 10 pounds!! So much has happened that I'm gonna have to give you guys my infamous bullet points to catch ya'll and me up.

• Saying goodbye: I left my old job as quietly and as I came. There were a few tears shed, for the most part everyone was happy about me moving on and up.
• New JOB!!: So I started my new job on Monday and had to fill out all this paperwork, one of these sheets happened to be a confidentiality agreement. So some things that I would like to write about on this blog I won't be able to, or else my ass is going to get fired! So I'll take it day by day. I had a tough first day, it's gonna be demanding and stressful but I'm up for the challenge and bring it on!! This whole week has been about me getting in earlier every day and leaving just a little but later every night. I feel like I haven't seen my Roommate in forever and I need to catch up on my chores. I worked six days this week and we still didn't get everything that we had to do finished. I'm learning about everything at the agency and everyday is an experience. I am in great hands with the gentlemen that I'm working under and I hope to learn what the hell I'm supposed to do there by the end of this coming week.
• HAVE TO SKINNY!!: This is what one of my co-workers jokingly told me a couple of days ago when I sad that I was off to the gym. I was told that I work in a modeling agency now and need to get fit. Um, okay. As if I didn't have enough body issues to begin with. Cut to me hitting the gym HARD early before work at least four days a week.
  
• I GOT MONEY!!: I get paid weekly at my new gig and that has made my life so much easier. I need to learn to budget accordingly!!
  
• PARTY WEEKEND: I hung out this weekend, went to a couple of birthday parties and ate to much and drank to much. But I had a great time with my friends and we made it happen.
• SUMMER IS OVER:Last night I busted out the hoody cuz it was 64 degrees outside and I needed to protect my ass from the chilly air. Today I wore same hoody as I had brunch with #3 and Dad in their neighborhood. It was nice to have a quasi weekend off. I'm sure that I will have one next weekend, hopefully, but one day isn't too bad. The food was great and we ended being Fat Gurls and ordering practically the whole menu and eating every last bit of food on all the plates. We went back and watched Birdcage and The Broken Hearts Club, which with the weather and the gloomy sky I got a little sentimental for all my old PPG's and the times that we had on the west coast. But I got over that real quick. There are new memories to be made here in NYC, and let me tell you this fall and winter are going to be SO good! I can't wait. I'm off to bed, I'm gonna hit the gym early!! love DF

*** Funny quote of the day: Dad is talking to his friend on the phone after we finished watching the Broken Hearts Club, and he was trying to tell his friend what movie he had just finished watching and he looks over at us and asks.
" What was the name of this movie? The club...The Westside Club?" He just told his friend over the phone that he just finished watching a movie about an infamous bath house here in New York. I was sitting on the couch mortified, and #3 was folding laundry, we both almost pissed ourselves laughing so hard!! It was tremendous to just let out a belly laugh with your best friends and just have good time. Thanks guys, that moment totally made up for ditching me on Friday night...df!! heehee

Rehydration

I don't ever want to drink again. I am totally going to detox for the month of October, this body can't handle all of this fun. I had a great time last night, met some cute boys and made out with a couple of them. My neck hurts, so does my lower back and my knee. Malin and Goetz had a small party for the store last night at their location and my night started there with Tam and #3 and the rest of the crew. I just have to say that I love that company and those guys, they make some of the best skincare that I've tried and use, and believe me that I've tried a lot of skincare. Matt Malin and Andrew Goetz have come up with a great product that if they ever called asking me to work for them and the job was right I would be all over it, I believe in the their vision and love them as people. Enough with the ass kissing, on with the rest of the night. We went to G lounge after the party then headed over to Douvet, a fun club with beds everywhere so you could stand or sit or sleep or whatever on those comfy things. We had great fun there, Roommate met up with us and it felt like old times again, especially since my Cheetah was in overdrive and I was on a hunt looking for anyone to pay attention to me. It was nice to dance and chat with guys like I used to back in the day. I wasn't afraid or self conscience about anything last night. We rolled home at 4:30 in the morning and I passed out after I drunk dialed my friend Sammy Boots. He asked me to send him a shout out on my blog so I did, I then passed the hell out and woke up with one of the meanest hangovers ever. I'm off to bed, I've nursed myself back to health with water, Gatorade, a cheeseburger with fries and some food from Chipotle. I have the day off tomorrow and I have to go to Jersey to see the new Sesame Street Live show with some old cast members. Fun!Fun! love df.

**To the person that left me that message about Sam, which I should erase but I'm not because I want people to read it to see how mean it was. I don't want my friends attacked on my blog, I will not tolerate this sort of thing, especially from someone who doesn't have the balls to reveal who they are, don't come on here throwing shade and then not want any fierceness thrown back. Or maybe you do know me well enough to know that I can serve it, even if I'm 3,000 miles away. Play nice and fair or I'll turn this car around, you understand? Momma don't play that shit. Okay, smooches, now I can go to bed...noches df

SHOUT OUT!!!!

DRUNK!!!! I AM DRUNK !!!
I'm sending a shout out to Sammy Boots. I've been out all night drinking and carring on, I know that I won't make it in at 10am. I've spent quite a bit of money trying to make everyone happy. Off to sleep I go, goodnight!!! love DF

*It is now 4pm, and I would like to apologize to anyone that I may have called last night, or thrown myself at. I don't remember writing that post up there, but I guess I was feeling good. I'll write a real post later to wrap up last nights wanderings and gossip. I need to drink more water and Gatorade, I've already had a cheeseburger and fries. I've checked my bank account and I have a negative balance, this is after just depositing $800 into my account. I'm lucky that I knew enough to pay off my bills last night, I just don't know where most of it went. I guess I wanted everyone to have some money to hang out with me so I started giving it away. I figure out later.... my head hurts...df