HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I somehow survived my birthday, I'll leave out all the details, because I'll post the pictures up later of me with all my friends and GoGo Boys and the club, and me walking home 4am..DRUNK! And by myself! I couldn't remember how I had gotten home, and was sick the next day, until I looked on my camera and found some interesting pictures of NYC, only I didn't know who took them. Apparently I decided to walk home after I told everyone that it was cool, and took pictures to document my journey home, a Xmas tree and a statue and my shoes! I was sick all day on Thursday and didn't leave the house until this afternoon when I went to go see Transamerica. This movie was amazing and Felicity Huffman was stupendous and deserves all the awards that are coming to her! I urge everyone to go catch this film.
I'm off to a New Year's Eve party at #3's and Dad's place and can't wait to have a chill and intimate night with all my friends, I'll be drinking ginger ale, of course. I've been a bad blogger and need to sit down and just write about the this past year and all of the things that I hope to accomplish in the incoming year. I'll see you guys next year, be good and play safe!!! DF!!

P.S.
One of the funniest things I've heard in a long time came from my friend Sammy after I left him a message on my birthday, he saved and wants to try and put on the airwaves, it's hysterical! It goes like this. This is on his message with a very drunk and slurring Divafina..
" Sammy!! (thumping music in the background, inaudible people yelling)It's my BIRTHDAY!!(small pause) It's Madonna!! (long pause with music pounding, 'Times goes by, so slowly....') WHOOOO!!(click)" And that was a two minute long message

Golden Birthday!

Today is my Golden Birthday!! I turned 28 on the 28th of December, I am truly old now. I've had a tough holiday season folks and I couldn't write anything down because I didn't want to jinx anything and make it worse, I'll write the whole story down when I know that everything is going to be okay.
So let's make this post quick because I got to start getting ready for a night out on the town with my friends! First we're going to dinner at this great Mexican fusion place in the West Village named Agave, where we hear the margaritas are to die for! Then we are off to sleazy club where the GoGo boys wear next to nothing and we can dance our asses off!! I've invited people that are in town and even my Photographer and he said that he would make it tonight, so I can't wait to see what happens tonight. It's going to be a fabulous mess.
I'll also write my thought on being one year older and getting that much closer to 30.
I gotta go, I have to manscape!!
Love you, wish me luck..df

P.S.
Thanks to everyone who has sent me birthday greetings, it means a lot!

Merry Xmas!!

I'm taking some time to relax, I've gotten two weeks off work for a break and I'm resting!!
After all the drama here in NYC with the strike and the cold weather, I've gone and caught a cold, a very nice Christmas present indeed. Been shopping like crazy trying to make this a great holiday for me and mine, and here's to you guys out there! Merry Christmas!!
All my people on the West Coast! All my people in the Midwest!! All my people here on the East Coast!
All of my peeps who are abroad and on tour and God knows where!! I love you guys and am truly blessed to have you in my life, thank you.
I'll post some fun pictures when I feel better. Having a dinner party with my clan tomorrow and then off to a movie. Feliz Navidad!! -df.

Use your powers..

I haven't had a chance to write about anything in a while, so I'm going to qucikly give you a tid bit before I take off and run some errands. We had a Xmas party this past Wednesday, it was pretentious and I don't want to get into how rude the staff were at this place. It was fun, we had invited models and clients alike, and I, at the last minute, got this stroke of genius! I rattled off an email to my cute Photographer to come and he did!! I was so surprised that he showed up and I wasn't prepared to try and be cute or charming, so I just stood there and let him do most of the talking. He looked HOT! All of my friends approved and I just couldn't get into the whole flirty thing.
"Girl, bring out those old, man catching powers you've got tucked away! He's a catch, and he's all yours!" My roommate screamed into my ear.
"I don't think that I have those powers anymore, I gave them up." I yelled back while my gentleman went and got me a drink.
"Is he gay? I can't tell, did he tell you?" That was the million dollar question of the night, because I didn't know if he was gay or not. He had showed up and that threw me for a loop, but he was fucking up my gaydar.
"I think he is, but then he pulls back and acts straight." I whispered.
" Girl, I don't think he is, I see you having a man for your birthday!"
" Shut up! Don't jinx it! Here he comes act natural, and YOU find out if he's gay or not!" And with that I turned around and give him a quick thank you for my drink and started bopping to the music. I was trying to work this whole aloof thing, that I kinda remember working for me, but then I think that it was hit or miss back then so I just stood and looked cute. We got to talk and laugh and stare at each other for a while longer, he wanted a cigarette, I went and stole him one and lit one for me. He made me smile from ear to ear and #3 said that this was the one that he was talking about.
"Miss Honey, he was ordered just for you......" #3 said, and I knew he was.
Another crazy thing that he mentioned was that I was the first person he ever spoke to on the phone that when he finally met them, I looked EXACTLY like he had imagined. I didn't know how to take that, but he promised that it was all good. So did he imagine a cute latin boy with glasses, or chubby queen who spoke really fast? I don't know, but I'll settle for the first thought!
Around midnight he and his friends decided to take off and I was glad becuase I was TIRED! We had this awkward hug kiss on the cheek thing, where we smiled into each others eyes and made promises that we would hang out somewhere quiet, he also said that he would attend my birthday party. So, who knows, last night #3 and I picked out baby names, just in case....df

Back from Chi-

So I'm back from Chicago, it was a good trip. The rooms were all should out when I get there, got bumped up to a HUGE suite, no bed, but great view and they gave $50 for food and beverages purchases to make up for the fact that I was now high rolling. I haven't slept and I'm exhausted! My room was on the 27th floor and had a great view of the river, it was snowing when I took this picture. It always amazes me when I feel like a hotel room is home, the smell and the front desk make me feel all warm and fuzzy. An elevator doesn't hurt either. Night...df

Brokeback Mountain..

I'm at the airport right now, waiting for my flight since I got here two hours early. I'm going to Chicago for a modeling convention that I just found out I was going to a couple of days ago.
So last night we went to catch the opening night of Brokeback Mountain, there were a bunch of gays in my group and one REAL lady. I've been waiting for this movie for over a year now and I can't begin to tell you how moved I was by the short story, hence the reason why we bought our tickets a week in advance. I had never seen so many different types of gay men at a mainstream movie theatre before, or sure, there are tons when you go the "gay" indie flick that flashes a male frontal, but a theatre where next door they're playing Harry Potter? We got there an hour early and were first in line, I had butterflies in my stomach, and couldn't be happier to share this movie with my clan, minus a few brown children. Okay, I don't want to ruin the movie or give it fagged out review of it, I just want to try and touch upon the impact it had on me, even at 8am, Roommate and I woke up talking about it.
This was one of the quietest films that I've ever been at, more so than The Ring, cuz everyone there was too afraid to do much else than breathe.
Ang Lee, the director, mutes us with the beauty of the Wyoming landscape and makes us appreciate God and all his wonders. He makes you feel and understand how small man is when it comes to nature. Jake Gylenhaal and Heath Ledger play the main characters, Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, respectively. Jake plays Jack with big eyes and desperate quality, like he's always searching and scavanging for human contact or emotion, he did a fine job. It was his best acting performance to date. Heath Ledger blew me away in this part, I can't even being to describe how amazing he was, I didn't see Heath Leadger up there, I saw Ennis and for that I was in awe of his acting skills. He doesn't have many lines, but when he does speak it's for a reason and you better listen. Ang took us through a rollercoaster of emotions and somehow made a 50 page short story into a 2 hour masterpiece. I can't figure out how I want to finish this review, but I do have to board a plane, I will leave you with this. It was a love story, and it makes you think about your past, present and future. Even though their love was painful, it was also a very powerful thing that I hope to one day have, except with all the pain and loss.
I'm off to Chicago peeps...
Brokeback music
df

No clue!

Somewhere my little brother who I haven't spoken to in four years is turning 25. I hope that he's doing better and taking some responsibility for his life and his choices. He doesn't know it, but I pray for him every night. Happy Bday bro. Wherever you are! DF.

Auf Wiederschen......BITCH!

