He was ordered just for me..

Have you ever met someone and they made you take a quick inhale? There is this photographer that I've been working with and up until last night I hadn't had the pleasure in meeting him. His phone voice to me sounded like he was older, so when he walked in last night to touchbase and give me some pictures that he had been trying to drop off for over a week, I took a gay inhale. He was perfect, like someone had ordered him just for me. He was a little bit shorter than me, had beautiful skin and teeth and the greenest eyes that I've ever seen. His hair was buzzed short with a contagious smile,and was around my age. I was so happy that he had stopped by at the end of the day, there was no one there and I was free to flirt and be charming. He stayed for a minute and when he left I was surprised that I had maintained my composure. I swear that I fell in love right then and there, he was smart, creative and cute. I saw us walking around Rockfeller Center during the holidays and the thought made me smile. I haven't been this enamored with a person in ages. I gushed with my coworkers and as I was walking to the train I saw him outside and I waved and kept on walking, afraid of making a fool of my self and bothering him since he was on his phone. When I got home and told this story to my roommate he told me I should have asked him out for a cup of coffee and kept the conversation going, but since I've been out of the dating loop for a while he said that I would need to practice. So to my surprise there was this sweet email this morning from him telling me that he was happy to finally meet me face to face and he was looking forward to working with me in the near future. I'm taking that email as a good omen, I even wrote him back a quick email being flirty but not too flirty telling him that I was glad that we had met as well. I want this one! Someone out there better cast a love spell for me, it's been too long since I've had boyfriend. We'll see....night. DF

This past week...

DUDE!! I've been either too lazy or tired to write what the hell has been going on in my life. Every time that I get on the computer and begin to blog I suddenly get writers block and can't. So here it is Black Friday and I have the day off so I'm going to do my famous bullet points to catch everyone and myself up.

• Harry Potter: "Potter Stinks!" I got a chance to watch this movie last Friday with a bunch of my gay friends and I gotta say I was a bit disappointed with the movie. I'm a HUGE Potter fan, thanks to Chris, and I even spent the prior week re-reading all the books so I could have all the Potter trivia in my head. I even went on The Sorting Hat and found out that if I had been gone to Hogwarts I would have been placed in the Griffindor house. So I went knowing that there were going to be changes for the movie, but there were SO many changes that I can't even mention. Visually it was great and the acting has gotten better from the kids, as well some of the boys turning into young men and getting HOT! All I've got say is Harry in the tub!! Boy, you better call me in three years!! So now I can't wait for last novel and the fifth movie.
• Old Friends: I had an old friend that flew in from Michigan to have Thanksgiving with me, she flew on Wednesday which I had off and I spent the day with her walking around and being a tourist.
  
• RENT: The movie, I saw it on Wednesday night with 8 other gay boys who have been waiting for a long time to see this movie. I love this show, I've seen it 23 times! I was in High School when this show opened and my friend Angel and I couldn't get enough of this show, we learned all the words and bought all the magazines that had anything to do with RENT. And when the show opened at the La Jolla Playhouse in '97, Angel and I were there first! We would spend the night outside and buy the $20 tickets for the front benches which is the only way to see the show! He and I saw it 17 times that year, the cast got to know us and so did the house managers. I've also auditioned for the show a few times and received some call backs and all that good stuff so this show is very close to my heart. So I was AGAIN disappointed when the show opened with the songs in the wrong order and then some of the lines that were sung in the show became dialogue. It was filmed in San Francisco and most of the time you could tell that it was, but it was cool to see the neighborhood that I run around in on screen. I'll spare you the full on review and just say that I was happy the movie was finally made, I just wish that it would have stuck closer to the show. I missed some of the songs, but I enjoyed some of the choices that were made.
• Giving Thanks!: I had Thanksgiving dinner with my friend from out of town and her friend and it was very nice. A gourmet dinner, it cost a pretty penny but someone else picked up the tab so I was more thankful for that! I came home and then rushed over to hang out with Hollywood at her place since Roommate was upstate yet again for another major holiday. At Hollywood's place they had made a traditional dinner and I got here in time for dessert. Hung out and got really drunk and came home and passed out. Last night was so much better than last year when I bought a pie and watched the parade on television by myself, I cried a little. So this year I give thanks to my new and old friendships as well as my new job and feeling groovy.

