Manana.

Well, I've been writing in my blog but for some strange reason I wasn't able to post the entry when I was done and it would erase all the work that I had done. So here's to hoping that this works tonight.
I'm doing good, I had a long weekend and I'm taking a break from drinking alcohol. I'm going to detox for a while and give my body a rest, I've been partying like I don't have responsibility and guess what? I do! Work is work and I'm doing okay, I just need to make more money so I can be comfortable and happy. I'm still working out and I feel like I can't lose any weight! I just keep working out harder and harder and the scale just stays the same and on some days it reads that I'm heavier!! Gone are the days when I could starve myself for a few days and look fantastic. I have a big audition in the morning, well it's not that big, but it's big for me considering that I took time off from theatre to work on myself. This is my first audition in six months. It's for the international tour of West Side Story. It's 24 weeks starting in October and it goes all through out the Asias and Europe. I'm a little bit nervous, I hope that I don't screw and make myself look bad. I also hope that don't get cut right away, that just sucks and it isn't fun. Sigh, I just want to be loved by all my adoring fans.....hahahahha....wish me luck...or mierd....love df

SPRING!?...yeah right.

WELL, what to say. Been busy all week up to this point. Monday recovered from partying like it was 1999, all over again. Gabby-cakes and his huzzband were here over the weekend and we had an great time. Took dance class on Tuesday and went to the gym, I'm determined to go at least four times a week. I want to lose 20 pounds by May. I will do it! Anyhoo, today got up early to go the gym and the weather was horrible! After such a loverly day on Tuesday, egads! I thought that spring was here, freaking NYC, she ain't done fucking with me. Work was work, Tam and others finally came back and I'm glad, they are so needed. I'm now trying to figure what I can and cannot write off for tax purposes. Not much else to write. I'm gonna try and get up hella early in the morning and get a workout in...buenas..df

Joel and rocking chair.

"He MUST be NEW....."

Tonight after the one of the hardest and emotionally driven days I've had at work in the longest time, I jumped on the train to go home. After a few stops I noticed that the train operator was speaking very clearly and slowly and it was in perfect English! It was strange, he had a lot of energy and he kept giving us way too much information. I looked over at the girl next to me and said " He MUST be new, his first weekend on the job without his supervisor!". At that I laughed and just turned up the music in my Ipod. Then a man carrying a rocking chair came on and preceded to put it down and sit down on it like some old uncle that shows up once a year to tell you dirty jokes and give you way to many pieces of candies. His name was Joel, I took a picture of him on my cell phone and they gave me their email address to send it to them. I just got home and come to find out that they wrote the address down wrong and I can't send it to them after all, I didn't give them my email address, so that sucks..but I will go ahead and post it here...df

.....Sigh......

So I went to work this morning and made it on time. I was jittery from having a triple shot of expresso, and felt like crap compared to yesterday. I felt like most of the masses weren't into working and once again it seemed like I was doing all the work..which I wasn't. After a long day I went to the gym and worked out, and it was great after having a whole week off, I'm reinspired. Now I'm home and I've had a little dinner and roommate is home and so is his "boyfriend". Tonight he's cool, he told me that his dance teacher advised his class that A Chorus Line is coming back to Broadway sometime this or next year. HELLO!! I was made for Paul San Marco! I'm finally old enough to play him, I hope I'm not to old. Not much else to write, my friend Gabby-Cakes comes manana from SD and I can't wait to see him and his esposo. Oh yeah, my friend Kim asked me to send her a shout out....24 more days until she's a married woman. Congrats Kim~!!!! Noches...df

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same....."

Those lyrics are from the musical Wicked from the song "Defying Gravity". I have been feeling like that all day. I don't know when it came over me, but I feel a new change in life coming up. It's weird, I felt a strange calm all day, and I couldn't explain why. I'm going to have to move in May. The guy that we sublet from wants his apartment back, only after we made it amazing. I can't say that I'm not going to miss this neighborhood, it's padre'! I got everything at my finger tips! But alas all good things must come to end. I'm probably going to move in with Leeto in Astoria, Queens. I know really gay right?! It's a great apartment and I would have my own room and pay about $150 less a month! Man, being able to pay bills on time is going to be fantastic. Roommate is going to move back to California( so he says, but we shall see..). And this is the reason why I'm feeling sort of displaced, almost as if I was floating through time, and I felt okay. Nothing really bothered me today at work. It was busy and I kicked ass, made it happen and we made goal. Came home and decided against going to the gym and put laundry away, tidied up bit and turned the computer on. Roommate was gone last night in Queens, and tonight he went rollerskating, he's in bed already. I'm not gonna miss this about him. I tried to get to talk to him tonight, but for some reason he just didn't want to listen. He started listening to his voicemails on his cell, and there were a grip of them! How can you not listen to your voicemails all day? I would freak out. He just sat there while I was in the middle of my story and trying to explain how I felt and he shut me out. I guess he's feeling better. I am going to make a bigger statement once I move. I'm going to make a change, for the better. I can feel it. I got a couple of positions at work that I want to go for and I have a good chance to get them. And I know that I want to be part in some way shape or form of the fashion industry. I don't how, but I will, and I will make a big contribution.
One more thing: I started to smoke this week. I didn't buy the cigs., they were left by Roommates "boyfriend" and I just started to hang out the window and smoke. I was determined in this cold weather to stand on the fire escape and smoke! I felt cool again, I felt complete. That is until I was walking home from work and remembered that I was a smoker again and lit up on 49th and 7th, I felt very bad, like I was breaking the law, then I got to 49th and 8th and I couldn't breathe and it was freezing and my throat was hurting. I quickly threw that shit away and gave up smoking again right then and there.....and now I smell and I can't get the stench outta my hands..not cute...night DF...
"In the evening, I've got to roam, can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome. Feels to damn much like home, when the Spanish baby's cry". Mimi from RENT. Just heard a little latin baby crying in my building..thought of that lyric.....