Last night I went to the premiere (say that with a fake British accent, ala Harry Potter, Premiere) of one of my favorite reality shows, Project Runway. This is one of the perks, I guess, of working in fashion. I was SO excited for this party, not only was the show finally starting, but one of my Roommates close friends is one of the designers chosen to be on the show, Dan Vosovic. He's super cool and adorable, so now we know where the hell he ended up over the summer when no one could get in touch with him! Also, one of the models that we represent Danyelle is strutting her shit on the catwalk, so I HAD to be there! I had invited my Roommate to come along and was on the guest list, so I was feeling very VIP. That was until I got there and they told me that I wasn't on the list.
" I'm sorry I don't see you're name on the list, can you step aside please." The bitchy intern with a fucking clipboard told me and my roommate.
"Oh, okay. I'm supposed to be on the list." I quietly said, with enough hate in my eyes to melt the snow around her. I was not going to give up, but I had to not make a scene. My roommate thought that I was giving up, but I was thinking, so I called Kuddles and she let me have it!
"Gurl! Why you standing there in cold when you should be inside having a cocktail with some HOT man! You tell that bitches' supervisor what agency you're with and who you work for and march right in! Do I have come down there?!" I guess I shouldn't have interrupted his date, but he gave me the much needed boost to get my fires blazing.
"Excuse me, I work for _____ and my boss RSVP's for us to be here, I have an invitation and I was just turned away at the door." I very efficiently told the hooker with the headgear walkie-talkie.
"We sent out a lot of those invitations, they mean NOTHING unless you RSVP." She looked right at me with her empty, just try it queen and I'll let you have it stare. So I gathered my full height and I told her what I should have said from the beginning.
" I'm from___, and I've got some models in there." And I pointed into the tacky club where the tacky party was being held.
" Where are you models?" She asked, looking behind me.
" There ON the show! I'm here for THEM!" I said with my inner diva voice that was amplified by my magical fur hat that made me look like a Russian Mafia boss's wife!
"Oh, okay then..." And then the rope was unhooked and I was let in front of everyone standing in the cold.
So I made it in, they had and open bar and some food. But I was not impressed, I thought that it would be different. It was crowded and loud, people were smoking and you couldn't hear anything. The cool thing was we got to see most of the show without commercials, so we decided to bounce and catch the second half of the show at home where we could hear everything.
I'm was happy that I got to meet some of the contestants and get free stuff. And Heidi Klum is not playing this year, she sent home THREE people in the first show.
On another note, I'm happy that PR is back on because two of my favorite shows just ended, America's Next Top Model AND Making the Band. This is gonna be a long December indeed!
Goodnight..df
p.s.
miss you Jaq!

My fiancee..

This is my homegirl Jaque from work. She's a scout and fierce, we share a desk together and I love her. She was having a I hate boys day, so I took her ring and put it on her left hand and proposed a sexless, kissless, marriage. We are both going to have other boyfriends, but be married together, besides, our initials are the same. Here she is kids, are you ready? df

Go-Go Man...

Liquor before beer your in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker! Or is it wine before beer you feel queer? Or beer before wine, feel fine? Or is it righty tighty, lefty loosey? I can never remember the saying, all I know is that last night turned out to be one of my famous drank waaaay to much nights that I can honestly say it didn't have me making an ass out of myself like I normally do! This time it was Dad's turn, someone should have warned the non-drinker to not try and match me drink to drink, you'll lose almost every time. #3 is in California, so Dad and I were going to go out for a minute and have a drink and catch up. Before he even got to my place I had finished a bottle of cheap white wine, so I was good and toasty when we set off for the Boy's Room, an east village gay bar that I love! I like to get there early so I can miss the long coat check line, but mainly it's for the open bar that they have before midnight. We started drinking and having a good ol' time, saw my favorite Go-Go boy and the rest of the heathens that run the Saturday night party. Tam showed up around midnight and I had his favorite drink waiting for him so he could start right away. It started to pick up around 1am and by that point the three of us were drunk, and waiting for the Go-Go Boy contest they have on Saturday to begin. Every Saturday guys can sign up and compete for $300 in the contest, they have get on stage and take of their clothes and make the crowd happy. The audience chooses who goes onto second part of the contest where it can get pretty raunchy and debaucherous. So usually it's hot, cute, young guys that need the money for rent do the contest, so it came as a shock to Tam and I when Dad was called up onto stage(using an alias of course) to strip down and shake his groove thing! I was mortified! All I could do was watch as he was up there dancing and showing what his momma gave him, LORD! #3 is gonna KILL me is what kept running through my head. We ended up cheering along with everyone and making sure that his pants and shirt were safe. Dad did great, I mean, he was drunk and had liquid courage and is a MAN, not a boy anymore. He was a G0-Go Man and didn't need the money, so I have no idea what made him want to get on stage. There were only three contestants and he made into the second round onto the bar, he made some tips and then I can't remember who won. It's kind of blur, after that was over we hung around and drank some more and kept loosing each other. I had to fight to keep this busted guy from taking advantage of my best friend's husband, cuz I'm a Latina and that's what we do. We were all a hot mess, finally got things settled with taking him home and as we were leaving I saw the winner of Project Runway, Jay, and I walked up and told him how much I loved him, and then Dad throw up at his feet and we had to leave. We couldn't find a cab to take us uptown, so we walked home, in the snow mind you. New York decided that the first snow was to fall last night, and it did, a lot! We stumbled home with Dad, practically carrying him and trying to reassure #3 that his soulmate was safe. Dragged him up six flights of stairs and then put him to bed. We woke up Roommate and his boyfriend, staggered out and went to eat with Tam at diner 24. I always have to eat before I go to bed when I'm that drunk and eat we did. Came home and got some big bottles of water and Gatorade for us and crawled into bed with Dad. He woke up at 10am like nothing happened and didn't have a hangover and went home. Meanwhile, I'm laid up in bed, nursing my hangover and watching the LOGO channel. I gotta say, my Saturday nights are getting crazier every week, I don't think that I handle much more of this, #3 better hurry up and get here! I can't wait for Tam to call me so I can get his take on last night. I feel old....I am old... df!

I do believe in MySpace, I do..I do!!

I've went and done it!! I've joined the dark side. I've joined MySpace, and I'm hooked. I've fought it forever and now I can't turn off the computer and go to bed. Myspace at this link, you can look at my profile. In the one hour that I had joined I was able to connect with four people that I haven't spoken with in years!! It's awesome, I love it!! If you can't get a hold of me you know here I'm at..love you...df

He was ordered just for me..

Have you ever met someone and they made you take a quick inhale? There is this photographer that I've been working with and up until last night I hadn't had the pleasure in meeting him. His phone voice to me sounded like he was older, so when he walked in last night to touchbase and give me some pictures that he had been trying to drop off for over a week, I took a gay inhale. He was perfect, like someone had ordered him just for me. He was a little bit shorter than me, had beautiful skin and teeth and the greenest eyes that I've ever seen. His hair was buzzed short with a contagious smile,and was around my age. I was so happy that he had stopped by at the end of the day, there was no one there and I was free to flirt and be charming. He stayed for a minute and when he left I was surprised that I had maintained my composure. I swear that I fell in love right then and there, he was smart, creative and cute. I saw us walking around Rockfeller Center during the holidays and the thought made me smile. I haven't been this enamored with a person in ages. I gushed with my coworkers and as I was walking to the train I saw him outside and I waved and kept on walking, afraid of making a fool of my self and bothering him since he was on his phone. When I got home and told this story to my roommate he told me I should have asked him out for a cup of coffee and kept the conversation going, but since I've been out of the dating loop for a while he said that I would need to practice. So to my surprise there was this sweet email this morning from him telling me that he was happy to finally meet me face to face and he was looking forward to working with me in the near future. I'm taking that email as a good omen, I even wrote him back a quick email being flirty but not too flirty telling him that I was glad that we had met as well. I want this one! Someone out there better cast a love spell for me, it's been too long since I've had boyfriend. We'll see....night. DF

This past week...

DUDE!! I've been either too lazy or tired to write what the hell has been going on in my life. Every time that I get on the computer and begin to blog I suddenly get writers block and can't. So here it is Black Friday and I have the day off so I'm going to do my famous bullet points to catch everyone and myself up.

• Harry Potter: "Potter Stinks!" I got a chance to watch this movie last Friday with a bunch of my gay friends and I gotta say I was a bit disappointed with the movie. I'm a HUGE Potter fan, thanks to Chris, and I even spent the prior week re-reading all the books so I could have all the Potter trivia in my head. I even went on The Sorting Hat and found out that if I had been gone to Hogwarts I would have been placed in the Griffindor house. So I went knowing that there were going to be changes for the movie, but there were SO many changes that I can't even mention. Visually it was great and the acting has gotten better from the kids, as well some of the boys turning into young men and getting HOT! All I've got say is Harry in the tub!! Boy, you better call me in three years!! So now I can't wait for last novel and the fifth movie.
• Old Friends: I had an old friend that flew in from Michigan to have Thanksgiving with me, she flew on Wednesday which I had off and I spent the day with her walking around and being a tourist.
  