It's cold right now and I'm just chilling with my Roommate watching videos. I'm meeting up with Nanalene in a few to have a bite and say goodbye since she leaves back to Michigan in the morning. Not much more to write about...DF.

The Madonna....

Living in New York is like having Madonna as a Fairy Godmother that every once and a while shows up and bestows all the faggots across the land with lavish gifts and fierce beats. Today is the official release of her new album Confessions on a Dance Floor. I've been lucky enough to have had the pleasure of listening to the entire album on a loop for two weeks thanks to the Gay Mafia at work. They somehow nabbed an advanced copy and have subjected us to "The Madonna" as one my of coworker calls her, over and over again. I was also surprised when said Mafioso gave me a copy of the bootleg on the condition that I go out and get a "real" copy later on.
"Jose, do like The Madonna?", Mafioso asked me with his real British accent that sounds almost fake but is real as I was cropping pictures for some model, while her newest single "Hung Up" played for the tenth time that day.
"You mean this? Her?" I pointed up, confused and wary because he never talks directly to me. And when he does have something to say he very cunty about it so I proceeded with caution.
"YES, you silly boy. You like it? I think it's fierce and I can't wait to get the real copy. What do you think of it, this new album?"
"I like it, the beats are simple yet intricate and the songs tend to have lyrics from old songs that she has had in the past. I think I like also because it's...what's the word? Familiar, yeah. That's it." I held my breath and waited for his verbal aria against what I had just said.
He then looked at me like he finally realized that I was person with an opinion and not some kid that he yells at to do favors for him.
"Hmmm, do want me to have the art department burn you a copy? I can do that you know, I'll have them burn you a copy..... on one condition."
"What's that?" I asked sheepishly afraid that I was going to have to do something embarrassing in front of the whole staff.
"I'll give you a copy for your listening pleasure, but you have to promise to go out and buy a real copy so you can have the liner notes for your homosexual collection." All this was said with his fey British accent that reminds me My Fair Lady, only gayer.
"I promise!" I breathlessly whispered with an my own gay version of his accent that surprised me.
He went off in a rampage to get the art department to make me a copy and then later gave me the CD in front of the Gay Mafia as they all approved and made me promise once again that I would indeed go out and get a copy. I've since been loving this album, it hasn't stopped playing on my Ipod. Madonna made this CD so that all the songs flow into one another like one continuous song that never stalls or breaks. I especially love the video for her first single and one track called "I love New York" which she sings about her city that she left behind before she gave up her Queendom to become Euro-trash.
Even though this is the kind of CD that my friends and I would have played while we were coming down off of ecstasy, it's still great music to play on the subway while inside your head your life is a video on Mtv.
"Time goes by, so slowly....Time goes by, so slowly...... I do love the Madonna!"
DF.

And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?

I've had a full weekend! I met up with Tam, #3 and Dad for dinner and drinks on Friday after work. We decided to try out a new place so we went to Tortilla Flats in the West Village. The food was good and the company was great, it's was a little loud and it was full of breeders! We were the only gay people there and it was totally apparent, we were more than happy to pay the bill. After that I rushed home to clean up a little bit before Roommate came home on Saturday.
It was nice to see him again, it was also nice because he is totally relaxed after being in the mother land and going home. I got up and ran to work at my old job where I agreed to work for half a day once a month to keep my discount. I was on fire, being there and knowing that I would get to leave in a few hours made the day pass by so quickly and I spent the entire time with smile on my face. I forgotten how much fun it was to play with all the products that the store carries.
After working I met up with #3 and Dad to go catch a movie with Dad's other friend Pelon, who is a riot and fun to be with. We watched Pride and Prejudice, a movie adapted from Jane Austen's novel of the same name. People let me tell you that this movie requires you to have a box of tissues with you because it is a love story and totally sappy! There were so many little lines that I fell in love with and wish and hope that one day a man will tell me the same things. One of the line was at the end of the film and it was said by Mr.Darcy to Elizabeth whom had just agreed to his proposal, " And how are you this evening Mrs. Darcy?". He said this only after she asked him what he was going to call her when was completely in love and devoted to her, and he said Mrs. Darcy. Pass me those tissues please! #3 and I were a complete mess and walked out with puffy eyes. Afterwards we walked all over creation to have great Chinese food, I was in bed before midnight and was asleep until Roommates befriend stumbled in at 2am drunk of his skinny ass waking me up, he's lucky I don't sleep with a knife under my bed like my Grandma does or he would've been sliced!
Slept in today and ran over to have a good brunch with #3 and Dad, walked around a bit and went and caught another film with Tam. This time it was another book that was adapted to a film, Jarhead. I don't know about Tam, but this film was pretty intense. I honestly went to go see it because my husband Jake Gyllenhaal is in it, not to mention a bunch of other HOT men that walk around naked almost the whole movie. But I also got a some insight on the first war in Iraq, I didn't remember all that they covered because I was a kid when that shit went down. I was in 7th grade and all I can remember is the television coverage. Jake was great in the movie, was nice to see him show some emotion, as well as Jamie Foxx. I don't know what else to write, was home by 7 and just decompressed and watched some television. All in all, it was a chill weekend. Roommate is in Queens and I got the place to myself, can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to come on in a few. Goodnite...df

