Grammy's SUCKED!

Woke up feeling real tired. So I stayed in bed until the very last minute that I could. Got to work and hit the ground running. I was glad to have Tam back, his presence was very missed this passed week. One of my coworkers went home sick and it was just me and Fifi, and we're not on speaking terms right now. She wanted to try and ignore me and give me the silent treatment, poor thing, she didn't know that I freakin' RULE at that game. I won and she wanted to talk about what upset her right on the floor, I told her that it wasn't the place to do it. We never did get to talk, but the night ended and Tam and I went back to his place to catch up and watch the Grammy's. We grabbed some beer and ordered a pizza and watched the last two hours of that crap. Man, how many lifetime achievement awards were they presenting?! And why did a dead man have to snatch away all of the awards? And WHY COME they chose those performers to screech that Beatles song? Lord, the Grammy's were all kinds of a mess! It was very painful to watch at times and yet I couldn't turn my head.
Not much else happened, I'm still broke. I may have to take out another quick loan that will prolly take me forever to pay back. But I need to look cute in Cali. I can't lie and say that I'm not nervous about this thing coming up, I don't know if I can pull it off. Everyone seems to have faith in me and the one person that doesn't is...me. Lord give me guidance! df.

NO TIME!!!

I have no time for anything!! I've been sooo busy this week with work and trying to get ready for this trip to California. I'm studying and making sure that I don't fuck up and make a fool of myself of front of all those people. I've also been hitting the gym a little bit harder, I have to look good for them, as well as for some family members and friends that saw me a little bit heavier the last time I went home. Not much to report, been kinda boring all week. I saw the "Notebook" with #3 and his husband tonight, it was his belated Xmas/Bday gift( a girls broke!), and we cried our eyes out. This movie was SO heart wrenching that I was fucked up for a few minutes after. This was one of the few times that I get reminded as to why I'm so happy to not have anyone in my life that would make me crazier than I already am, right?
Work was HELL! It was busy today and there were times when I felt like I was the only person working all day, which isn't true, but it felt that way. Friday was no picnic, we all were expecting this huge semi-annual bonus that was supposed to catch me up to all of my bills and give me some cash for my trip. NOPE, denied! The bonus was for $450 and all of that went to taxes. Um, I like a dumbass, paid most of my bills early thinking that I was doing the right thing, and now I'm practically broke and I don't have money for my trip, let alone plane fare back to NYC from San Diego. I just threw my hands in the air and am letting God give me guidance. In other words I'll figure it out when I have too.
One last thing. This is the first year in a long time when I didn't give up anything for Lent. It just sort of snuck up on me and I wasn't ready to sacrifice something that would help me be better person. I usually give up fast food, alcohol and men, but that's for my tour life and it meant something then, now it's just stupid to give up all those things in the city!
Well, I'm off to bed, it's late and I'm going to try to make it the gym before work..Kisses...DF

"What Just Happened?"

So, I took dance class tonight and it was awesome. My friends were there and it's always great to take class with people that you are comfortable with, it makes that much better. I'm studying my butt off for this work thing that I have to go in a week to San Francisco. So much to know and learn! My brain is fried!! Leeto and I had a great time tonight, after class we hung out and walked and just had chisme all the way home. He kept saying " What just happened?" whenever something strange came across our path. Like a cute guy or a bad conversation with someone in the men's change room at the dance studio. He's a funny ass guy, I love to have him around.
We came back to my place to watch the season finale of the Amazing Race. It was sort of a let down, I'm sorry to report. And now we are watching crappy television. I've got a small headache and I'm tired, from what I don't know, but I am. I don't know what else to write about, but I did have a great idea, I want to write a book or a selections of stories of the first time men masturbated or ejaculated for the first time. You know how intense those orgasms were when you were a teen-ager? How mind blowing and earth shattering they were? How you would go blind and re-spackle your walls? Yeah those I remember too. Wish I could get those back...
"Restless souls, enjoy your youth." those words were sung by Eddie Vedder in pearl jam. And they mean more now, then when I first heard them more than 10yrs ago..Damn I am getting old, night..DF

Two drunk nights, Two hard mornings!

Sorry that I haven't been keeping up, reason being that I kept getting home past 3am on both Thursday and Friday! And I had to get up and be at work at 10am! I ain't no spring chicken anymore. Where are the days that I could go out all night, get home, go to work at 5am run off to dance class until 10pm, go the gym until 12am and then get some sleep and start all over again!? Thank God for Gatorade and Red Bull.
So Thursday was a hard day, it was really busy and of course I had to do a lot of work. Clocked out at 9pm and was accosted by my homegirl to go out to celebrate, well....Thursday! I told her that I could only go out for a drink and maybe an appetizer. We went off to a cute place " SoHo Cantina". I highly recommend this place, especially if you have the cash to burn as you will soon find out later. I of course I had been here before with some other friends and HG fell in love with it as I knew she would. Only problem was that I had NO cash to spare, she said that it was cool and told me to order whatever I wanted, we got a pitcher of pomegranate Margaritas, SO GOOD! And some nachos, well we inhaled the nachos and ordered some tacos and then another pitcher! And then some more tacos. Well when we were amply full we still had a half the pitcher left we decided to be good and leave, we called for the bill and we're slapped in the face with a bill worth $160 U.S. dollars. And $96 of it was from the pitchers, we had gotten our coats on and HG said " Hell no, sit down bitch, we gonna enjoy this. Drink up Puta, this shit is liquid gold!"
I of course freak out and do as I'm told. But we are trashed as hell already and the waitress thinks that we are freakin' hysterical and comes by and chats and listens while we destroy our livers. Funny quote of that night...HG: What did she put in this! DF: Skinny Juice! She's trying to FUCK us up! We ended the night together in a cab as she held my hand and sang...She also picked up the whole tab without blinking. I'm gonna miss HG when she goes back to DR.
The next day was harsh but I'll give the queen version. It was my best friend #3s' birthday he turned 25, so of course I had to go out, I was commanded by her to be in attendance. I went after a long day at work. I put on some make up to hide the evidence of the prior night and went to attend this ball. I had no intentions of staying out late or drinking, but I did, on both counts. Dinner at a Cuban restaurant named..Well.." Cuba". It was cool, dinner and friends and a great organic chocolate cake from Wholefoods, what more could you ask for? BOWLING! We went and hung out at Bowlmore lanes and it was a blast! Played pool, drank, bowled(horribly, hand still aches) drank, and wore funny shoes. After that #3 wanted to go dancing, I had to go, he was there for my Bday the whole way through and I had to support my sister. But first a pit stop at #3 and husbands house to drop off presents. We went up to central park south, the four of us, our other best friend Leeto. We hung out and listened to music and re-did my make up. We also looked online at some Villas for our trip to St. Barts in April. We had such fun being locas that we ended up just there until 3:30 when I walked out because #3's husband wanted to make babies. Funny quote of that night. Leeto: Who drew that? #3: Picasso Bitch! They were talking about husbands' picture hanging on the wall of the apartment. I love my friends, oh and once again I didn't really pay for anything except for my shoe rental, a game of bowling, and my cab home. I love my friends! I really do.
Too tired to write about tonight..Love ya DF.