• RENT: The movie, I saw it on Wednesday night with 8 other gay boys who have been waiting for a long time to see this movie. I love this show, I've seen it 23 times! I was in High School when this show opened and my friend Angel and I couldn't get enough of this show, we learned all the words and bought all the magazines that had anything to do with RENT. And when the show opened at the La Jolla Playhouse in '97, Angel and I were there first! We would spend the night outside and buy the $20 tickets for the front benches which is the only way to see the show! He and I saw it 17 times that year, the cast got to know us and so did the house managers. I've also auditioned for the show a few times and received some call backs and all that good stuff so this show is very close to my heart. So I was AGAIN disappointed when the show opened with the songs in the wrong order and then some of the lines that were sung in the show became dialogue. It was filmed in San Francisco and most of the time you could tell that it was, but it was cool to see the neighborhood that I run around in on screen. I'll spare you the full on review and just say that I was happy the movie was finally made, I just wish that it would have stuck closer to the show. I missed some of the songs, but I enjoyed some of the choices that were made.
• Giving Thanks!: I had Thanksgiving dinner with my friend from out of town and her friend and it was very nice. A gourmet dinner, it cost a pretty penny but someone else picked up the tab so I was more thankful for that! I came home and then rushed over to hang out with Hollywood at her place since Roommate was upstate yet again for another major holiday. At Hollywood's place they had made a traditional dinner and I got here in time for dessert. Hung out and got really drunk and came home and passed out. Last night was so much better than last year when I bought a pie and watched the parade on television by myself, I cried a little. So this year I give thanks to my new and old friendships as well as my new job and feeling groovy.

It's cold right now and I'm just chilling with my Roommate watching videos. I'm meeting up with Nanalene in a few to have a bite and say goodbye since she leaves back to Michigan in the morning. Not much more to write about...DF.

The Madonna....

Living in New York is like having Madonna as a Fairy Godmother that every once and a while shows up and bestows all the faggots across the land with lavish gifts and fierce beats. Today is the official release of her new album Confessions on a Dance Floor. I've been lucky enough to have had the pleasure of listening to the entire album on a loop for two weeks thanks to the Gay Mafia at work. They somehow nabbed an advanced copy and have subjected us to "The Madonna" as one my of coworker calls her, over and over again. I was also surprised when said Mafioso gave me a copy of the bootleg on the condition that I go out and get a "real" copy later on.
"Jose, do like The Madonna?", Mafioso asked me with his real British accent that sounds almost fake but is real as I was cropping pictures for some model, while her newest single "Hung Up" played for the tenth time that day.
"You mean this? Her?" I pointed up, confused and wary because he never talks directly to me. And when he does have something to say he very cunty about it so I proceeded with caution.
"YES, you silly boy. You like it? I think it's fierce and I can't wait to get the real copy. What do you think of it, this new album?"
"I like it, the beats are simple yet intricate and the songs tend to have lyrics from old songs that she has had in the past. I think I like also because it's...what's the word? Familiar, yeah. That's it." I held my breath and waited for his verbal aria against what I had just said.
He then looked at me like he finally realized that I was person with an opinion and not some kid that he yells at to do favors for him.
"Hmmm, do want me to have the art department burn you a copy? I can do that you know, I'll have them burn you a copy..... on one condition."
"What's that?" I asked sheepishly afraid that I was going to have to do something embarrassing in front of the whole staff.
"I'll give you a copy for your listening pleasure, but you have to promise to go out and buy a real copy so you can have the liner notes for your homosexual collection." All this was said with his fey British accent that reminds me My Fair Lady, only gayer.
"I promise!" I breathlessly whispered with an my own gay version of his accent that surprised me.
He went off in a rampage to get the art department to make me a copy and then later gave me the CD in front of the Gay Mafia as they all approved and made me promise once again that I would indeed go out and get a copy. I've since been loving this album, it hasn't stopped playing on my Ipod. Madonna made this CD so that all the songs flow into one another like one continuous song that never stalls or breaks. I especially love the video for her first single and one track called "I love New York" which she sings about her city that she left behind before she gave up her Queendom to become Euro-trash.
Even though this is the kind of CD that my friends and I would have played while we were coming down off of ecstasy, it's still great music to play on the subway while inside your head your life is a video on Mtv.
"Time goes by, so slowly....Time goes by, so slowly...... I do love the Madonna!"
DF.

And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?

I've had a full weekend! I met up with Tam, #3 and Dad for dinner and drinks on Friday after work. We decided to try out a new place so we went to Tortilla Flats in the West Village. The food was good and the company was great, it's was a little loud and it was full of breeders! We were the only gay people there and it was totally apparent, we were more than happy to pay the bill. After that I rushed home to clean up a little bit before Roommate came home on Saturday.
It was nice to see him again, it was also nice because he is totally relaxed after being in the mother land and going home. I got up and ran to work at my old job where I agreed to work for half a day once a month to keep my discount. I was on fire, being there and knowing that I would get to leave in a few hours made the day pass by so quickly and I spent the entire time with smile on my face. I forgotten how much fun it was to play with all the products that the store carries.
After working I met up with #3 and Dad to go catch a movie with Dad's other friend Pelon, who is a riot and fun to be with. We watched Pride and Prejudice, a movie adapted from Jane Austen's novel of the same name. People let me tell you that this movie requires you to have a box of tissues with you because it is a love story and totally sappy! There were so many little lines that I fell in love with and wish and hope that one day a man will tell me the same things. One of the line was at the end of the film and it was said by Mr.Darcy to Elizabeth whom had just agreed to his proposal, " And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?". He said this only after she asked him what he was going to call her when was completely in love and devoted to her, and he said Mrs. Darcy. Pass me those tissues please! #3 and I were a complete mess and walked out with puffy eyes. Afterwards we walked all over creation to have great Chinese food, I was in bed before midnight and was asleep until Roommates befriend stumbled in at 2am drunk of his skinny ass waking me up, he's lucky I don't sleep with a knife under my bed like my Grandma does or he would've been sliced!
Slept in today and ran over to have a good brunch with #3 and Dad, walked around a bit and went and caught another film with Tam. This time it was another book that was adapted to a film, Jarhead. I don't know about Tam, but this film was pretty intense. I honestly went to go see it because my husband Jake Gyllenhaal is in it, not to mention a bunch of other HOT men that walk around naked almost the whole movie. But I also got a some insight on the first war in Iraq, I didn't remember all that they covered because I was a kid when that shit went down. I was in 7th grade and all I can remember is the television coverage. Jake was great in the movie, was nice to see him show some emotion, as well as Jamie Foxx. I don't know what else to write, was home by 7 and just decompressed and watched some television. All in all, it was a chill weekend. Roommate is in Queens and I got the place to myself, can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to come on in a few. Goodnite...df

Making the Band

My Roommate and I love this show! It's on MTV on Thursday nights at 10pm. I love eating junk food and watching Diddy let these poor girls have it!! The last couple of episodes it's been all about dancing and him sending the worst dancers home. Well today when Dominique felt like she was going to be sent home, Diddy had them sing solo. Well HUNY! Miss Dominique opened up her mouf and sang "How did you get Here" made famous by Debra Cox, and she bared her soul! She sang like her children needed an operation and she had to make the money on the corner! I just sat here and I started to cry, I felt like she took me to church! I felt the spirit, and so did Puffy. He made her stand by herself and she basically received immunity from being sent home. I can't wait for the real band to be selected.
My dad wants me to look into flights to Mexico for Xmas, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm off to bed, I can't wait for my Roommate to come home, this place is a mess! By his standards at least.
Night..df

Barely there

Woke up this morning feeling really good, skipped to work and just handled everything as best as possible. Today went by SO slow, I wanted to leave in the middle of the day because there really wasn't much to do. I kept myself busy with little projects but I would finish those and then have nothing to do, I can't wait til Manny gets back tomorrow morning. Came home and put my pajamas on and made pasta and watched television. Bored, so I guess I'll give you guys another heart wrenching poem that I thought was SO deep back then, but now it's just pathetic. So here we go!

Drink You Away written March 7, 2003

i want to drink you
away.
poison the memories
and pain.
wash away your smiles
and caring words.
drown your beautiful
eyes in a pool of
indifference and liquor.
tequila seizures
vacillate me from sobs to
laughter.
as my Mexican roots take
hold...and shake me
with their hairy fingers.
growing ever stronger
grasping at the weeds
of your love and
constricting my heart
from feeling...I am numb.
waning eyelids blur you
from my vision.
slurred words hide my
hurt.
an empty glass is
my enemy..
a drop of water is
not to be had..
in the end i
stagger to sleep..
on a bed..on the floor..
a park bench
makes no difference.
my comfort for slumber
is smoky clothes
and hair..stale breath..
acidic belch.
the only sure thing
i can count on
is the head and
stomach ache when
i wake..
i want to drink you away.