" You and me must never part......"

This is my best friend Angel. He and I have been through some shit. I love and miss him. I didn't get to see him whilst I was home, so I was a little upset. You see He and I raised each other, we were two little faglings that had found each other in high school. It was hate at first sight, and then we became best friends as one tends to do with the person who most mirrors them. He was there for my first everything; car, boyfriend, broken heart(s) and all the cool things that teen-agers go through into adulthood. Though we may not talk as much as we used too, and believe me we did. He would call me at home and we would chat on the phone for hours, or just watch t.v. with the other one the other line breathing and screaming along with Jerry Springer, or telling the other one to " Turn it to Mtv, Madonna is on!" Good times. Simple times, we chatted tonight and just caught up on all the stupid shit that runs up on you all of sudden when you look in the mirror and you're 27, or in his case 25. My little bro, sis, whatever. He was always the youngest getting in to bars in Tijuana when he was 16 and 19-20 in bars in San Diego with my ID. LOL! He started young, I needed him there. He and I morphed into each other for a few years, and now that we are separated by 3,000 miles and have tears and laughs that we've missed, it only takes a phone call or an email to get us back to being 17-15 respectively for awhile.
He is turning 26 on the 22 of March. When did he turn into a man? Was it the same time that I did? Hmmm. We shall forever be those two chubby boys who ditched school and bought KFC and rented movies like Steel Magnolias, Pretty Woman, and The Color Purple. He taught me to ditch and to lie. We were awesome together, we were like peas and carrots. He taught me to sing, I mean really sing. Shows like Miss Saigon, Le Miz. etc. I need to start a Lencho blog, just to tell you all the Maddness that was LenchoandJose. One word, one name. One person.
" Oh, I wish that it was more like 1983...." John Mayer...83. night Everyone..especially you Lencho, for helping me find my voice, yet again....

HELLO..

Well, finally got a chance to write back. I haven't been able to because roommate has been sick since we got back and now he thinks he has mono. He didn't leave the apartment for the whole week. I couldn't handle it, he is a bad sick person. Everything hurt him and there was no way that I could make it better and that totally fucked with me. But now he's up and running and not feeling 100%, but up none the less. Wish that his boyfriend could have taken a bigger role in this but he was smart and stayed the hell away. HMMM..what else is there to talk about? I got ripped last night with my friend Leeto. It was a much needed night out after working my ass all day. I am also finally am getting around to getting my taxes done. I got an appointment with a guy who did my roommates and he hooked him up! I hope to get a lot of a cash back, cuz mama needs to pay bills. Hmm..what else. Oh yeah, my cable was out and we finally got it running again today, yeah for t.v.! I'll write more inspirational crap later ...df

" ...I jounced the limb."

Monday was a good day. Watched more movies, went to the gym and spent QT with roommate. The weather was good, walked around with a only a light jacket and my small scarf. Today is a different story, it is snowing and it's freaking cold!!! All the climate change has given me yet another sore on my lip that I get when I'm stressed out or in temperature changes. My love for the city will soon come back, along with the spring weather.
I'm at the dance studio library, babysitting, and I'm reading A Separate Peace again. I haven't read this book since high school and I'm starting to think that it wasn't the right book for me to read back then. I was upset when everyone in my class sided with Finny and not with Gene. I had thought of Finny as a huge show off and secretly I had thought maybe he got what he deservesd. Well it's different now reading it as a 27 yr old man. I was a very upset little 16 year old boy. The whole " jounce the limb.." line back then really meant alot to me, I used to write it on everything. I would write it on masking tape and put it on my shirt and walk around school. My own silent rebellion against the norm, or so I thought. I was just angry and I'm quickly getting a better insight on this story as I read on. A lot of emotions in this book are being brought back up and I can't wait to finish it...More on that later..df

Reflection Day

I called out of work today. I only worked a half day on Sat. I had to be in at 6am on Friday. I flew in Thurs. night. My body staged a coup. It told me to finally get some sleep and just fucking chill the hell out. After a month of going a million miles and hour, getting ready for a huge job interview in California and not getting said position....well it was more than I could bear.
I'm having issues with NYC right now, more than the normal mundane crap that I always write about(money, love, weight etc.). I feel disconnected from my new home town. Maybe I'll get back on my horse this week, but it's just been fucking HARD! I just need to live day by day.
I hung out with #3 this weekend. Roommate and I are both worn out and it ruined his birthday plans. Today I watched a grip of gay movies that my friend Shaun made for me from back home. He is the one that basically raised me right, you know my gay mama. We joke and say that the world only allows us to hang out once a year, it's when the portal to demon realm and the living realm is open and can sustain two evil queens in one area! Or when we both get time off and a cheap flight from jetblue.
I need to write more manana, it's my first real day off that isn't self imposed. Can't wait, I'm gonna fall in love with the city once again. Goodnight mis amigos....df

CALIFORNIA!!!

We just got back from California and already I'm tired, broken hearted and cold. It was an amazing trip. I got to do some much needed bonding with some friends and family. I also got to steal some rest and sun, man it was so cool to have an ocean breeze on you while you throw out the trash. I didn't have internet access the whole trip and it will take me a few days to catch everyone up, I can't believe that I'm back. I missed NYC, and then again...no..goodnight. DF