Time Flies!!!!

Can't really write, in a hurry! I'm going out in a little bit, and I'm prolly gonna have a drink tonight. I don't know, it's been a month and tonight at midnight I may or may not have a drink, we'll see. I'll catch everyone up later....love df

Did I shave my ass for this?!

Had a good day today, mostly. I got up and just relaxed and felt better than I've felt in a couple of days. I made of list of things to get done, like clean up, do some laundry and as well as go to my doctors appointment. I haven't been to a check up in about a year and I was a little leary of going, the last time that I went my doctor yelled at me for my weight gain and my blood pressure and cholesterol levels. I also needed to get checked under the hood and make sure that everything was in tip top shape. As I was getting ready for my day I realized that I had to manscape, now for those of you who don't know that is, it's trimming or cleaning up the male form to be presentable. For me that entails, some clippers, scissors and Nair. If I'm gonna do this I'm gonna go all the way, I'm possibly going to be spread eagle getting a oil-check so I needed to be show ready! Now when I was younger and I used to go out, and the night was a dud, I used to yell at my friends, "Did I shave my ass for THIS!?". Well that's how I felt, when I went to see my doctor today. He was so happy that I lost weight and I looked good, blood pressure was good, and that's all he was worried about. I guess he's writing this weight loss book and wants me to be a subject since he sort of gave me his outline for his diet. I wanted to talk about all my issues, like anxiety, stomach issues, and my sinuses and blood work. But no luck, I got shuttled out and made another appointment and now I've got to wait until May 11. to get a follow up. Lord, this town is weird. Anyhow, Roommates being dramatic and needy tonight, I'm still not sure about this going back to old job thing, and I'm going back to work tomorrow and I'm a little freaked out about it. I haven't been in a few days and it's always hard to get the groove back after a short break....wish luck guys..Love df

Ask a room full of Bottoms and see what you get!

Had a good conversation with Roommate today. I think that I may start to go to therapy again and see what I may be able to discover within myself. I've quit drinking and I feel fantastic! I've been working out a lot more and it's showing, but it's also become my outlet, much like taking all those dance classes back in the day.

Spoke to Friend today and he is all excited about trying to become a bottom, you know, to change things up a bit. His life is going really well and I'm so proud of him and all of his accomplishments. I can't help but admire him and be a little bit jealous of him at the same time. As to his whole "bottom" thing, he said that he was always scared to ask someone about it so when he asked all of his gurls at dinner one night we gave him some great tips and the bible. The Joy of Gay Sex. So now he is all excited about the possible new adventures that he may embark on. I'm happy for him.

I've also found another great blog, besides my own, it's totally made me feel so small in the eyes of the world. I have to thank Smrtmnky for that, it's cold Postsecret. It's this site where people send in their most deepest secrets that one is afraid to tell people. Check it out and think. have a goodnight...df

Un Cuento....

I'm up and running pretty early this morning and can finally breathe through my nose!!! It's awesome, I missed breathing correctly. I don't have anything to write so I'm gonna give you guys a story, un cuento, from my life. It just came to me while I was taking a pooh, so enjoy it!

Most of my childhood summers were spent with my cousins in San Diego, two boys and one girl. Both the boys were older, Junior was older by a few years and Wallos is only four months older than me. They always seemed to be bigger and smarter than me, always making me feel like I wasn't as good as them in school or sports or even video games, which I wasn't(except for school, they weren't that smart.) They had there own language and way of thinking that I couldn't grasp and I always felt as if I was tagging along and playing catch up, they also seemed to have the toughest friends who scared the shit outta me. Conniving, cunning and rouge are some of the words I would use to describe them, not so much fearless, but stupid more or less. They got everything they wanted, they were all over weight, 'cept for Junior and had bad tempers and lived in a small cluttered two bedroom apartment for like 15 years! I loved going over there, I felt like Indiana Jones walking around that apartment and playing with all their toys that they made sure to show off in front of me. Even though they treated me like crap most of the time, I totally looked up to them and was jealous that they had the guts to fight with bums and adults, like the liquor store man that would try to cheat them out of our penny candy.
For all the shit that they put me and my brothers through they were always there for us to throw down and kick ass, because we were familia, family. Especially when we got shipped off to Guadalajara for Christmas, we were all outsiders there, us the Mexicans from el otro lado, the other side. We had to endure our other cousins that could speak perfect Spanish and were even more older than them, so we would speak to each other in English and pretend not understand Spanish and just listen as the natives talked shit about us and what a shame it was that we couldn't speak our native tongue.
One Christmas I've must have been seven or eight, we were in Guadalajara yet again, and Wallos and I weren't getting along as we used too. Out of all my cousins he was one of my closets, he understood all my stories and dreams, and loved to play He-Man with me, anything mystical we both loved. We kept getting into little arguments over what, I can't remember, so we both got in trouble. We got spanked in the living room of our families' compound. I didn't really get it as hard as he did, but I put on show for them anyways. Getting a double beating was harsh, but in a strange land it was even worse, there was no where for us to escape and be alone. So we were left there to bond together with our pain, but I was still mad at him, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be in pain right now. " I hate my DAD!" he told me. I was shocked, that was bad even for him. He looked at me to see if I would join in, hell no, this old house probably has some secret passage ways and they are probably listening to us right now. I just stood there with tears in my eyes speechless and he buried his face into the dusty old couch. I walked slowly out and ran into the dining room and did what any little effeminate brown boy would do, I told on him. Just like Miss Celi in the Color Purple, told Harpo to beat Oprah. I told my Tio what my cousin had said, I couldn't say out loud, so I whispered it in his ear. My uncle jumped up and ran into the living room and started to beat him some more, where were out mothers?! I kept thinking, where were our defenders, they were out shopping at the plaza, the open market, far from our screams. My father yelled at me for telling but didn't hit me, it would have hurt less to be hit, his tongue lashing was in two languages making it twice as hard. After all was said and done, I went back in to check on my cousin, with red eyes and fake tears. He was very upset and wanted to know how he had found out. So I did what any high-voiced, skinny, thin wristed Chicano boy would do, I LIED. I told him that I got hit again and that the walls have ears and that we have to be careful cuz we can't trust no nobody but us. And to my surprise it worked, we were best friends the rest of that trip. And to this day he never knew, he probably doesn't even remember the little stuff like that. He probably smoked those memories away. But I never forget.
So there you go, it's funny and sad and all true. Un Cuento. Love you guys...df