DUDE!!! What the fuck!! I can't believe I wrote that shit! That one goes out to all my people who have ever just wanted people to leave them the fuck alone while the tied one on and cried in their beers and played that same song over and over. I, for one, would grab my bottle of Tequila and wrap myself in my Mexican flag, put on some Selena or Vincente Fernandez and just cry it out. I would light my Virgin Mary candle, and my roommate would just leave me alone. He knew that I was going to be Mexican and do some soul searching. You can blame me Dad for this trait, I learned it from him. And it always works.
Love ya'll.... goodnight...df.

Gay Sex in the 70's

After spending all day cleaning I got ready and met up with the gang at Spice on 5th Ave below 14th. We caught a showing of a documentary on gay life back in the day called Gay Sex in the 70s
It was an interesting film that took you through the history of the whole gay New York saga and it really was an eye opener for us, especially Dad, who is a fagling, having only been out for a little under a two years. I sure am glad that all the old queens that I worked with at International Male and in theatre shows brought me up right on everything queer, they gave books, movies and I had to practically give them book reports and term papers. They made sure that I knew where my people came from, it makes you that much stronger and aware.
So we had dessert and I came home and drank a few beers, watched that last three minutes of "....Housewives", I don't know what it was about, but Ms. Terri Hatcher was giving you a performance! She was trying to keep her man from leaving her and she was in a wedding dress, she ran into the street and practically jumped on top of the jeep just to keep her man to stay!! GURL!! FIGHT!! Hold on to your MAN! I thought that she was Latina running after her cholo. I could have sworn I heard her yelling "PUPPET! Don't go eh!, Pendejo, stay with me! PUPPPPPET!!!" I swear to God I was crying and couldn't hold back the tears, I have been there and I poured some of my Corona out for her, into my mouth.
I've got a cute buzz going on and I'm just trying to write a little something since I've been a loser and can't keep up. I got some calls today from people back on tour, with the show that I left. They are getting ready to go to Holland in December and it has some people that I would have loved to had worked with again, but I can't have everything can I?
I was going to post a another tacky poem but I can't right now, I'm trying to finish the fourth Harry Potter book before the movie opens, so I must bid ya'll goodnight. DF

Easy like Sunday Morning..

I'm currently writing this with tears in my eyes as I wait for the bleach and cleaning fumes to get the hell out of my apartment. I just finished cleaning my bathroom and am taking a break before getting ready to head on out to see my friends. I've had a boring week since I last wrote, except to say that Roommate is in Mexico and I'm all alone in this place, it's weird cuz I haven't been this alone for quite sometime.
Some people came over on Friday and brought beer and snacks and HG stayed over and we read our poetry and journals to each other well into the morning. I pulled out some dusty journals from the road and some bad poems about a certain someone who ripped my heart out and it just got me thinking to put some of them up here, so without further ado, some bad poetry about love lost and never regained....

Wonder written on March 7, 2003

It makes me wonder,
if I am ever to find
companionship......
again I feel lost and
abandoned
You were holding my
hand
one of the few whom
I let get close
I stopped to smell
your essence
Instead I got drunk
on your soul
When I opened my eyes,
your hand was gone
As well as my heart
You walked away
Your gait always faster,
longer than mine
Hoping that you would
come back to me
Like you did so many
times before
You never looked
back...
Afraid? No one
knows
A pillar of salt?
Maybe, perhaps not
Afraid of what would
be there....
Just me...a sea of
salty tears.....
An empty hand and
faded memories of stolen
moments that you took with
you forever
It makes me wonder..


When I write stuff down I never go and edit or rewrite it, I'm big believer in stream of consciousness. Reading all these sad things helps me keep my life in perspective, it helps me not want to ever feel like did back in those days. I was a very sad and self-destructive person. Those of you guys who were with me during those times remember the ugliness that was this person and me. The great thing is that we've become better friends since then and talk constantly. I'm loving having a chill day, love you guys...df

So a nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar....

So last night reminded me of this joke.
"A nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar!"
Well, that was spot on description of me and my friends last night, running from party to party. It took us three hours to get Miss Kuddles Karano ready for the ball, but we got it going. All in all it was a great night, I was SO tired and a little under the weather but we made it happen. My outfit was a last minute thrown together creation and I had some funny reactions. I had some people want to take me home and more often than not some really cracked out people wanted to confess their sins to me, it was a strange night all around. We went on the subway at one point when the traffic was too much, also trying to fix #3 corset on the subway with people watching on the train. We went to three parties and were on the VIP list for all of them, which was great when you got boys with heels and wigs, luckily the Great Pumpkin blessed us with some warm weather. The night ended with me leaving Kuddles with her friends as I walked down Ave. C and passed person after person that just waved at Blanca the Nun.
Friends I'm sick in bed right now, I left work early, I think that the Syrup smell from earlier in the week got me sick. I want to send a shout out to Katie from work who reads this blog while she is bored. Love you honey!! I'm off to bed, you gotta love Nyquil. Df.

HAPPY HALLUJUWEEN MUTHUFUCKA!!!

Tonight is Halloween, it's a Holigay. Other than Gay Pride, this is my
people's other holiday. I had a jam packed weekend that I don't have time to
get into here, but I will tell you the funniest thing that happened to me. I
was filling in for someone on this modeling and acting panel, you know where
smaller agencies send their talent to possibly be picked up by a larger
agency. It was on Saturday and it was only for a couple of hours and it paid
me $150, I was all over it since it was quick money. I felt like an
imposter, not to long ago I was at the same kind of auditions trying to make
it. I was at the very end of the panel and I was sort of upset that I had
spent a lot of time picking out the right outfit that said "I can make all
your dreams come true!" but I also wanted it to say "You should have worked
harder!". I wore all black and a big black scarf and my glasses and my hair
was tussled in that I'm artistic and gay but I didn't spend to much time on
my hair, but I really did. Everyone else walked in looking like they were
asking for change on the subway and I could feel their bitchiness, I kept
quiet the whole time. These were some bad auditioners, bad monologues and
very green. I felt sad for them so I started to leave almost everyone
detailed notes on there pacing and beats, line readings and energy. I kept
thinking that I would have liked to have had this feedback when I was
struggling so I was scribbling away when I noticed a name on my sheet that
brought some bad feelings for it, but I couldn't remember why, then HE
walked in. There was a friend of my Roommates who's own roommate a
struggling performer whom I met over last summer. I thought he was a cute
Jake Gylennhaal doppelganger, only his was blonde and over six feet. But he
had those same blue sleepy eyes and crooked smile that I instantly wanted,
so whatever Lolo wants, Lolo gets. We had met at this gay bar and he, of
course, had no money and for some reason at the time I did, so I got him
drunk. We made out the whole night and when it was over we promised to call
and see each other again. Well the next day he called ME! We replayed the
previous night together and made plans to see a movie and grab a bite, well
I got dressed in my cutest outfit and waited, and waited, and waited. He
never called or returned my messages or phone calls, I think me redialing
over and over again might have scared him, you think? I was pissed because I
had spent a lot of money on his ass and didn't get any of it, so I let it
go. I saw him again a couple of months later and he tried to say that he was
sorry about that night and if he could call me again, I said okay knowing
that he wouldn't and he didn't, end of story..right? So I'm writing down
some notes and looking down at my paper and I hear this voice that I
instantly connect with the name that I was angry at, enter this dopey
looking kid that looked like the hot guy that I had met in my haze at the
bar, but it wasn't, it couldn't, could it? SHIT! Here he was in broad
daylight, not bar light, and he was less than breathtaking, a lot less, more
like a burp, or a hiccup. This was the guy that threw me for tailspin for a
couple of weeks? He walks in and introduces himself and recognizes me and
stops short, I wave and smile and thank the Gods for karma. I settle in for
what I know will be a shitty monologue and I am rewarded with a long drawn
piece of shit that I couldn't help but smile when he was done. I think he
thought that I was impressed, I was,but not with him. I was impressed with
the cosmos, and what sense of humor it has. This kind of shit only happens
in the movies, most of my friends stated, the movies and me.
I LOVE NY!! I'm off tonight to a bunch of parties, I can't wait, it's gonna
be FUN!! I'll have picks by manana. Love you guys..DF.

The Windy City..