Find someone who will love you more than you love them.

I woke up hella early, with plans to go the gym. However my wrist had other plans. I re-aggravated my wrist that I had sprained a couple of years ago. So I stayed in bed and was a lazy ass. Roommate and I watched television and chatted like old times, it was nice. Got ready to go work and I looked cute, no rushing from the gym and trying to get ready at work. So of course I took way to long and got there just in time. Work was well...Work. I am finding myself trying not to work as hard I as I used too, which is very bad. I need to be re-inspired, by what I have no idea. But I go to talk to my manager and she and I had a great talk about relationships and and penis piercing, I let her in onto some of my experiences and told her that they were indeed fun! But the thing that really fucked me up about the whole conversation was her theory on love. She told me that in order to have a great and lasting partnership with a man, that you need to find one that loves you more than you love them. WHAT!!! Huh? " That way you'll never be in danger of getting your heart broken, and he lives and breathes for you and only you." she looked at me and smiled. And she truly believed in what she was telling me. It's like when I heard my mom tell my sister to find an ugly man because a handsome one will cause you all kinds of pain. She was talking of course about my father. Hmmm. At least I got to go home early.
Today was one of those nights when I finally felt like living here is for real, you know, more permanent. And it was nice, roommate is in Queens with his "boyfriend" and I get to get up in the morning on my time! YES! Nothing more to say...Project Runway is on...Love ya'll DF

Therapy

I was having a shitty day 'cuz I couldn't go to an audition for a show. A show that I would totally get...West Side Story. I know, the show is really dated, but hey! It pays very well and it runs for a long time. Anyhoo, I didn't get to go but I ended up taking an amazing dance class with one of my favorite teachers and it made it all better. I just hate the fact that I'm getting older and the boys are getting younger and hotter! I may not have the best body right now or kick my leg as high anymore, but I still have years of pain and life lived to draw from. That's where I kick ass. When the teacher says " He just broke your heart and left you there thrown on the floor, sobbing and he took your dog! Give me that! Live!! Drama!" Honey! So you know I gave it to them, me and my little tummy ( that is going away little by little) dancing circles around the young boys.
So after coming home from the studio, I find my very ill and whiny roommate bored outta his mind! It was kinda cool to have him back and willing to talk with me for a long while. We watched the Amazing Race and American Idol, I don't want to comment on either, it's just too much for me to handle. We were just chillin' and he axed me " So when are you gonna start therapy." I just glared at him with astonishment. " I've found out SO many things out through therapy." What the fuck! Now I'm starting to think that maybe I do need therapy, am I that fucked up right now that I need to go blab to some man all of my insecurities? I mean, that's why I stopped going to confession.
Fuck it, I go to take a hot shower to soothe my aching muscles and it's only luke warm water that quickly turned into freezing water! And for those of you that have never had the pleasure of being dosed by water on the east coast, in the middle of winter, you're lucky.
Now I get to listen to said roommate whine to his "boyfriend" about the vacation that I had wanted to take, without the other one. Now he can't come the days that roommate wants him too, and I'm okay with that. I want to chill and relax, not have them bicker and bitch back in California, I could just stay here and listen to that shit!
LORD!...Maybe I do need therapy...Maybe he can give me some good drugs! Night..df

I am La Divafina

So I finally buckled down and started a blog. After years of having my friend Armando tell me to write all of the shit that happens in my life down, here it is, and here we go. It's a cold Monday night in New York City. I live in Hell's Kitchen, in the smallest thing NYC can call a one bedroom with my best friend and roommate. It's small in here, really, really, really small. I can hear him late at night while his stomach digests whatever his Bikram, Kabalah, self-help book reading ass eats. Which by the way is why he only weighs like 10 pounds( I hate her). I currently am employed by a large upscale store that sells make-up, fragrance and skincare. I help run the skincare department. It's located in SoHo, NYC version of an expensive outdoor mall. I don't know what else to write, I'm a starving performer as well. So hopefully this thing will hold my accounts of the many failed auditions that I will have gone on. Hmmmmm...Not much else to write tonight, it's late and my roommate is already in bed is doing that whole " I'm asleep but you're typing is bothering me! So I will punch the pillows and roll around in my covers until you finally stop." That bitch. I will write more manana, I have another day off....With much love my quierdos.....DF.