Night Time ...is GOOD.

So I've been really sick for the past two days and today I called out of work. It's cool, they forgot to pay me for a day this last pay day so I'm good. I called into work and my manager didn't know who was on a phone and didn't believe me when I told her who I was. I've been self medicating and bought some generic Nyquil and it's been good to me, been sleeping like a baby. It's called Night-Time! I don't know what else to write, I'm still kinda groggy..so I'll say goodnight..love df

You're too emotional.

I've been told that a lot this week, and not because I've been flying off the handle. I've been totally chill and easy going all week. I just happened to have some meetings with certain managers and they feel that I cannot take the next step with my company until I learn to check my emotions, or somehow become emotion-less. Wow, bad enough I'm a bit unnerved at work as it is, now I have to be told that everything about you is great, just change who you are. I can't help that! I'm Mexican and a performer, we thrive on emotion and I had to learn to show emotion, now I've got to learn how to put it away? I don't know how I feel about that. And I've been a feeling sick, I think it's allergies, the weather was hot in the beginning and now it's cold. So I've got some congestion and drainage. I've also sent an email to my prior employer to possibly get on my old tour if it went international, I was told that I would have to send in a video as well as a new full body picture and agree to a weight limit. So I agreed, am I selling out? I'm not sure.
Apartment hunting is going, I guess. It's just so hard and expensive, I just want to move and find a place that's gonna be better or at least cuter than this one. sigh, I can't wait for #3 to come back, I miss him dearly and need his guidance. I'll write better stuff later...love df

Welcome to Harlem U.S.A.!

The picture reads " Welcome To Harlem U.S.A." Roommate and I went around Uptown yesterday and walked around forever! We found out where we don't want to live and also where we possibly could, some cute areas with some not so cute areas. This marquee was in Harlem and I thought that it was perfect for that neighborhood. I'm also extremely sore from a boxing class that I took on Sunday, it was so much fun!!! I think I found my new passion, I want to be the first openly gay boxer in the world, except that I don't want to fight or get hit. I just want to take class and look good. Woke up and went to the gym and then went to meet up with Hollywood from work and went to see Leeto in the Easter Bonnet Competition for Broadway Cares. He was fierce! He was in a leeto-est drag queen. Had dinner and then came home and went online to look for more apartments, we went and looked at a one that is on the same block we are now but a few blocks south and it seems cute and bearable. I'm feeling really good and I'm sure it has to do with the weather, but I still need more from work. More everything, you know? Like money and direction and encouragement. sigh... I don't know what else to write, Beaches is on and I love this movie. My Roommate is laying on the bed, he's dead, I mean, "lifeless". But he's doing good, he wishes that everyone could be on "happy pills."
I'm off, ya'll have a goodnight..love df

" I try to discover, a little something to make me feel..!"

I saw Erasure last night!!! Tam took me and his friend to go watch them at Irving Plaza and it was awesome. I was tired from not really sleeping and then having to go to work so early, as well and going straight the gym and then to the concert. The opening band was Elkland, they were so cute and had some great energy, I fell in love right away with the lead singer and his cute "British" accent. They had some great poppy songs, with some decent lyrics, they even covered Salvation, by the Cranberries. Come to find out they're from upstate New York....what? Well their CD comes out on Tuesday and I may go out and get it....BUT ERASURE..Andy Bell was a demigoddess last night! At first I thought it was going to be tacky and all glitter, and believe me, there was tack and glitter in fair amounts there! But Andy has an amazing register and belted every song out, I was truly blown away by his stage presence. He kept taking more and more layers off until he was in small(teeeny) ruby red chonies! Yes child!, CHONIES!! He does not have the body anymore to pull this off, but he is Andy Bell afterall, so he did. Almost everyone knew all the words to the songs, I didn't, I'm not that big fan, but seeing everyone sing along I was jealous. Anyhow I was tired and slept pretty weird, except for the weird dream about me getting my locker broken into, it was strange. Today was crazy busy at work, to tired to go out. #3 is in St. Barths with his husband, and now I'm left here with Roommate to look for a new apartment...we need to find one SOON..night df

" You don't look Mexican?!"