If this blog had been a plant or a pet it would have died along time ago, so if you would please my patient and loyal readers, do this blog a favor and clap! Clap and bring it back to life, for you see, this blog is written by a fairy, therefore it is a fairy. Repeat after me, "I do believe in Fairies, I do! I do!" Aaaah, there, all better. And on with the show.
I was in Chicago over the weekend to see one of my best friends in the whole world get married. Hee Hee was the first person that I met when I moved to Chicago back in '01. I was working at tacky beauty store and I was made to sell useless paraffin wax dippers for people to use in their homes. I was stationed by the hair salon with a table and the unit, and I was supposed to make these people think that I was expert at what I was selling. This was the only job that I could at that time so I pretended that I was playing a role in a play and this was acting. So I read the directions in 10 minutes and off I went, at first reading the directions verbatim and dipping peoples hands into the hot and aromatic rose, lavender or raspberry scented paraffin. It was very therapeutic and I noticed that people loved that I was also massaging their hands. Also at that time I was a hot little number, I was thin and looked like a million bucks. A tall Latin boy from California in the middle of a Chicago winter was like seeing a Monarch butterfly in the snow. I was well groomed and did not belong in January in the Midwest, so I used displacement to my advantage. I was great at improve and started making up shit that sounded good!
" With the magic of the non-stick heat ring you not only melt the wax but you also release the aroma therapy benefits of the fragrant oils that are trapped inside, do you smell that?"
I would then grab her hand and gently bring her towards the melted candle and brush my hand towards her nose, fanning the ersatz aroma therapy towards her nose.
"I think, I think I do feel calmer?!" The middle-aged mother with the white sweatshirt and the puff-painted red nosed reindeer would look at me. I in turn would flash her my west coast smile that was movie star all the way, one of the many smiles that I posses in my arsenal of looks and glances. She was caught off guard by my dimples and the way I playfully rubbed her other arm and told her, " In Hollywood all the celebrities keep their hands soft and beautiful using a unit just like this one, it would also help you too. It would help take off dead skin cells and make your hands look younger, also making your hands appear as if you've never done a honest day of work in your whole life! You can kiss dish pan hands goodbye!" I would then throw my head back and laugh a little wicked laugh, like I was letting her in a movie star secret, ringing up the box I would walk her over and tell her that if she had any problems with it she could always bring it back, no questions asked. I sold over 15 in a matter of a days. I later found out that they had ordered a lot of these machines but couldn't sell them, so they had sat in the stockroom for more than a month until I came along, it was sort of my test. To see what this pretty boy was made of, I proved my self to all of them. Enter my friend Hee Hee, I noticed this cute lady walk in and stand at the edge of the crowd that would gather as I would melt unscented wax and then use our own essential oils that the store carried to mix and customize my own aroma therapy. This was actually out of necessity than imagination, we had run out of the scented wax and they wouldn't let me open any more of it for the demos, so I started using the other oils that also weren't selling and also started upselling. She walked up and wanted her hand massaged, I wasn't going to give her the sermon because I had learned that some people just wanted me to touch them and not want to buy this contraption. I started by lightly massaging her hand in silence and then went to dip her hand in the melted wax.
" You're not gonna give me your speech?" She asked a little bit disappointed.
" I thought that you've already heard it a couple of times, so I thought that you just wanted your hand touched." I was a little wary of her by now.
" No, I like when you smile, where are you from anyway? You have an accent."
"An accent?" I cocked my head to one side and continued prepping her for the dip. She touched upon a very sensitive thing that not many people know about, my voice. I've always been very aware that I had a higher voice than most men, always teased growing up about how fast I talk. You see my first language was Spanish and in my culture we speak very fast, but I had to go to speech therapy for years and I worked very hard to get rid of my stutter and accent that most kids from the area that I grew up in had. To me it showed no education and lack of sophistication to point to a chair and sound like you were saying "Pleeze, seet in dee share" I hated that I had to tell the teacher the difference between that chair and share. I sit in the chair and I share the chair. Very hard to manage when you are in the second grade and scared of adults.
"You don't sound like you're from around here." She had noticed that I was thrown off by her question.
"Like where? Like what country?" All I was thinking was that here I am in Chicago and I'm rubbing on some bigot that was probably about to tell me to go back where I came from. I had to quickly think about what how would I handle the situation, would I be composed and educate her? Or would I yell and talk shit, or my personal favorite, throw the wax on her head and walk out into the snow and cause a huge scene and telling the store to shove this job up their asses.
" No silly, what state." Her turn to laugh, " You don't have a Midwestern accent."
"OH! I'm from California, from San Diego born and raised." I blushed a little.
" What are you doing here?" I went on to tell her that I ran away from home to try and make in Chicago and that I eventually want to move to New York, but thought that this was far enough away from home but close enough to New York to make on my own. I found that we instantly bonded and I could tell her anything. She stood at my stand for another 40 minutes and I ignored all the rest of customers so we could get to know each other.
" You're gay right?" Great, here it comes! We were just hitting it off and now I've to try and come up with another scenario to make a statement, if she is a homophobe how can I let her know not to fuck with a queen from the westside? By being honest.
" Yes I am." And I smiled at her the most sincere smile that I could muster without looking like I was in a showchoir or pissed of at her.
"GOOD! Are you dating anyone? If not there is someone that you have to meet."
And that's how Hee Hee and I became best friends in Chicago, the guy that she had in mind ended up being the first guy that I dated there as well. That's another story for another time. Her wedding to her guy was beautiful, it was an Asian theme and I wore a Kimono that I bought in Japan. I stood on her side and was her man of honor. She was radiant that day, even though outside the wind and water off the lake battered the window, she with her happiness made everything and everyone feel safe around her. She is like an older sister to me and I was so happy to have shared that with her and her now husband. I will write more later, as it is almost 1:30 in the morning and I haven't really slept. I don't know where I was going with this story, but I'm glad where it went. It was awesome to go back to Chicago where it all started and see how far I've come from being a scared little Mexican in the cold and not knowing where my next meal was coming from. I've got a ton of stories to tell ya'll, night..df

All wet...

It's been raining since the weekend and it's now reaching 50 degrees!! Where did summer go? Just last week it was over 80 with 1,000 percent humidity. Well now we got wind, cold and rain. I'm miserable. But I'm doing good, had a good weekend. I can't write my escapdes in the blog because I'm a lady and my family taught me never to dish your secrets to mixed company, so all you slutty ones out there call me I'll give you the scoop!! I've been working long hours so I haven't had time for myself, I haven't gone to the gym in a loooong while and I feel it. I promise, that I'll go this weekend when I get some time off. I promised myself that I'm gonna cut back on all the drinking and going out. I am gonna be constructive and get some culture. I went the MOMA last Sunday with #3 and his family and had a great time. Not much else that's exciting going on here, just trying not to the let the weather get me down. I'll try and write something witty at work..love you guys..df

On the Defense

I'm getting tired of people commenting on this site and not leaving their info so I contact them back and give some information on some of the questions that they ask me. So let me clear some things up for some of you out there....

• I am 27, not 32. That post where I talked about 32 being the new 23 is about my friend Roy and his birthday.
  

• This new job with the agency is not my first real job. I don't know whoever left this comment, but it would be nice if whomever would read it all the way through and figure what I wrote was that I haven't had a real demanding job in a while. I guess the person just thinks that I don't work or something, because I've been working since I was 14. To clarify one last time, where I work now is hard, it really is and I'm not complaining. Everyone who work gets tired and has to deal with a lot of shit from time to time. Especially when you are just starting out in a brand new career, again, and have to learn everything about your position by being thrown in. I'm sure those of us that learned how to swim took time to learn how to do that, right? I wasn't jumping off the high dive and doing back flips the moment that I learned how to dog paddle. But here it's sink or swim HONEY! I'm learning, everyday I learn something new, and everyday I get that much more comfortable with this place and everyone that I work with. I may be doing the breast stroke right now, but give me some time. I will be doing some Olympic level shit off my high dive.

Exhale...........That was said with one long breath, and my neck was rolling like Tiquandra Brown. I feel better now, it's going to rain in a bit and it's still humid and hot here and it's October. I gotta run, love you guys. I gotta get back to work...df

No worries...

I'm not dead and I haven't given up, I just don't have time to do anything at this moment. I forgot how hard it was to hold down a regular, demanding job. I'm really earning my pay this time around. I'm at work right now with my immediate supervisor and I'm loving learning from him, I'm about to go shopping for one of the models right now. Miss Thing needs clothes, and I don't need to go the gym. I haven't been in over a week now and I'm feeling it, I lost my lock and can't be bothered to buy a new one, I think that I'm getting depressed. And right now there is some sort of terrorists scare in the subways system. I'm either going to walk home or lay right down on this floor and be ready for this job in the morning. I will be working on Saturday, there are a lot of things that we need to get done and we need no distractions to get them finished. I gotta run, I'll write more later....df

I didn't even have to use my AK, I gotta say it was a GOOD DAY...