Making the Band

My Roommate and I love this show! It's on MTV on Thursday nights at 10pm. I love eating junk food and watching Diddy let these poor girls have it!! The last couple of episodes it's been all about dancing and him sending the worst dancers home. Well today when Dominique felt like she was going to be sent home, Diddy had them sing solo. Well HUNY! Miss Dominique opened up her mouf and sang "How did you get Here" made famous by Debra Cox, and she bared her soul! She sang like her children needed an operation and she had to make the money on the corner! I just sat here and I started to cry, I felt like she took me to church! I felt the spirit, and so did Puffy. He made her stand by herself and she basically received immunity from being sent home. I can't wait for the real band to be selected.
My dad wants me to look into flights to Mexico for Xmas, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm off to bed, I can't wait for my Roommate to come home, this place is a mess! By his standards at least.
Night..df

Barely there

Woke up this morning feeling really good, skipped to work and just handled everything as best as possible. Today went by SO slow, I wanted to leave in the middle of the day because there really wasn't much to do. I kept myself busy with little projects but I would finish those and then have nothing to do, I can't wait til Manny gets back tomorrow morning. Came home and put my pajamas on and made pasta and watched television. Bored, so I guess I'll give you guys another heart wrenching poem that I thought was SO deep back then, but now it's just pathetic. So here we go!

Drink You Away written March 7, 2003

i want to drink you
away.
poison the memories
and pain.
wash away your smiles
and caring words.
drown your beautiful
eyes in a pool of
indifference and liquor.
tequila seizures
vacillate me from sobs to
laughter.
as my Mexican roots take
hold...and shake me
with their hairy fingers.
growing ever stronger
grasping at the weeds
of your love and
constricting my heart
from feeling...I am numb.
waning eyelids blur you
from my vision.
slurred words hide my
hurt.
an empty glass is
my enemy..
a drop of water is
not to be had..
in the end i
stagger to sleep..
on a bed..on the floor..
a park bench
makes no difference.
my comfort for slumber
is smoky clothes
and hair..stale breath..
acidic belch.
the only sure thing
i can count on
is the head and
stomach ache when
i wake..
i want to drink you away.

DUDE!!! What the fuck!! I can't believe I wrote that shit! That one goes out to all my people who have ever just wanted people to leave them the fuck alone while the tied one on and cried in their beers and played that same song over and over. I, for one, would grab my bottle of Tequila and wrap myself in my Mexican flag, put on some Selena or Vincente Fernandez and just cry it out. I would light my Virgin Mary candle, and my roommate would just leave me alone. He knew that I was going to be Mexican and do some soul searching. You can blame me Dad for this trait, I learned it from him. And it always works.
Love ya'll.... goodnight...df.