A girl told me that the other day. I was like " QUE?". She thought that I was some other Latin culture. She said that only Chicanos were tall. UMMMM...It took all I had to not smack her across the face with my chancla and let her know how Mexican I am, Que Viva Selena! Whatever. Roommate is in Queens with his S.O. and I'm happy to have the place to myself, I had a looong day today and I'm happy to come home and just relax and chill. I is TIRED! So anyhow, I've got some auditions lined up this coming week and I'm excited about it. I gotta be at work manana at 6am...Woe is me...night df

I'm tired...

Having a weird week, wanted to leave NYC. Now not so sure, trying to find an apartment with rommate is hard. But hopefully everything will work out. I can't wait to have bigger place, and not be on top of each other and can have a door between us. I'm going to go see Erasure on Friday with Tam and I can't wait! I've been hitting the gym really hard and taking dance classes. I don't know what else to write, I won an expensive flatiron today, I'm giving it to Roommate to try out at work. I'm off to bed now...love you..df

AARRRGGGHHH!!

I wrote this amazing entry last night about life and the amazing weather in NYC, and I couldn't post it! And now the damn thing is erased! AARRRHHHGGG! Anyhoo, having a good week, work is work, going out to see Beauty Shop with "Friend" tonight. Write more later...df

I heart NY.

I loved today!!! It was warm, it was sunny and it was nice. The weather made everyone nice!! Roommates' "boyfriend" woke up and got me coffee, went to the studio and took a great class. Meat up with Leeto and walked around UWS, had lunch, dropped him off at the MET and walked home. Roommate is in Queens and I got the place to myself! I can't believe how much I missed this kind of weather, it really does make a difference on your emotional and mental health. Here's to manana being 70 degrees! I'm gonna wear shorts! Yes I am! Anyhow, I'm also addicted to Friendster, I've found SO many friends from back in the day. It's weird how some of us all are connected. I'm gonna have a great week at work I can feel it! Also Roommate says he wants to stay in NYC, so now the hunt begins for another fierce apartment...well I gotta go to bed kids, I gotta go to the gym manana. Love..df

When I open my eyes it will ALL be better.....

That's what I kept telling myself today. We all had tasks to do that we were given last night and we were trying very hard to accomplish them, we almost did, until a manager went to get stitches and one didn't come in! I was in charge of the floor for about 4 hours and I got no support from no one, AND it was SOOOOOOO busy!! " Lord have MERCY!" Everytime I turned around there were more and more people. I kept closing my eyes and and opening them, and they were still there!! Finally got some help, finished most of the tasks, came home and now Roommate is organizing my stuff. "Did I axe him? NO! I don't think SO!" sigh. The Pope passed, and I cried last night, I had wanted to go to the gym and to mass this morning, but my dumb ass forgot to set my phone back. I thought that my cell phone would change automatically, but you got's to turn it off and on..I can't win. I got manana off, and I may go in to work. As well as the gym, do laundry, take a dance class, and buy new glasses...big day..chatting with my baby cheetah..night..df

WOW...

I didn't write in yesterday after the audition 'cuz there wasn't anything to write about. I got cut after the dance combo, and so did every other Latino boy there. Whatever, at least I went out and tried, felt really good about it. Also yesterday marked the 10 year anniversary of Selena Quintanillas' death. She was the Tejana star that was killed by her fan club president, and also the reason that we have J.Lo all over the media today. You see, Ms. Lopez played her in the movie version of her life. I also was in the national tour of the musical Selena Forever, and just like her young life, it died on the road in some no name hotel. But I did get a great experience from it as well as meet some interesting people that I still keep in touch with today. I've been having a funky week, I don't know what's going on with my emotions right now, I think it may have to do with the weather or possibly all the mess that's going on in the world. Right now in the news you have Terri Shivo and her family fighting over her death and the money that might be made from her life story. We also have the Pope being given his last rites last night, as well as having a vigil with thousands of people at the Vatican waiting for the news of his death and the new Pope. DRAMA!! I am upset that he is going to die, I was raised Catholic and have lost some of the ritual of my religion, but I still have my faith and the memories of me learning about God and the Pope from my grandmother. I don't know..here comes the rain. Let it wash away all the dirt and grime from this city and help me wake up with a clear head and eyes. I want to drink the dew that collects at my feet, and dance tipsy in the morning light....what!? I don't what that hell that was...One funny thing I learned yesterday, Chorus Boys are BITCHY!!! I've also succumbed to friendster..I'm a Lemming..night. df