That was a lyric from a rap song by Ice Cube from back in the day. Well what to say, I haven't been to the gym all week because I've been too tired or I don't have enough time. I live way to faraway from my gym. I'm going to have to break down and get a gym closer to me so I can go there in the morning and not spend 45 minutes getting there and then another 30 minutes getting to work. It will all work out, as I'm sure I will get to again. Went to work and was busy the whole day. I do enjoy working with everyone, especially the person that I'm learning under, he's seen and been through so much in the industry. We went to lunch today and he gave me some great feedback and let me know that I was doing a good job, which is what I needed to hear. I breathed easier knowing that I'm actually being noticed and it's on the positive side. Not much else to write about, we've got an early staff meeting in the morning and Hollywood came over for a while to chat and watch television. I'm off to sleep, it's been and long and good day. WAIT!! I've got to send a shout out to my Tias back home in California, welcome them everyone. My Aunts are reading this blog too!! It's the only way that they can keep up with my life, since it's so crazy..hahahha, just don't freak out when you read some stuff that you shouldn't, cuz I try not to hold anything back....goodnight everyone...df

32 is the new 22......

At least that's what my friend Roy says. We had a birthday dinner for him last night and we got most of the clan together and had us a good old fashioned Feliz Compleanos! At a very expensive but delicious mexcian restuarant called Dos Caminos. It's the same one we went to for Dads' party but in a different location. Dinner was great and so was dessert, we all ate like Fatgurls. Roy got his present that he was not expecting, his brand new Ipod Nano. He's too cool for school now and he loved it. I was on cloud nine with all of my closests New York friends with me. I've made friends for life and I'm always to grateful for the time that I get to spend with them. Here are some pictures of last night. I need to try and get some sleep, I want to and will get to the gym in the morning.
Work has been tough and I'm getting my ass kicked on a daily basis, but I'm learning so much and the days go by so quick. I'm drinking red wine and getting sleepy. More inspirational stuff later, enjoy the pics..love df

Pictures

This was a great picture of my homegirls from the Malin and Goetz party that I kept promising that I would post. And this is a picture of me and Matt Maling and Andrew Goetz. df.

Summer is over...

I've been terribly busy with my new job!! I'm having a great time being a workaholic and feeling accomplished with my day. I'm also working out again, and this time I'm gonna lose those last 10 pounds!! So much has happened that I'm gonna have to give you guys my infamous bullet points to catch ya'll and me up.

• Saying goodbye: I left my old job as quietly and as I came. There were a few tears shed, for the most part everyone was happy about me moving on and up.
• New JOB!!: So I started my new job on Monday and had to fill out all this paperwork, one of these sheets happened to be a confidentiality agreement. So some things that I would like to write about on this blog I won't be able to, or else my ass is going to get fired! So I'll take it day by day. I had a tough first day, it's gonna be demanding and stressful but I'm up for the challenge and bring it on!! This whole week has been about me getting in earlier every day and leaving just a little but later every night. I feel like I haven't seen my Roommate in forever and I need to catch up on my chores. I worked six days this week and we still didn't get everything that we had to do finished. I'm learning about everything at the agency and everyday is an experience. I am in great hands with the gentlemen that I'm working under and I hope to learn what the hell I'm supposed to do there by the end of this coming week.
• HAVE TO SKINNY!!: This is what one of my co-workers jokingly told me a couple of days ago when I sad that I was off to the gym. I was told that I work in a modeling agency now and need to get fit. Um, okay. As if I didn't have enough body issues to begin with. Cut to me hitting the gym HARD early before work at least four days a week.
  
• I GOT MONEY!!: I get paid weekly at my new gig and that has made my life so much easier. I need to learn to budget accordingly!!
  
• PARTY WEEKEND: I hung out this weekend, went to a couple of birthday parties and ate to much and drank to much. But I had a great time with my friends and we made it happen.
• SUMMER IS OVER:Last night I busted out the hoody cuz it was 64 degrees outside and I needed to protect my ass from the chilly air. Today I wore same hoody as I had brunch with #3 and Dad in their neighborhood. It was nice to have a quasi weekend off. I'm sure that I will have one next weekend, hopefully, but one day isn't too bad. The food was great and we ended being Fat Gurls and ordering practically the whole menu and eating every last bit of food on all the plates. We went back and watched Birdcage and The Broken Hearts Club, which with the weather and the gloomy sky I got a little sentimental for all my old PPG's and the times that we had on the west coast. But I got over that real quick. There are new memories to be made here in NYC, and let me tell you this fall and winter are going to be SO good! I can't wait. I'm off to bed, I'm gonna hit the gym early!! love DF

*** Funny quote of the day: Dad is talking to his friend on the phone after we finished watching the Broken Hearts Club, and he was trying to tell his friend what movie he had just finished watching and he looks over at us and asks.
" What was the name of this movie? The club...The Westside Club?" He just told his friend over the phone that he just finished watching a movie about an infamous bath house here in New York. I was sitting on the couch mortified, and #3 was folding laundry, we both almost pissed ourselves laughing so hard!! It was tremendous to just let out a belly laugh with your best friends and just have good time. Thanks guys, that moment totally made up for ditching me on Friday night...df!! heehee

Rehydration

I don't ever want to drink again. I am totally going to detox for the month of October, this body can't handle all of this fun. I had a great time last night, met some cute boys and made out with a couple of them. My neck hurts, so does my lower back and my knee. Malin and Goetz had a small party for the store last night at their location and my night started there with Tam and #3 and the rest of the crew. I just have to say that I love that company and those guys, they make some of the best skincare that I've tried and use, and believe me that I've tried a lot of skincare. Matt Malin and Andrew Goetz have come up with a great product that if they ever called asking me to work for them and the job was right I would be all over it, I believe in the their vision and love them as people. Enough with the ass kissing, on with the rest of the night. We went to G lounge after the party then headed over to Douvet, a fun club with beds everywhere so you could stand or sit or sleep or whatever on those comfy things. We had great fun there, Roommate met up with us and it felt like old times again, especially since my Cheetah was in overdrive and I was on a hunt looking for anyone to pay attention to me. It was nice to dance and chat with guys like I used to back in the day. I wasn't afraid or self conscience about anything last night. We rolled home at 4:30 in the morning and I passed out after I drunk dialed my friend Sammy Boots. He asked me to send him a shout out on my blog so I did, I then passed the hell out and woke up with one of the meanest hangovers ever. I'm off to bed, I've nursed myself back to health with water, Gatorade, a cheeseburger with fries and some food from Chipotle. I have the day off tomorrow and I have to go to Jersey to see the new Sesame Street Live show with some old cast members. Fun!Fun! love df.

**To the person that left me that message about Sam, which I should erase but I'm not because I want people to read it to see how mean it was. I don't want my friends attacked on my blog, I will not tolerate this sort of thing, especially from someone who doesn't have the balls to reveal who they are, don't come on here throwing shade and then not want any fierceness thrown back. Or maybe you do know me well enough to know that I can serve it, even if I'm 3,000 miles away. Play nice and fair or I'll turn this car around, you understand? Momma don't play that shit. Okay, smooches, now I can go to bed...noches df

SHOUT OUT!!!!

DRUNK!!!! I AM DRUNK !!!
I'm sending a shout out to Sammy Boots. I've been out all night drinking and carring on, I know that I won't make it in at 10am. I've spent quite a bit of money trying to make everyone happy. Off to sleep I go, goodnight!!! love DF

*It is now 4pm, and I would like to apologize to anyone that I may have called last night, or thrown myself at. I don't remember writing that post up there, but I guess I was feeling good. I'll write a real post later to wrap up last nights wanderings and gossip. I need to drink more water and Gatorade, I've already had a cheeseburger and fries. I've checked my bank account and I have a negative balance, this is after just depositing $800 into my account. I'm lucky that I knew enough to pay off my bills last night, I just don't know where most of it went. I guess I wanted everyone to have some money to hang out with me so I started giving it away. I figure out later.... my head hurts...df

" Feel this skin.... Are you going through it?"

Let me catch everyone up on what's been happening in my life since last I posted. I went to straight to work at my "real" job after completing my freelancing gig with the modeling agency without having a day off. My gym schedule was also thrown off but I managed to have some good times with friends over the last couple of days, I will bullet point to get in as much as possible.