Gay Sex in the 70's

After spending all day cleaning I got ready and met up with the gang at Spice on 5th Ave below 14th. We caught a showing of a documentary on gay life back in the day called Gay Sex in the 70s
It was an interesting film that took you through the history of the whole gay New York saga and it really was an eye opener for us, especially Dad, who is a fagling, having only been out for a little under a two years. I sure am glad that all the old queens that I worked with at International Male and in theatre shows brought me up right on everything queer, they gave books, movies and I had to practically give them book reports and term papers. They made sure that I knew where my people came from, it makes you that much stronger and aware.
So we had dessert and I came home and drank a few beers, watched that last three minutes of "....Housewives", I don't know what it was about, but Ms. Terri Hatcher was giving you a performance! She was trying to keep her man from leaving her and she was in a wedding dress, she ran into the street and practically jumped on top of the jeep just to keep her man to stay!! GURL!! FIGHT!! Hold on to your MAN! I thought that she was Latina running after her cholo. I could have sworn I heard her yelling "PUPPET! Don't go eh!, Pendejo, stay with me! PUPPPPPET!!!" I swear to God I was crying and couldn't hold back the tears, I have been there and I poured some of my Corona out for her, into my mouth.
I've got a cute buzz going on and I'm just trying to write a little something since I've been a loser and can't keep up. I got some calls today from people back on tour, with the show that I left. They are getting ready to go to Holland in December and it has some people that I would have loved to had worked with again, but I can't have everything can I?
I was going to post a another tacky poem but I can't right now, I'm trying to finish the fourth Harry Potter book before the movie opens, so I must bid ya'll goodnight. DF

Easy like Sunday Morning..

I'm currently writing this with tears in my eyes as I wait for the bleach and cleaning fumes to get the hell out of my apartment. I just finished cleaning my bathroom and am taking a break before getting ready to head on out to see my friends. I've had a boring week since I last wrote, except to say that Roommate is in Mexico and I'm all alone in this place, it's weird cuz I haven't been this alone for quite sometime.
Some people came over on Friday and brought beer and snacks and HG stayed over and we read our poetry and journals to each other well into the morning. I pulled out some dusty journals from the road and some bad poems about a certain someone who ripped my heart out and it just got me thinking to put some of them up here, so without further ado, some bad poetry about love lost and never regained....

Wonder written on March 7, 2003

It makes me wonder,
if I am ever to find
companionship......
again I feel lost and
abandoned
You were holding my
hand
one of the few whom
I let get close
I stopped to smell
your essence
Instead I got drunk
on your soul
When I opened my eyes,
your hand was gone
As well as my heart
You walked away
Your gait always faster,
longer than mine
Hoping that you would
come back to me
Like you did so many
times before
You never looked
back...
Afraid? No one
knows
A pillar of salt?
Maybe, perhaps not
Afraid of what would
be there....
Just me...a sea of
salty tears.....
An empty hand and
faded memories of stolen
moments that you took with
you forever
It makes me wonder..


When I write stuff down I never go and edit or rewrite it, I'm big believer in stream of consciousness. Reading all these sad things helps me keep my life in perspective, it helps me not want to ever feel like did back in those days. I was a very sad and self-destructive person. Those of you guys who were with me during those times remember the ugliness that was this person and me. The great thing is that we've become better friends since then and talk constantly. I'm loving having a chill day, love you guys...df

So a nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar....

So last night reminded me of this joke.
"A nun, a drag queen and The Bearded Lady walk into a bar!"
Well, that was spot on description of me and my friends last night, running from party to party. It took us three hours to get Miss Kuddles Karano ready for the ball, but we got it going. All in all it was a great night, I was SO tired and a little under the weather but we made it happen. My outfit was a last minute thrown together creation and I had some funny reactions. I had some people want to take me home and more often than not some really cracked out people wanted to confess their sins to me, it was a strange night all around. We went on the subway at one point when the traffic was too much, also trying to fix #3 corset on the subway with people watching on the train. We went to three parties and were on the VIP list for all of them, which was great when you got boys with heels and wigs, luckily the Great Pumpkin blessed us with some warm weather. The night ended with me leaving Kuddles with her friends as I walked down Ave. C and passed person after person that just waved at Blanca the Nun.
Friends I'm sick in bed right now, I left work early, I think that the Syrup smell from earlier in the week got me sick. I want to send a shout out to Katie from work who reads this blog while she is bored. Love you honey!! I'm off to bed, you gotta love Nyquil. Df.