• Paris is Burning: All the children to the floor!! #3 bought this movie on Friday since it was finally released on DVD. We spent Friday night watching it and it was funny to watch this movie after so many years and finding out that my gay vernacular was affected by this movie. We decided that we have our own house and the house is named Jose. I am Divafina from the House of Jose. Also it was queer to find out that almost everyone around me bought that DVD, from Roommate to Friend and others. It was a voguing weekend.." Are you going through it?"
• Caught smoking: So I started smoking again in Japan and it came back with me. I haven't made it a big deal, but #3 caught me smoking a cigarette on Saturday while I waited for the crew to make it to dinner. I felt like I was seven again and my mom caught me with a cigarette in the backyard, there was a moment where I forgot that I was a grown man and not a child. It's nice to have people care about your health. I know that I will quit again, especially since I almost passed out on the treadmill yesterday.
• Hooligans and beer: Sunday was a busy day at the store and I finally got a chance to go out and catch a movie with Tam. We had been trying to catch the movie Green Street Hooligans with Elijah Wood. I enjoyed the film, it was like a Football Fight Club, at least that's what Tam said. I have to remember that I live in New York now and that I have to get used to people talking through that whole thing. During very emotional and intense moments people would cat call the screen with "Frodo" or " My Precious". It was not needed, but we dealt with and almost froze to death inside the theatre. Tam and I then went to drink beer from tap because we were inspired by the movie. As we were walking to the bar we noticed these two piercing beams of light that shone into the sky and I was reminded that it was the fourth anniversary of the 9/11. I stopped to take pictures and my camera didn't do it justice. Tam and I got drunk off of beer, and had some great talk about my future and what I want to do, he told me that if I was offered a job with the modeling agency then I should take it because I was happier doing something that used and showcased my talents. It was just great to hear some good feedback from a friend and co-worker. It also marked the fourth anniversary of my fathers' artificial heart valve operation, so I called him while I walked home and wished him a happy fourth birthday, since he was dead for a few minutes during that operation and he was sort of reborn with a new heart.
  
• Day off...of everything!:I had the day off on Monday with plans to go to the gym and walk around and enjoy my day in Central Park. Well I received a call from my friend who worked at the modeling agency and he called to tell me that I was being offered a job with the his agency. I cried, it was weird being offered a job that you didn't go after, so of course I said yes and I planned to call on Tuesday so I could meet up with his boss and discuss pay and benefits. After that call I couldn't leave the apartment, I was freaking out, I started to doubt myself and my abilities and had to stay inside and watch television. But once Roommate came home he brought back down to earth and helped me through my episode.
  
• BBQ and The Cock: Went to the gym on this day off and got called into the modeling agency to have a meeting with the director. She made me wait for almost two hours before we had our meeting outside over a cigarette. Called #3 and went over to his place where we decided to go out and have dinner and drinks and celebrate my good fortune. Tam met up with us and we got a little tipsy and ended up at the Urge and the New Cock. Tacky Go-Go boys and one with an eggplant dick kept #3 entertained. Tam was right about this job and he was supportive with my decision to drop down to on call at the store. Stumbled home drunk and passed out.

• Humid and gross: Went to work late, it is mugging. There is another hurricane messing up out weather here, and it's effecting my joints. I'm turning into an old lady who swears that they can feel rain coming from their knees, which I do. Deposited a check and came home early from work. Just chilling and catching up with friends on the phone. Happy to know that this is my last week at the store and then I get to start my new gig. Also think that it's funny that some of my friends have started blogs after reading mine, want to welcome them to the blogsphere, even if I did have to help them name one. I'm off to bed..love you guys...df

And back to life....

The show finally went up last night and it was one of the most thrilling, exciting and stressful things that I have ever been involved with. I felt like everyone and everything was either yelling or being forced upon me and the few of us that were assisting with the production. I can't go into detail right now because I'm exhausted from having to work today at my "real" job and not get anytime to recover from the maddness that is a fashion show. I was home last night by 11:45 and in bed by midnight. I haven't slept much and I just got home from hanging out with #3 and I'm about to head to bed. It's just hard to go back to slinging stupid samples when I was just being fabulous with the glitteratti last night...back to life...back to reality... night df

GET ME GUCCI!!!

I'm having a blast working at the modeling agency, I just wish that I hadn't went and got myself a small cold. I'm old enough to know my body, but I still don't listen to it as much as I should. I came home from work yesterday around 6pm. That was early for me, considering we've been putting in 13 hour days. I was feeling a little bit under the weather all day, we had SO many fires to put out yesterday, but out of all them I was most stressed out about the task that I was made to do. You can call it my Queer Eye curse, my whole gay life has been about women thinking that I can do things that all faggots should be able to do! Like I should know how to sew, or cook, or do hair. I can't, I'm not that gay. I also HATE to go shopping, it's true, I'm a power shopper. Get in and get out, don't try anything on because that takes to much time. So for some reason my boss( who's fucking fierce!!) decided to trust me with getting her dress for the show, you know the one that she's going to wear on the red carpet.
"Jose!! Call Prada, Gucci and whoever and tell them that I need a dress!! And HURRY!"
" Okay!, (trying to sound capable and secure) Which one? What color? "
"Jose, YOU'RE GAAAAYY, you decide"
End of conversation, and the way she rhymed Jose with gay, she made both the AY sounds long and shrill. Jose is Gay, I haven't heard that since elementary school, and even then it was because I looked up the word gay in the dictionary and it meant happy, so I, wanting a bigger vocabulary than everyone else adopted the word and started using it.
"Jose, you wanna come to house and have nieve?" My boyhood friend would ask.
" I would love to come over and have some ice cream, it makes me GAY!" I would exclaim with such vigor and youthfulness.
Little did I know that ice cream does not make you gay, it makes you happy and fat, but not gay. Sucking dick makes you gay, and that wouldn't come into my life for another seven years, so I became Jose is GAAAY. Not because I liked boys, but because ice cream made me gay. I was asked by the teacher why I was telling everyone I was gay and I had to tell him that it meant happy.
"Jose I KNOW what gay means, but also means something else...." Long pause as I looked up at him with tears welling up in my eyes( I always hated when men taller than my dad talked to me, and Mr. Rendon was waaaay taller than my dad).
"What?.....What else does it mean Mr. Rendon?" I had asked meekly,I was scared that I was in trouble, what was the big deal. I can't be happy? Was it a crime to be gay in 1986? Apparently it was, because he got all red in the face and then took a long look at me. I mean a loooong hard, trying to figure me out look. The one where you look at those magic picture where you have to squint, get you're eyes out of focus and then sneeze to see the pansy in the garden. That's how he saw me, the boy with the matching two piece burgundy sweat suit, the top had a hood with no sleeves, very 80's, very now. And the shorts matched, but I had started to outgrow them and my legs were a little too long for them by then, but I insisted on wearing them together because they were a set and I didn't want them to be apart. My hair was styled with so much AquaNet and DEP gel that it was harder than cement, I had to have to highest waterfall like bangs in the world, even then I knew that my hair was an asset. I was wearing some sneakers that I think we got at the swapmeet, but I kept them nice and clean. The deal breaker, the one that made my picture jump out at him, was when he got to my shoes he noticed that I wearing what my little brother so now affectionately calls Bitty socks, you know ankle socks. I didn't want to wear long tube socks they look out of place, so I got a pair of my sisters socks, the kind she wears with shorts. Only hers had the little trimming around the sock in pastel colors, pink, yellow, baby blue, lavender. I chose the most masculine color she had available that would match with my outfit, LAVENDER. It even had the little pom pom on the end of the sock, that hangs over the back of the shoe. After that stare that seemed like a life time, but really was only a nanosecond, I shifted my weight, put one hand on my hip and brought the other one over my eyes so I could look up at Mr. Rendon and not get blinded by the sun. There on the black top, on the Four Square painted lines, Mr. Rendon figured out that I was a gay. Not ice cream happy, but dick happy. He told me to stop calling myself gay and he left it at that. I let it slip away and never thought about that moment until much later in my adolescence when Jose is GAAAY became an accusation and insult.
So I sat at my desk completely stunned, who do I call? I've never done this before, she'll fire me. Five minutes go by before she calls me on the phone to ask if I've found her a dress, or if I have any ideas. When I tell her that I don't she yells at me to bring her that latest Vogue, I go and find it. It's September 2005 and it's HUGE, a fashion issue with Sarah Jessica Parker on the cover. I notice that if this gets thrown at me it's going to hurt. She grabs it from me and starts looking through it like she's looking for a spell or incantation to ward off evil spirits.
"Look Josssaaay, she her? I want something cute, small, I want to show off my legs!"
"I was thinking a nice black pant suit? Very strong and sexy at the..."
"PANTS! Hell no! Josssaaaay, I've got great legs let me show them off while I still got them!"
She hands me the book, thankfully, and my job now is to scour the magazine until I find her the dress. Why me? I suck at this, I flip page after page. Damn these current fashions! Twenty minutes go by.
"Jossssaaay, where are we with that dress?" She beckons from inside her office.
"I've tabbed the pages with possibilities, maybe Valentino, or Prada or..."
"NO, I want to be sexy, all of these are shit. Keep looking, make me look good Jose."
"Okay!" I said though I had no idea how I was going to do this, all the other assistants were off shuttling the young models from shoots and castings and I was left alone. I'm on the internet trying to look at websites when she comes out of her office to look at the Vogue once more. I opened it for her to a page that I hadn't gotten to and there was this beautiful silk navy blue long sleeved dress that this actress was wearing on page 541. It had a nice plunging kneck line and it was perfect for her.
"YES! That's it, I love it! Where can we get?" And by we, she means me. I quickly scan the page and look for a name, anything, what is it? YSL? Dolce and Gabbana? WHAT! I notice then the caption while she's looking at the other magazines, it's....GUCCI!
"It's Gucci, the dress is Gucci." I tell her this thinking like a poor Mexican boy would, like it's a dream dress and it's only found in magazines, not in your closet. I sounded like I let her down, you know liked I failed. She looked over at me with this nonchalant look and said.
"SO? I love Gucci, Get me GUCCI!"
"But the dress is $1,000!"
"Jose, the dress is me, Gucci is me, I need this dress. Call them and tell them that I need this dress."
Well I guess she told me, so I started my search which would last the rest of the day. The Gucci boutiques in NYC did not buy the dress Niemen Marcus did, but there are no NM in NYC. When I tell her this she doesn't care about the cost have them send it to us. I call around all afternoon and no one can find the dress that's on page 541 of the latest Vogue, she even went home early yesterday and called my cell phone while I was home to ask about the dress. I've been on the phone with so many different store and personal shoppers that today I was scared to tell her that I didn't have a dress. Thank God my friend who got me the gig was at the office today when she called. He's her real assistant and I'm just filling in for the time being, he got on the phone and told her that everything was going to be alright and that the boutique would have something similar to that and to go shopping on Sunday. She was happy after that, I was pissed, but she was happy. I still can't believe all the pressure that put myself under and the problem that I thought we had wasn't that big after all. I ended up coming home early and just resting in bed the remainder of the afternoon. I'm all high on drugs for this cold and can't wait to fall asleep, I just had to write this. If you guys get a chance, page 541 on the new Vogue, had a kick ass dress that you can't get anywhere in the U.S. night....df

Have I arrived??

I'm a little bit drunk, tired and fighting a cold. I know that these pictures say a thousand words. We had welcome /birthday party for the models and one in particular. Her name is Melissa Haro, the young cute chick from last seasons Project Runway. It was her 18 birthday and her friend Austin Scarlett arrived to celebrate, I had to take a picture and chat with one of my favorite designers, I mean, we didn't have much to talk about, seeing as he's practically a vampire and I'm a witch , but I made it happen. The other picture is another up and coming model from Brazil who's name I can't remember, but look at her! She's hot! I need to go to bed, but I had to upload this pictures because no one was going to believe me. And those of you night owls may recognize The Park off of 10th Ave. Here in NYC. I couldn't believe that it was a restaurant, I had only gone when it was a gay-seedy-fun club. I had a blast because it was VIP and private. I could get used to this...df

Models, models EVERYWHERE!!!

I've been working 13 hour days helping my friend out at the modeling agency. They, we've, have a HUGE fashion show that is coming up next week. I'm helping out by being a production assistant, and for those of you who don't know what that is, it means I'm everyones bitch. I do whatever they need me too. It's a great oppurtunity and I'm learning a great deal. I just wish that I had more time, I'm to tired to go the gym nor do I have time to hang out with anyone. For example, Esmeralda was broken and her replacement was sent to me on Monday, I just last night finally had the chance to pick up the new Ipod from a friend who was keeping it safe for me and i reloaded all the songs onto Esmeralda the sequal. It took all night to upload over 2,000 songs. I didn't know how much I had become to depend on my Ipod to keep me from interacting with people on the streets of New York. I can't really type right now, I'm actually at the modeling agency and as I write this there is this giraffe of a blonde being taught how to walk before she goes out for casting for fashion week. She needs help, and everyone knows that I can walk, but they're not paying me to teach, I'm here to learn....and answer phones.... Anyone ever read the Devil wore Prada? I'm living here, and she wears Gucci. I love it!! By for now...df

Some Pictures from Japan...

This was one of the pages from a childre's coloring book that was giving to me from one of my cast members, it really is Found Porn. I don't think that the people who drew this had me in mind, nor do I think I even have to point it out how homo this is...or do I?

The toilet on here is not your ordinary run of the mill toilet. He has a bidet added to him and I named him Henry. He is probably one of the things that I'm gonna miss the most, he even had a seat warmer! I need to get one of those. I post more as time goes on, have fun...DF.

I did it for the SHOES......!!

I've been back from Japan since Monday night, but I've been having so many little novela dramas whilst I've been home that I can finally commit to writing most of what happen this past week. Are we ready kids?? Okay here we go!!

• Sayonara- We closed the shows and then I decided that I wouldn't come back and I told management that I would not be joining the show for the European leg of the tour, which was rather difficult to do, but all I had to do was feel how my leg and hip felt and I knew why I had left the "Street". Besides more than half the cast wasn't coming back and this cast was the best of the worst and the worst of the best. I couldn't have asked for a better group of performers to work with, they were all professional and could work it out!! The last show was INSANE!!! I wish that we would have taped it because we were all on fire! The show had three original cast members that helped to originate the show, including me, and we made a pact that this was the last one. I mean four years of marching is a long time, AND I got four pairs for brand new tennis, I totally did this tour for the shoes!
• The long journey home!- Well, on Monday after waking up with the craziest and worst hangover from the closing night party. Those of us that were leaving then got our shit together for this trip, we were to take the bullet train from Osaka to Tokyo then a another train to the airport. The trip all in all took four hours, then we had to get our luggage that had been shipped ahead and reorganize our bags so we could check in. The lines were CRAZY!! Thanks to the Northwestern Strike all our flights were a little, what's the word? Fucked Up!! We didn't know what was going on, after checking in we had some McDonald's, our last meal as a group, and went on in to get checked again, then head through immigration. Well we made it through and I thought that I would have sometime to go the bathroom and take care of the kids. Well they started to announce all of our flights and we had to give each other quick hugs and sad " See you laters...". Which I think was good cuz if we had had more time it would have been over! The plane was packed and I had the aisle seat, but I was sitting next to two little Asian girls that were part of a group that was coming to the states to no doubt come shopping in my store and ask for samples. Anyhow, I'm already upset, disoriented, hungover, sad, bloated and sleepy. All I want to do is take a small nap, but as soon as we get going and we're in the air I start to fall asleep wouldn't you know that both of them had tiny bladders!! I let them know that I was very unhappy, but I did it was a big sigh and an evil look, which those of you know can freeze a bird in the sky. But did that stop them? Nope, throughout the flight they needed to get up and use the john, so I didn't get to sleep. I did get to watch three movies that I wouldn't have otherwise, Guess Who?, The Ice Princess, and Madagascar. We finally flew into Detroit, because heaven forbid I get a direct flight home, two hours before I had left Japan. I had gained 26 hours!! I was confused to say the least!! Cell phone worked and I started calling my peeps!! I was so excited to hear everyone's voices, but I had to wait another four hours before I could get to fly home. Stupid strike!! I had been awake by the time that I got home after taking a shuttle home from La Guardia, ( which took another two hours) over 40 hours or something unheard of like that. I got to catch up with Roommate and give out his presents and went to bed, after taking the best shower ever!!
• The rest of the week- Got up on Tuesday at six in the morning and was still jet lagged, Rommate and I had " Get it DONE Tuesday", which is when most of our chores get completed, I unpacked, did all my laundry, cleaned the apartment, and hung out. I was supposed to go hang out with Tam that day but I fell asleep around 8pm and didn't wake up until the next day. Wednesday I woke up and went to the Apple store to get my Ipod Esmeralda looked at, she had stopped working when we were on the way to Nagoya. I had a little moment when the guy told me that she had basically died and needed to call HP to get a new one sent out. Went to the gym to get rid of the six pounds that I gained in Japan, damn those carbs!! I came home and figured out that my computer is fucked, every time that I launch Explorer it shuts down and I lose all my work, which is what kept happening with the blog. I'm now on Mozilla and I am in love!!
• Work!!- Since I've been gone, my store has been cutting hours like crazy. Thank GOD, that I went around the world to earn my rent money, because I only got 20 hours this week! It has to do with us not making our goals, but I'm supposed to be fulltime. I'm not some high school kid, I gots to pay my bills. This is were my good friend Ryan comes in, he's the one that we used to sublet from, he booked me a freelancing gig with his modeling agency helping them wrangle their models and just be his assistant. I was able to get my time off from my store, and frankly, they're so happy that I got this. I'm helping them by not coming in to work. I'm hoping that if this works out I can do some more work with them in the future, this will be good exposure. Especially since I only worked one hour today before I was allowed to go home since it was SO slow.
  

Well that is about it, I think? I hope that everyone is caught up. I'll be posting some pictures from the trip later on. I'm home now, bored, #3 is not here, Colorado is nowhere to be found, Roommate is at his Kabbalah meeting and going over to Flacas house in Queens. I'm nervous about tomorrow with this new gig, hopefully I can hang. Love you guys!! DF